The Basic Instructions Before Lovin Eve
Author: K A Peoples
Date: 2015-06-28 04:00:00+00:00
Publisher: Khnum Publishing

THE

BASIC INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE LOVIN

EVE

Written

By

K.A. PEOPLES

Copyright by Khnum publications

Khnum Publications

© 2015 by Khnum Pubilcations

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodies in critical articles and reviews.

ISBN: 9-780692-572313

Library of Congress Control Number:  2015959890

DISCLAIMER

The author of this book is not an attorney. All information given comes from the writers own personal experiences. So before following any suggestions please seek the advice of a legal professional.

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

WHO ARE WOMEN

DIFFERENT TYPE OF WOMEN

THE 52 FAKE OUT

THINGS MEN SHOULD NEVER DO

THE MARRIAGE

CHEATING WIVES

DIVORCE (THE 50 BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY)

FAMILY COURT

CHILD SUPPORT(UNCONSTITUTIONAL FORM OF SPOUSAL SUPPORT FOR WOMEN)

CONCLUSION

INTRODUCTION

What are little boys made of?

Snips & snails & puppy dogs tails,

And such are little boys made of.

What are young women made of?

Sugar & spice & all things nice.

Robert Southey (1820)

This old poem describes how our society sees most men today. This idea that women can do no wrong has been echoed mostly by today’s women groups, and supported by our current family court system. With over 63% of all homes currently run by single mothers (2010 U.S. Census) it’s no surprise that young men today buy into this idea; feeling like they must control this inherent evil that lurks within despite the fact that most guys love their mothers and no man wants to be labeled a woman-beater. So men do their very best to become the nice guy society says they should be! The young man who respects his mother and truly believes all women are sugar & spice and everything nice, that's how most mothers are so your future wife should be no different, right? Well, before you walk down that aisle or jump that broom, let’s take a look at a few statistics. According to the 2010 U.S. census, there is a 50% chance that you will be divorced within seven years and a 70% chance that (your future wife) will be the one who will ask for the divorce ; if you’re living in a state that has no-fault divorce laws, according to Margaret F. Brinig & Douglas W. Allen’s “These Boots are Made for Walking” Why Most Divorce Filers are Women . And surprisingly, 2011 U.S. census data showed that women were less likely than men to pay their child support. WHAT! A 1999 study done by the American Association of Blood Banks even shows that 3 out of 10 guys are raising children where they are not the biological fathers (simply put, women cheat). After breakup/divorce men between the ages of 20 and 29 are three times more likely to commit suicide than women. This was the eighth leading cause of death for all men living in the United States in 2005, according to the 2008 National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. As if that’s not enough, women are just as physically abusive as men, according to research done by psychologist John Archer and sociologist Murray Straus that reads:

“….men and women exhibit roughly equal rates of violence within relationships; some studies hint that women’s rates of physical aggression are slightly higher. This apparent equality is not solely a result of women fighting back, because it holds even for altercations that women start.”

This supports the statements made by Ms. Erin Pizzey, a woman credited for creating the first woman shelter back in 1971 for abused women in the UK. In her autobiography This Way to the Revolution: A Memoir written by Peter Owen. Ms. Pizzey: states that after establishing her first refuge, she determined that a majority of domestic violence was reciprocal, with both partners abusing each other in roughly equal rates. She reached this conclusion when she asked the women in her refuge about violence they experienced, only to discover that most of the women were equally as violent or more violent than their husbands.

According to the 2012 National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System (NCANDS), 53.5 percent of women were the perpetrators of child maltreatment, compared to 45.3 percent of men.

Finally, The Department of Justice (Bureau of Justice Statistics) released a report “Rape and Sexual Assault Victimization Among College-Age Females, 1995-2013” that study, the rape and sexual assault of women (ages 18-24) on and off college campus. The term rape and sexual assault were defined by The National Crime Victimization Survey to include: a) completed and attempted rape, b) completed and attempted sexual assault, and c) threats of rape or sexual assault. The report showed that 1 in 52 women on college campus were victims of rape/sexual assault, not the 1 in 5 as previously reported. The report also shows a 50 percent, steady decline of rape and sexual assault of young women on and off college campuses.1 in 52 women being sexually assaulted anywhere in the world is nothing to be proud of! However, we can take pride in knowing, that, the steady decline of sexual assaults shows that we do not have a rape epidemic of young women on college campuses.

Have I gotten your attention yet? Thought so., well, what does this mean? It means that women are human beings not angels, and are just as capable of committing the same exact, shameful acts as us men! Young men growing up today in single-parent homes are being duped by social media, women’s groups, etc., into believing men are the ones who mostly screw up in relationships between men and women, leading to the breakup of the family household. We now know that this is the furthest thing from the truth. Consequently, this misconception has caused young men raised by single mothers to go into marriage with a misunderstanding of women and no understanding of the five basic principles of man-hood usually taught by fathers or other positive male figures. These principles are: builder, provider, protector, lawmaker and enforcer of his home and community. If a young man today does not have an understanding of these principles or is in company with a woman who is unfamiliar with these male traits, in my opinion, your marriage may be doomed, as the data shows. The Basic Instructions Before Lovin’ Eve, aka the B.I.B.L.E.  is written to help good young men raised by single women understand the different types of women (good, bad, etc.) that are out there, the mind games to watch out for, your role as a man in your relationship, and even the court system (-if you find yourself divorced and seeking visitation to see your child). So before you put a ring on it, let the B.I.B.L.E. help guide you in your quest to search for your future Eve. But! When you’re in the abyss of love, you might not always listen to the advice given, because the heart does not always do what the mind tells it to. Whatever the case; this book’ (which comes from my 40 plus years of personal experience as a good man) will at least give you some understanding of the type of woman you’re in a relationship with, the strength of the relationship, and actions to take when a relationship fails.

So, are you ready? Let’s get started.

WHO ARE WOMEN

Before we get into the different types of women, let’s look at how women are:

Why do Women Like to Talk allot?

Women use talking as a way to feel closer to their man emotionally. It’s’ how women bond with men. Men, however, feel closer with a woman when they’re having sex (intimacy); it’s how we bond with women. As men, we can have a big problem understanding this about women because when we speak to one another, it is unusual for our conversations to have any emotional ties to them. It’s generally about the sharing of ideas (information). So when a woman starts talking about the kind of day she had, a book she read or some show she saw on TV, she’s bonding! This form of verbal stimulation is very important to women -and to you if you are planning to have a meaningful relation with a woman! That means there will be many times you will have to sit and listen to your lady go on and on about a whole lot of things. Most of it you will have no interest in; because she’s not really looking for any solution to what she is talking about (she’s just bonding)! That’s why it’s a good thing for women to have girlfriends. Even if you may not like some of them, they provide each other with an out let to express themselves. So your ears can get a break, which can lead to many uninterrupted moments in your man cave.

Why do women like to shop (in other words, why do they have so many clothes)?

Women fantasize a lot! When a woman goes shopping and puts on a new outfit, she feels like a new person. Same thing when she gets her hair and nails done. She feels reborn! A single dress is not complete without the perfect pair of shoes, hand-bag, jewelry, and other matching accessories. So when she goes out to purchase one piece of clothing, you can see how it can lead to another and another. She can go grocery shopping, happen upon a side-walk sale displaying those perfect pair of shoes she has been looking for, and well, this mean you might not get that steak dinner on the list because it just got replaced with those shoes! Hey, guys, I know we fantasize, too. But unlike men, women actually prepare for their fantasies. So if that day ever comes, she’ll be ready! This urge to fantasize (a.k.a. shop) can become a little more addictive in some women than others. Once it becomes an addiction; deceit, huge debt and financial ruin can follow.

Why do women hate being told, they are wrong?

This is a tough one. First, no one likes to be told they are wrong. From my experience, women tend to be more bothered by this than men. When men are proven wrong about something, most of us do get upset, but we just make a mental note of it and move on. When a woman is wrong, she tends to see it as a personal defeat. Why! Women, I think, may envy most men’s natural ability to solve the problems around us without becoming too emotional. When a woman proves her man wrong, most men do become upset, because we feel it will destroy a woman’s confidence; in our abilities to solve her problems. But to many women, they see this as a huge -victory over this knows -it- all man. However, when a woman is proven wrong by her man she is crushed! I believe she feels it makes her appear weak, or in her mind, stupid. But in our heads we see it as correcting or making her aware of something she misunderstands. Men correct each other all the time, so naturally we assume women can handle it. The truth is most cannot! For this reason, many women tend to avoid admitting when they are wrong so they won’t have to listen to their man explain to them why and how they were wrong; which make them feel inferior.

Why do women like bad boys?

Well; first things first: Women practice hypergamy (pronounced hy-per-ga-my) so they are hypergamous by nature. What does this mean? It means women look for the best men possible to be with. Consider, however, that when very young, some can get blindsided by a wild, crazy, exciting guy who they never thought they would fall for. But as they get older, they will begin looking for men who are equal to or above whatever standards they set. These men fall into three categories: Looks, Wealth and Strength (mental not physical). Any guy who falls under anyone of those three categories will be popular with the girls. Good looking guys are popular with the ladies because women subconsciously feel they will produce healthy, attractive kids. Wealthy guys are popular with women because they provide financial security (homes, cars, etc). Strong -men are attractive to women because of the confidence they have in themselves and in life; to do what they want when they want (unpredictable), and to go after what they like. Any woman who gets with this –type of man knows she has to go along with his plans if she wants to stick around for the ride. These 3 types of men only make up about 20 percent of the male population. All others fall into the other 80 percent of men who are, for the most part, decent guys. What is this 80/20 dichotomy? This rule describes the difference between male and female attraction. If you were to take 10 guys and show them 20 well groomed women, 80 percent or more of these men will find them physically attractive. If you were to take 10 women and show them 20 well- groomed men, only 20 percent of the men as a whole (looks, wealth, and strength) would measure up to these women’s standards. Most women chase after that 20 percent those 3 types of guys while the other 80 percent are either ignored or taken advantage of by these women. Many of these ladies are able to do this because most guys (young and old) try to prove their self -worth to women; by volunteering their services, in hopes to get a date. Like working on their cars or helping out with things around their homes etc. This style of courting by men is so well known to women that many take advantage of it! These women are able to convince most of these men; that they’re doing them a favor when they allow these guys to help them out in their time of need! Quite a few women think that most men believe that women have a lot of guys around that they can call on for help or even a date. This may be true somewhat when these women are both young and beautiful but in most cases it is not! It’s just a mind game that fools most guys but when it comes to the all confident bad boys, it’s the women who are usually trying to prove their self-worth to them. Bad boys fall under the category of Strength. There alpha male, care free attitude is very attractive to most women, especially when they are younger (between the ages of 16-28). When some women at that age (depending on how they were raised and how attracted they are to the guy) see a man with all that alpha -male strength and confidence to match, they gotta have him! Why! Because most women at that age are in school and/or still living at home, so security is not an issue for most of them at that stage in their lives. So they feel they can afford to gamble. These young ladies foolishly believe that they are the one woman who will break him (with their love and complete loyalty/support) and one day turn him into the man who meets their standards. As a young man you may feel that bad boys get most of the girls and you’re right, because many women today are raised by single mothers, and have no idea what a good man looks like! However, bad boys leave a trail of destruction behind them. Women who date bad boys finally realize this (some never do) 5 or 10years down the road. After wasting all that time chasing a man that doesn’t love them, these women now find themselves looking for that good, decent man to help repair their lives. But by then, most good men will have grown wiser, more stable and in most cases, married. Whatever the case may be, the tables will turn in favor of the good guys. So be patient! All these women who chased these bad boys and had their lives turned upside down by these guys now will be looking for the 80 percent of decent men who were once waiting at their door-steps, for some security and companionship. Sadly, there would not be that many. The percentage would have gone down to about 60 percent if the woman is 30yrs of age to about 23 percent when she reaches 40 (according to a study by the U.S. Census Bureau Women a Marriage Percentage published in 1986). Some of these women will be carrying a whole lot of baggage from their exciting journeys. So be careful! Most men will have grown wise enough to avoid those women. So if you find yourself still single or divorced in the later part of your life, take your time sorting through this huge selection of women, and choose someone who is ready to appreciate having a good man in her life.

Why do women keep secret accounts when married or in a live-in relationship?

This is one thing most young men today know nothing about when they are in a live-in relationship with a woman. Many women (when living with a guy) have a secret bank account or stash wherein they hide money from their man. Why! Just in case the relationship goes bad, they have some security to fall back on. Most men, on the other hand, come into the relationship with all their cards on the table. So you can see how, when this type of secret is found out (and in most cases the guy never finds out), it causes the trust in the relationship to fall apart. As men, when we enter into a live-in relationship with a woman, many of us have put our fullest trust into that relationship, so we assume she has done the same! You have tried to take on all her needs emotionally and financially to make sure she feels secured. Even sometimes working 50 to 60 hours a week to help pay down her bills, help with her college tuition or to maintain a comfortable home only to find out that she has saved a pretty nice-sized nest egg for herself. While at the same time she telling you how broke she is, and how she never has enough money to go out and shop for the home. I truly believe that if these women weren’t so deceitful, most men would not feel so betrayed. But we do! And once a man discovers this about the woman he lives with, it will make him question her loyalty to the relationship. Now some women do come into the relationship with money that may have come from a settlement, inheritance, bonus from her job etc. The good thing about that would be if, she’s not hiding it from you! Which gives you guys a chance to talk about how that money (if needed) can be used for the household. When this talk happens, most men will have no problem if the woman wants to keep most of the money, if not all of it, in her personal account. This creates a trust in the relationship that provides a piece of mind for the couples; knowing that besides their personal savings they have together, they also have this other money in case they need it. This is not the case when couples come into the relationship in debt and they’re working hard to get out of it only to find out that she has been putting money away for herself! So before moving in with a woman, you may want to discuss how you feel about keeping secret accounts from each other if you have a problem accepting this. The sad reality is most women will keep a secret account for themselves even when her man asks her not to do so.

Different Types of Women

As mentioned in the introduction, many homes in the U.S. today are run by single women. This has produced very different types of women as well as men. It has caused women to have a lack of understanding of how to deal with a man as a wife. It has also caused men not to understand what it means to be a man in a relationship. And without the example of a functioning two -parent home, you will need some help in this area. So before a man moves forward with any commitment, he needs to have an understanding of the type of woman he has in his life. Though keep in mind that nothing in life is guaranteed, not understanding your place as a man in any relationship (even with a good woman) can cause it to fail!

“Damaged” women -(women who were physically and/or, mentally abused, abandoned, sexually assaulted by the mother’s friend, step father, or other relatives).

Damaged women usually chase men who are in worse conditions than they are in, or find themselves in relationships with men who use and abuse them. I believe these women seek out guys like this because they know, they have a problem. And as long as they are dealing with someone else’s issues or allowing themselves to be taken advantage of, they do not have to worry about facing their own demons because they are helping someone who they believe is in worse shape than they are. Or perhaps the abuse they received throughout their life has tricked their minds into believing that, this is what love feels like. Dating a man with no issues for this woman means facing her personal demons or hiding them from her man which is usually the case. This is a good guy’s nightmare! As men we are natural protectors and truly believe we can help any woman in distress, by becoming her knight in shining armor (I’ll show her that I will never hurt or abandon her. I will always be there for her and will never allow anyone to bring harm her way! I will be her Knight in Shining Armor that will save her from the ills of the world). This is one of the biggest mistakes that most good young men make when dealing with this type of woman. Anyone who goes through those types of abuses is damaged, and must recognize it so they can get help to move on with their lives. So it’s very important to listen to what a woman tells you about her past. If she has been abused listen to how she has overcome or dealt with those issues! Why! Because hurt people hurt people and; if she has not dealt with those issues yet, then you are putting yourself right into her cross hairs! As a young man, you may be up for this challenge, but, when you become older, you will than realize that the risk was not worth the experience because there will certainly be no reward! You can provide stability and support, but this comes only after she has recognized she needs help. My opinion is I would not get involved with this type of woman until after she has received the help she needs. In defense of these women, I will say this: I have personally known at least 3 ladies who have been sexually abused by their mother, male friend or step-father. This is consistent with the 2010 studies by  David Finkelhor, director of the  “Crimes Against Children Research Center”, which show that. 1 out of 5 girls and 1 out of 20 boys are victims of sexual abuse (these are only the cases that have been reported). What’s just as shocking is that each one of the 3 women I spoke with, their mothers blamed them for their abuse! Somehow their mothers felt that it was something their daughters did to attract their husband/male friends to them sexually. After hearing this, I could see how that type of rejection or lack of compassion/protection from the one person you felt should be in your corner would make a woman feel worthless. I hope what was said helps you understand why these women must seek help before considering a meaningful relationship. Only she can save herself from her past, not you!

Women raised by single women-(raised by single mothers)

Women raised by single mothers learn one thing from their mothers, and that’s how to be a single mother, not a loving wife! This type of woman knows how to be independent, but lacks the understanding of what it takes to be in a live-in relationship with a man. This is not good! Why? This type of woman lacks the experience of having a loving father or other positive male figures, (Uncle, Older brother, -or Step Father) in her life. Without a male present in the lives of these women, it would be very difficult for them to understand a man’s ways beyond sex. Growing up with a father figure in the household is what prepares a woman for what she can expect from her man. Without this experience it can be very difficult to know what she really wants or needs in a guy. This can cause her to chase bad boys most of her young adult life, or destroy a relationship with a good man to chase a fantasy with a bad boy only to regret her decision years later. So, it’s very important for a woman to experience unconditional love first from a positive male figure before she engages in sex (with her husband (ideally) or male friend)! When a woman experiences sex first before unconditional love, many tend to follow their single mother’s example on how to relate to men, which is mostly through sex fueled by the emotions of being in love. This emotional fantasy of being in love is what drives this type of woman. When in love, she pushes you to marry her or get pregnant to pressure you to marry her (you do). Within five years or more she becomes bored with the marriage (she pushed for) so she starts attracting the attention or give into sexual invitations from other men, she begins a sexual relationship with one of these men, she fall in love with him, she becomes very cold and very argumentative in her current marriage, And then she blames her husband for the problems in the marriage (although she created them). There’s nothing the husband can do at this point to save his marriage! She then leaves or creates a problem (an argument that is personal or physical that pushes her husband over the edge) so she can be so called “justified” in leaving the marriage. All so she can begin a new fantasy of being in love all over again. This unconscious act by this type of woman can cause her to push every good man out of her life in exchange for an emotional high! It’s not until after giving birth to a son that most women finally experience unconditional love from a male! This causes them to do everything for their sons that they would never considered doing for their husbands like (cooking for him, cleaning after him, supporting him, defending him, etc.). The saying that “Women raise their daughters and love their sons” is very true!

For this type of woman, this also means that she will end her marriage or relationship with her son’s father if she feels he is being too hard on him! No positive male present in a woman’s life, means not having an understanding of her man’s place in their relationship. For this reason she tends to treat her relationship with her man about the same way she does with her mother. This can cause her to always challenge her man, and allow her mother or girlfriends to give bad advice on their relationship. Although many relationships between mothers and their daughters are very loving, there can also be some competitiveness, and sometimes the mother can become very jealous of the daughter especially if she has a loving, caring man in her life and the mother does not! This can cause the mother to try and ruin her daughter’s relationship with the husband. Women head many homes today in the U.S., so there is a very good chance this is the type of woman you will meet. For this reason it’s very important to ask this type of woman what it means to be a wife. Her answer (if any) should let you know if she is ready to be a wife or just trying to a bride.

Women raised in a functional two -parent home

A woman raised in a functional two -parent home means simply this: she understand what it is to be a wife! Does this mean that if you find a woman like this, you will never get divorced? Absolutely not! It just means that she understands a man’s place in a marriage as well as her own. She is capable of the same acts as the second type of woman discussed but may not act on them because she understands what it can do to her family. This type of woman understands the realities of marriage, unlike those raised by single mothers, who only see the fantasy of being a bride. Look, all women fantasize, as I said earlier. The difference is; this type of woman understands that being a bride is one thing, being a wife/mother is quite another! Women coming from a stable two -parent home want their children to have the same experience they had as a child. So what can become boring to some women (family outings, get-togethers, children events, etc.) are family traditions to this type of woman. Look, though there’s much good to be said about this type of woman, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage or perfect anything! As mentioned in the introduction 3 out of 10 men are raising children were they are not the biological father. More than likely, those 3 guys are in loving relationships with this type of woman! No human (man or woman) is above temptation. However, this type of woman does understand the importance of her marriage, and will rarely leave her husband/family in pursuit of a fantasy. With that being said, if you’re going to walk down that aisle someday, at least choose a woman who has an understanding of what marriage life is like. Or a woman who has done enough research to know what it takes to be a wife beyond her wedding day.

Women raised by a single father – (who was raised by a single mother)

Most young men who are reading this book may someday (unfortunately) fall under this title. As mentioned in the introduction, men raised by single mothers can lack the understanding of the 5 basic principles of manhood. For this reason, this type of women may be getting mixed messages of what a real man is, his role in her life, and the stability/balance that brings. A study done by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and National Center for Health Statistics, shows that women raised in a two -parent home or by single fathers are less likely to be teenage mothers, drop -outs, promiscuous, or experience poverty ( “Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy, and criminality”. Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics, Survey on Child Health, Washington, DC, 1993.). That’s great! But the problem with this type of woman is her father! Yes, single men raised by single women tend to make the mistake of teaching their daughters the same things taught to their single mothers (that she does not need a man and should never depend on a man to take care of her). Which can be confusing, to the daughter because her father is a man and is doing exactly that! This can cause her to become a daddy’s girl which can make her feel that there is no man out there as good as dear old dad! Which is not bad when she’s a little girl growing up but when she becomes a woman this can cause problems in her relationship with her man. Her father has seen his own mother run the household without a man (or a consistent one) in her life. As a young man he hears all the horrible stories told by his aunts or mothers friends about what some man has done to them. As a father, all he naturally wants is to protect his daughter from these horrible men he heard about growing up. His actions teach her to be overly independent and distrusting of all men except him. This causes her (and the first 2 types of women mentioned) to treat her man more like a roommate than a husband, relying only on her father for things she feels are a man’s responsibility! This can have a serious impact on the man in her life, especially if he’s very responsible. Example: whenever her man tries to do something and he doesn’t get it right on the first, second, or third try, she goes running to dear old dad instead of trusting that her husband will figure it out. As men we need to feel needed in a relationship! And there’s nothing wrong with a wife’s father using his life experience to help his son-in-law solve a problem, I think that’s great! But when the father comes in with the attitude that he is a better man than his daughter’s husband, that’s a problem! This can cause an argument between the father and husband that will put the wife right in the middle. This type of woman can be broken out of this spoiled mind set. How? By standing your ground with your wife and her father! So before you make any attempt to marry this type of woman, you will have to respectfully approach her father in a way that lets him know that you are there to take care of his daughter the same as he has. And as long as you are sincere, you will gain his respect as well as his trust! Doing this will improve your relationship with her father, which will naturally improve your relations with her. But you must make it very clear to this type of woman. There is only one man in this relationship, and that man is you!

Women raised by a single father – (who had both parents in the home)

When it comes to learning how to live with a man, women raised by this type of man will have just about the same experience as women raised by two parents. Like the women raised in a functioning two -parent home, this type has experienced unconditional love first, and has learned the ways of a good man. What does that mean? It means that unlike the first two types of women mentioned, she has experience living with a good man and therefore understands how we are. For example, she knows men are natural protectors of the home, so when her man raises his voice about something she’s about to do or has done, she understands that he sees some problem or potential danger involved that could harm her, the home, or both. She does not mistake his action as being aggressive, abusive behavior towards her. She may view it as being a little over- protective at times, but not abusive. As a child she has learned from her father that, just because a man is questioning what she is wearing does not mean he’s trying to control her; growing up her father has explained to her how men tend to judge women based on what they see. So naturally her father always makes sure she is seen as a decent woman. So if her man questions what she wears, she knows that he’s just concerned about how her image will be judged by other people (especially other men). Not that he’s some warden who’s trying to control every minute of every second of her life.

She also understands that her man sees money as security to the home. This is an issue that most women raised by single mothers simply do not get. A man who is concerned about the finances of the house is a man who is concerned about the security of his home! Because a responsible father raised her, she will understand this about men whether she has a job or is a home maker. She will not put the security of the home at risk. She known’s when a man is setting alone by himself he’s not ignoring her. She understand that men need there quite space where they can take time to think or just relax. This is something she has experience as a child with her father. But for those women who has not experience this growing up; it can drive them crazy. She also understands that a good man brings more than just money to a relationship he brings stability and guidance. Unlike women raised by men who were raised by single mothers, she has learned how to gain and keep the respect of a man from the relationship she has with her father and not to distrust men! Again this woman’s experience will be very similar to the third type of woman mentioned, but it’s very important for the father to make sure she has a balanced life so she won’t take on too much of his personality. This means spending quality time with her mother, aunts, older sister, or female cousins. Not only will this help groom her as a woman, it will also allow her to see the type of men the women around her are dating in comparison to her father. These are just a few examples of what this type of woman understands about men. ¾Now you understand why it is important for men to choose women who have experienced living with a responsible man or a woman who has chosen to learn the ways of a good man.

The 52 Fake Out

Although this expression (52 fake out) has quite a few explanations; for this book, it will be used to -explain the tricks some women do to get a good man to marry them.

When they say a wedding day is the bride –to- be (her) day, that’s exactly what it means. This is the ultimate fantasy come true for most women; where they can become their perfect selves for the entire world to see. When a woman is trying to get married she is on her absolute best behavior. She will like whatever you like (movies, music, sports, food etc.). You name it, she loves it ¾because that’s what you like, hoping it will draw you in closer to her. Sex is great, and you never seem to disagree about anything. This seems too good to be true -and it is! This is the blue print of the 52 fake out. This game has been played for so long that there’s a saying that goes, “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they don’t.” So how do you know if she is just trying to become a bride and not your wife? Well, let’s start with first impressions. When you meet a woman for the first time, what you see is what you get! The way she keeps herself, her home, if she cooks, how she handles money, etc… All these things are who she really is. So if she smokes or drinks heavily, never cooks, likes to party all the time, and keeps a messy home, that’s who she is! If her groom –to- be complains about some of her bad habits, she may stop long enough to get herself down the aisle. Any change she makes once she meets her Prince Charming is only temporary. Unless the changes made come by way of her own doing, no matter how well women camouflage themselves in the beginning, their true selves will come out in about six months to a year. That is why most women pressure men to marry them within that time-line. All the changes she will make to draw you into her (emotionally) will slowly fade away after you are married to her. Simply put, the time it takes for you to marry her will determine (in most cases) how long this perfect woman will be around; before the real missus shows up! By then most men will be in love with their wives and see these changes in her as mere adjustment to the married life. My friend, you’ve just been Fake Out! Women cannot become that perfect woman unless they know what you are looking for! When a woman is dating or interested in a man, she will do her research on the guy and gather as much -information about him (from basic conversations they have when on a date, from your friends, etc.) so she can become your ideal woman. Yes, fellas, we can talk a little too much about ourselves as to what we like and what we may have! You may think something small like this would not be a problem, but for a good man it can be if he wants to avoid gold -diggers! So don’t be so quick to brag about yourself. Ask questions that allow her to do most of the talking. Why? Because it allows you to get to know what type of women she is, and it will draw her in closer to you as mentioned earlier. This will help you determine, as the relationship deepens, if she is ready to be a wife or a bride. How exactly? Well, when a woman is preparing to be a wife, you will notice a few things. She will like you for who you are, and she will be honest about herself. This is something most women will not do when dating a man they see as someone they want to marry. They hide their bad habits in fear that they may push a good man away. So they become whatever they feel will draw the men into them emotionally to prevent them from seeing their true selves. A woman who is honest with a man in the beginning is giving that man a choice to be with her.

But then there are cases where honesty can also mean that this woman knows that you like her, and she’s telling you all these things to see if you are still willing to have a relationship with her knowing that she has all of these issues. If you are up for it, then she knows she has a good man (or in her mind, a sucker) who will do anything to try and please her. Sadly, this is how most young men end up with the wrong type of woman. Although all women are capable of doing this; the first two types of women are mostly capable of it. So, how do you tell when a woman is being honest or deceitful? Women who are honest with men will not sound like victims. They will give you a clear picture of who they are by letting you know about any problems or issues, if any (debt, recent breakup, family etc.), they may have or had, and how they’re dealing or have dealt with them. The deceitful ones will sound like victims! They will talk about how all these guys took advantage of them, used them for their money, cheated on them, etc, and how they are now looking for a man who is true and honest when they are nothing like that! Those women are fake and will put on the biggest good -girl act to get you to marry them. These women know that as long as you are trying to prove to them that you are not like the men they mentioned and as long as they play the good -girl role, you will always see them as a victim who needs to be protected. Instead of what they really are and that’s women who don’t want to take reasonability for the bad choices of men they choose to date.

Okay, moving on! Another way to tell if a woman is preparing to be a wife (which I think is the most important) is her patience! This is something all bridezillas lack. Women who want to be a wife understand that men want to provide security for his family. She understands when a man is in school, working on a business idea or other things to improve himself. He is trying to build his kingdom wherein she will certainly be the queen. So instead of nagging him to marry her she supports him and encourages him to pursue his dreams. Her support lets her man know that she will always be there no matter what the outcome. This is the act of a woman who wants to be your wife! A woman who is willing to go down that hard road with her man is a woman who truly loves her man and believes in his abilities to do what he says. Most men will marry a woman like this way before reaching his goals because he understands that with a woman like this by his side, he will someday be successful. This kind of lady lends truth to that saying, “Beside every great man is a great woman”. Bridezillas, on the other hand, -will not be this patient. This woman understands perfectly well what her man is trying to do before he gets married to her, and that’s improving his finances. But she will not care about any of that! Instead of being supportive and encouraging her man, she accuses him of taking advantage of her sexually, turning herself into a victim, and hoping it will make her man feel guilty enough to marry her. It doesn’t matter if he sees her every day, helps her out financially or in a living relationship with her. No matter how hard her man tries to explain his reason for “not popping the question” or how hard her man tries to assure her, he’s not taking advantage of her. She will always throw it back in his face telling him he’s just stalling or making excuses not to marry her. This conversation usually comes up about a year or two into the relationship. Because the way this woman sees it, she has put on her good -girl act long enough! It’s now time to get married so she can have her day, and all other things can wait! At this point, she may start going out more with her girlfriends, which of course will get your attention. And once she gets it you may hear her say, “Marry me or else I am leaving this relationship”, or something close to that! For most young men, this is what breaks you. But I strongly encourage young men (or any man) to never marry a woman under those conditions. Stand your ground with this woman and if she continues to not be supportive of what you’re trying to do (with improving yourself), then let her go! This will be one of the hardest decisions you will have to make at this point in your young life, but it will also be one of the best! Women like this only care about being a bride and not a wife, and in about 5years these same women who pressure their men to marry them will be asking for a divorce! So consider yourself lucky. You just avoided the 52 fake out.

Things Men Should Never Do

In order to have success with the 5 basic principles of man-hood, there are certain things a man should never do. Knowing these rules (I believe) should make these principles a lot easier to apply to your life.

Never go back on your word!

Most men are very good at keeping their word. It’s what strengthens a man’s position in his relationship with his family! This is why most women who were raised by a loving father hate it when a man lies to them. If one thing she could always rely on as a child growing up was her daddy’s word! So she expects the man in her life to keep his. A man who keeps his word is seen as a loyal and trustworthy person. That’s why you should only give it rarely and never gamble with it, because it can damage or cost you your reputation as a stand-up human being. Your family relies on every word you say -especially your wife! If you have children, they will rely on your word as if it were the bible (no pun intended). So do your absolute best to keep promises and do what you say even with punishments! Now, you may not always be able to keep your word for whatever reason, but as long as you are 7 out of 10 on your promises, your children will build their lives around your advice for the rest of their lives. Now, your wife will hold you to your promises, but will also test you on everything you say. So be very careful when you say, what you will and won’t do! Most men make the mistake (in my opinion this is a mistake) by telling their wives or girl friends that they love them, and no matter what they do, they will never leave them! Telling your wife or girlfriend you love them is not a bad thing at all! But telling them you will never leave no matter what they do is risky. Most women (in my opinion) will test your word on that the very next day! So be wise when giving your word, because some promises should never be made.

Men should never give up or completely abandon his leadership role in a relationship!

Despite what you’ve heard, women love and admire men who take charge of a situation. A man who has confidence in his ability to lead is demonstrating that alpha male personality that is attractive to women. Remember what I said about the bad boy; he does what he wants, but in your case, you are doing what is right! Will you always be correct about the choices you make? No! But most of the time, you will be, and any mistake you make, you will recover from. So don’t be afraid to lead! Yes, your woman will complain from time to time but, she will take pride in knowing that if a problem comes up she will not have to focus too much on it because you will be able to figure it out for the both of you.

Never tell a woman everything about you!

Most men make this mistake because we are led to believe that all women are honest and upfront about who they are. Being honest is one thing, being a fool is another. If anyone knows everything about you, it can be used against you in many ways. When you are being upfront with someone, you are revealing your deepest feelings. This takes trust! So with that trust, you never expect them to one day use that information (in a heated argument) to embarrass or hurt you. But they do, and your relationship is never quite the same after. Everyone apologizes in the end, but no one truly forgets what was said, -or how this person you love just destroyed your trust in them. When people get angry, they get personal. In most cases, this is what causes a heated argument to go from being calm to physical. Why? Because when a person knows everything about you, they know exactly what buttons to push! But if they don’t know everything about you, then they are limited as to what they can say or do to make you angry. This will help keep you in control of your feelings. With that being said, men must learn to reveal only 60 to 70 percent of who they are to their woman and keep the other 30 hidden! Women never tell you everything about themselves. Most mothers teach their daughters to never tell a man everything! Some feel that a few secrets allow them to have some control in the relationship especially if the man is the bread-winner in the home.

When she leaves, never beg and never take her back!

When a woman leaves you for someone else, or leaves the relationship because she say you guys need time apart, never take her back! Nobody leaves a relationship to be by themselves! So when a woman tells you she is leaving or needs time apart, she more than likely has been seeing someone else for weeks -or even months! Asking what you did wrong or begging her to stay will only make it harder on you not her. Her decision to leave was decided weeks ago so she will not change her mind. So keep your pride! Try your best not to get upset if you do calm down, than agree with her that ending the relationship is the right thing to do. Why? Because most women (believe it or not) want to see their exes’ lives fall apart when they leave them. I believe this is why most women wait until their man is at his lowest point in his life before they leave. But if you ask, just about every woman will say they wish their exes-well when they breakup. But that’s the furthest thing from the truth! An older man in his 70’s once told me in conversation something his mother told him when he was a teenager. His mother said, “When a woman leaves a man for whatever reason she does not want to see him do better without her. Instead she wants to see him fall!” So, the best thing a man can do when a woman leaves him is to better his life. Take time to heal, but better your life! Begging her to stay or taking her back will only make her lose respect for you, so don’t do it! If later, her decision to leave you proves to be an error on her part; she may try to come back, which is why some women want to separate for a while just in case they need to make a u-turn. But don’t fall for it! Most men who had their hearts broken by a woman will never take her back but for the few who will, this advice is for you! Make her live with her decision. This may make her a better woman someday for someone else, just not you.

Never try to buy her love!

This is usually something most young men do when they’re in a serious relationship with a woman for the first time. I did the same in my late teens/early twenties. Why? It’s in most men’s nature, to want, to provide for a woman. It’s okay to buy a woman something every now and again or on special occasions. But when you are doing this every week, not only does this take the surprise factor out of the gift, the gift-giving will begin to replace you in the relationship. This causes your woman to love only what comes from your hands or pockets! True love is “earned” through trust, and what you give of yourself to this woman and her to you! When you are young, you try to do what you believe is romantic with women -and that’s a good thing but there must be an equal balance between showing her your love through gifts, and just showing her your love. Going broke a few times for this woman will help you understand the differences. Simply put, less is more when dealing with women. Fewer gifts and more you! Remember, it’s you she is in a relationship with, not the gifts.

Never marry vanity!

I have to admit, having money does make it a whole lot easier to get a woman’s attention. But having money and finding love, now that’s a real challenge! Most guys when they’re young have very little money. So when you meet a nice young lady, it’s pretty clear she likes you for who you are and not what you have. So I do not understand how we men leave good women (when we become successful) to pursue the so -called trophy wife. Wait! I do get it. Coming up you see guys with the money, the pretty boys and bad boys too -with all the women. You want to be like these guys as most men do. And after all your hard work, you are now finally (financially) where you want to be. So you join the club and marry the best- looking woman in town. Now your life is perfect and you can live happily ever after, right? WRONG! Unless the best looking woman in town was with you before you became financially secured. You just married a vain woman who understands you chose her only for her looks! This is not a marriage based on love but an arrangement based on lust -and it will cost you! A woman physical appearance means allot to men. As long as she’s pretty, she does not have to do much of anything else but feed your ego. The women you meet when you are on top stay on top! Meaning, they are only there for the good times, not the bad. So as long as you can afford to pay for her love, she will continue to feed your ego. A women beauty (which is in the eye of the beholder) can be measured in many other ways besides her physical appearance. A good personality (when you’re talking about marrying someone) goes along way too. There are plenty of beautiful women in the world who are not vain! More than likely, this is the type of woman you will have when you are on your way up. So, if you decide to drop your true beauty for some eye candy, don’t complain when she gets all sticky and leaves in 7 years with the kid (which entitles her to child support and alimony) and half of everything you own. As said earlier, less is more when dealing with women. But if you are willing to give more of money than yourself in a relationship, and if you are happy, then I guess you’re getting what you pay for.

Never be the nice guy!

The saying “nice guys finish last” is true in every sense of the word! There are two types of nice guys: one gets taken advantage of by their woman or women, while the other gets taken advantage of by people in general. But since we’re talking about women, we will stick with the first guy. I explained earlier why women like bad boys, which pretty much explain why nice guys finish last when it comes to dating women. So how does a young man become a nice guy? In my opinion, most young men start out as nice guys, because they lack the confidence as well as the understanding of how to talk to a woman. Especially if you don’t have a positive male figure in your life to help guide you. So when you date a young lady for the first time, you are completely clueless, you start doing everything she says to try and be that perfect guy you see in those romance movies she loves so much. Because it always seems to work out for the guy in the movies! But somehow she becomes unhappy in your relationship and leaves you for another guy who is completely opposite of you; usually a bad boy. You’re crushed! And without the proper advice this cycle can repeat itself over and over again! So what happened? Well, being in a relationship with a woman for the first time is like driving a car for the first time. The more you do it, the better you will get at it. But without the right driving coach, you can sometimes develop bad habits that can cause you to get into many accidents later on! So here are something’s young men must change about themselves when dating women if they don’t want to be labeled as the nice guy:

Be comfortable in your own skin! Stop trying to always please women (or people in general) when you meet them by trying to prove your self-worth! Don’t be afraid to be yourself, but don’t be strange or weird. Be respectful to women, but be honest about your feelings if you meet a woman you like. This will keep you out of the friend zone, and will let her know where you stand with her. Treat her like your woman and not your mother in respect to sex! Being respectful to women is one thing, and treating them like saints is something else. Women want respect in a relationship but they also want the freedom to express themselves freely without the fear of being judged. So stop treating her like a saint. She’s your lady, not the Virgin Mary.

Stop taking advice from women on what women like or want in a man! If women were truly honest about what they want in a relationship, bad boys would not be so successful with them. And always, always stand up for yourself, and don’t allow anyone (including women) to walk all over you! A woman like a strong confident man who goes after what he wants in life -including her! So does this mean you have to become a bad boy to get women? I don’t believe so and here’s why! Nice guys are the complete opposite of bad boys. Good guys are somewhere in the middle. There is a huge difference between a nice guy and a good man. A good man knows when to be nice and when to be tough! This is a balancing act that most men get better at as life goes on.

So, now you know that being a nice guy means you are a push-over. Most folks do not respect a person who allows everyone to walk all over them. So man up!

Never marry an older woman; especially when you are young (late teens/ -early twenties).

What do I mean by ‘older woman’? I mean a woman who is 5 and no more than 7 years, older than you. As men, we go through 3 major changes in our lives. When we are young (in our late teens and early to mid twenties), we have a very care free attitude about life. We simply do not take life too seriously, so we tend to live for the moment. It’s at this point in our lives when we make bad decisions. When we reach our late twenties to mid thirties we begin to take life more seriously and thus begin to plan for our future, so at this point we begin to take control of our lives. We get rid of unwanted baggage, pursue our careers, and begin to pay off our debts. When we reach our late thirties to mid forties, we have matured into the men we are. At this point we have become wiser, wealthier, and more stable in our lives. So when you meet an older woman at the first stage of your life, you really have not grown enough to fully understand what you want out of life -and an older woman knows this! An older woman understands that young men in their late teens early twenties are at their sexual peak. This is also true for women who are in their late thirties to mid forties. Although this seems like a match made in heaven, sexually the older woman has the upper hand in the relationship. Why? Because older women understand that at this young stage of your life, she can use her sexual experience to control you, and with that control she will try and mold you into the man she wants you to be!

But why will some older single women feel a need to take advantage of a younger man? Well to answer that question we must first talk about what women need. Women need security & companionship in their lives. Security is very important to women. So much so that if you gave women a choice to marry the man of their dreams, who is poor vs. an average- looking guy who is rich, nine times out of ten they will choose the rich guy. For men, it’s sex! If you gave a man a choice to marry the woman of his dreams that will take care of his every need except sex vs. an average- looking woman who will take care of most of his needs but loves sex, ten times out of ten he will pick the woman who loves sex. So if women need to feel financially secure in a relationship, why then does an older woman who is single but financially secure be attracted to a younger man who has no money? For companionship and control! No matter how independent a woman maybe, women in general hate to be alone. Most single, mature women who are financially secure have problems getting men their own age or older, to be in a committed relationship with them. Why? Well, many of these women do not have an understanding of how to deal with a man as a woman. Many of them feel that because they are making about the same amount, if not more, money than the men in their relationship that somehow they have taken on the male role and no longer need to worry about being the woman her man needs. Unfortunately, many of these women actually believe that this so- called “strong, independent” behavior gets them respect from their men. Sadly, when their relationships fall apart with men their age or older, they tend to blame their success as the reason their men left them. In reality, it is their lack of understanding, of their roles as women (not men) in their relationships that cost the men to leave them or refuse to commit/ -marry them. So many of them start dating men half their age hoping they can catch a guy ( before he matures) in time to mold him into the man she wants (financially successful like her); someone who will learn to accept the type of woman she is -a “strong, independent woman” who knows nothing about how to treat a man. But once this young man matures and realizes that he cannot grow into the man he wants (because he is being forced to become the man she wants!), he will end the relationship with the older woman. Or it can happen where she ends it first because she sees that her efforts to mold this young guy into her ideal man failed. I’m sure there will always be exceptions to the rule. But I’m in my mid forties, and I can honestly tell you that I have never seen this type of relationship make it past 5 years. So don’t do it!

Never abandon your children after a separation or divorce.

If you think that a male present in a child’s life is not that important, then take a look at some of these statistics:

1.) 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes

Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988

2.) Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy, and criminality.

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics, Survey on Child Health, Washington, DC, 1993.

3.) Children reared by a divorced or never-married mother are less cooperative and score lower on tests of intelligence than children reared in intact families. Statistical analysis of the behavior and intelligence of these children revealed "significant detrimental effects" of living in a female-headed household. Growing up in a female-headed household remained a statistical predictor of behavior problems even after adjusting for differences in family income.

Source: Greg L. Duncan, Jeanne Brooks-Gunn and Pamela Kato Klebanov, "Economic Deprivation and Early Childhood Development," Child Development 65 (1994).

4.) Children with fathers at home tend to do better in school, are less prone to depression and are more successful in relationships. Children from one-parent families achieve less and get into trouble more than children from two parent families.

Source: One Parent Families and Their Children: The School's Most Significant Minority, conducted by The Consortium for the Study of School Needs of Children from One Parent Families, co-sponsored by the National Association of Elementary School Principals and the Institute for Development of Educational Activities, a division of the Charles F. Kettering Foundation, Arlington, VA., 1980

5.) In a longitudinal study of 1,197 fourth-grade students, researchers observed "greater levels of aggression in boys from mother-only households than from boys in mother-father households."

Source: N. Vaden-Kierman, N. Ialongo, J. Pearson, and S. Kellam, "Household Family Structure and Children's Aggressive Behavior: A Longitudinal Study of Urban Elementary School Children," Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 23, no. 5 (1995).

6.) The likelihood that a young male will engage in criminal activity doubles if he is raised without a father and triples if he lives in a neighborhood with a high concentration of single-parent families.

Source: A. Anne Hill, June O'Neill, "Underclass Behaviors in the United States," CUNY, Baruch College. 1993

7.) Forty-three percent of prison inmates grew up in a single-parent household -- 39 percent with their mothers, 4 percent with their fathers -- and an additional 14 percent lived in households without either biological parent. Another 14 percent had spent at last part of their childhood in a foster home, agency or other juvenile institution.

Source: US Bureau of Justice Statistics, Survey of State Prison Inmates. 1991

The data shows just how important a man’s role in the development of his children. So if you do not want your child or kids to become a possible statistic, FIGHT for your parental rights. Make certain that you maintain your position as a father in your children lives by learning to balance fun times like shopping, going to the movies, or eating out with helping with their home-work, as well as providing steady advice and guidance when they come to visit you. This will help men avoid becoming “treat dads”, something many fathers become after divorce. (Source: F. Furstenberg, A. Cherlin, Divided Families. Harvard Univ. Press. 1991.)

Why men should NEVER Cry!

Guys there will be times when you will cry times of extreme joy, loss, or pain. But to cry for the sake of crying is not something that’s in most men’s’ nature. An over whelming majority of men in this world are born with the ability to control their emotions. This is a gift that helps most men keep their minds together during hard times, and allows guys the ability to tune out distractions; so we can focus on what’s important at the moment or to just relax. Today society (in my opinion) seems to be on a mission to try and change the natural character (the emasculation) of men as it encourages women to be stronger and men to be weaker (hint, show your emotions). Exactly what does crying mean or represent in an adult man and woman? Well, for women, I believe crying allows them to relieve themselves emotionally of stress. As for men; I believe crying is a sign that a man feels either completely hopeless in a particular situation, or victorious in another. Truth be told, women are attracted to a man’s masculine side (strength) not his feminine! When there is a major problem in the home many families turn to the man of the house to fix that problem. It’s at these moments where most men are at their very best! Becoming that rock (strength) that helps put the family at ease; ensuring that all will be okay as he thinks of some way to fix the problem. It is this male strength that gives a woman confidence in her man’s ability to provide security for her and the family. If her man is crying about every little problem that pops up, she will begin to lose respect for him and his ability to “man up” in their time of need. So, if a man is unable to deal with a problem because he is crying about them rather than trying to resolve it, his family may mistake his emotional state to mean that things are far worse than they really are! This maybe the case, but if it is not, then his family may begin to doubt his ability to handle the day-to-day problems that life brings.

However, in today’s post liberation era, many women think that equality means that every part of a woman’s nature is somehow exactly the same as a man’s including her emotional side. So it is hard for these women to believe that men have the natural ability to control their emotions. Most of these women feel that this is a skill taught to men but somehow not taught to women. But, how can this be when single mothers currently run 63% of homes in the U.S.! Despite this fact, women are naturally the first teachers of a child. So there is no possible way that anyone is teaching young men today about controlling their emotions. In fact it’s the opposite! The truth is, this is just one of the many abilities/differences that help define men and women. It just a part of who we are as men. So show your strength. Keep your emotions in check, and that will help keep your mind focused and together. Yes, she will complain from time to time about it. But she will love you for it in the end.

The Marriage!

So you got married. And as most men do, you had a bachelor party, signaling the end of single life and all its temptations; recognizing your new beginning as a husband. Around the same time your future wife is having a bachelorette party to honor her for becoming a bride, not a wife! This tradition has been the standard form of celebration for most men and women in today’s western societies. Most men feel this tradition is needed to mentally break free of all temptations so they can be better, faithful husbands in their marriage, and yet; today’s society teaches us men that women do not need to prepare to be a wife in a marriage! That husband’s just need to be good to their wives and everyone will live happily ever after. Not quite! With 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, a man need to know if he will still be married in 5 to 10 years especially considering that 70 percent divorce -filers are women! The type of woman you have will greatly determine how long a good man can last in a marriage, because there’s a chance that his bride -to be- decides one day (while in the marriage) that, she no longer wants to be a wife! For this reason a man needs to prepare himself just in case he falls into that 50 percent of couples who do not make it.

If you find yourself married to one of the first 3 types of women mentioned, your chances of getting a divorce within the next 8 years is almost certain (as the data shows). So you will need to do a few things if you do not want to end up broke, in debt, and tied to your ex-wife financially for the next 18years. First, wait to have children! Whatever you do, don’t have kids until you guys are deep into your 8th year of marriage. Why? Divorce destroys children even if both of the parents still respect one another. The separation alone can cause long-term effects that can damage children for generations, according to. (Wallerstein’s The Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children -Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 1991). Rent or, -lease, but do not buy a home until at least 8years into the marriage. Even if you have the money already saved -wait! We all know that 9 times out of 10, the woman gets the home in a divorce, especially if you have children together. But if you rent or lease your home, it will make your divorce from your ex-wife a whole lot easier when there is no property and no kids! But if you do have a home when you meet your wife, you may want to look into getting a premarital or prenuptial agreement. The agreements can keep you from being forced out of your home, if she decides one day she no longer wants to be married to you. Depending on the laws of your state, those agreements may or may not help you keep your property or inheritance, especially if you have children with her. So you will need to do your home-work! Make certain you know what the premarital or prenuptial agreement laws are in your state. This will give you an idea of what you legally can and cannot do. Do not be embarrassed to ask your future wife to sign this agreement. Women are encouraged to ask men to have an STD test before having sex to protect themselves from diseases, so your future wife should understand; asking her to sign a premarital or prenuptial agreement is to protect you from losing your property!

Another option is living together. If you own property and you do not want to go through the legal process of getting a premarital or prenuptial agreement; this can be the next best option for you. Not only will this give you time to save for your wedding, it will allow you to test her patience a little to see if your marriage will last. And if it doesn’t, you will not lose your home or other property because you are not married. Do consider, however, that if you’re now fiancée becomes pregnant with your child, you will be tied to her financially for the next 18years. Unfortunately in today’s society, getting married for some women is about the same as going to the prom. But for those men who invest everything into their marriages, a divorce can be a horrible experience- especially after you have invested into a marriage and a home, upon which you have put so much of your time, trust and hard- earned money, only to be put out of both the home, marriage as well as your role as a parent (if there are children involved)., All this can; and in most cases, will leave you feeling used, abused, and betrayed.

Now the other two types of women are a little different. Those types of women usually stay committed to their marriages for years or to the very end. But they can be unfaithful too, just like the first three women mentioned. In which case, it won’t be her who will be asking for the divorce but you! This means you will have a very tough decision to make (especially if you have a child)! If you guys don’t have kids, what you can lose if you leave, will be half of any property you own during your marriage, as well as your 401k and pension! If you do have children, your property may not be the only thing you will lose. Depending on the decision of the courts and your ex-wife, you may lose your place as a father in your kids’ life. Why? Well, many courts in the U.S. will not care that your ex-wife cheated. Their concern will only be about the children (so they say), so whatever the courts feel the mother needs from you to take care of them, she will get! But if you decide to stay in your marriage, my advice is this: Separate for awhile (a year, 18 months) or what -ever time it takes to get yourself together. Whatever you decide, DO NOT GO STRAIGHT BACK to her! Your wife needs to feel what it would be like not to have you around. This will make most women (not all) respect their man’s place in the marriage. It will also open her eyes to the fact that, it will be next to impossible to find another good man like you who will love, respect, and take care of her the way you have. It’s no secret that most marriages end in divorce, so it will be wise to prepare yourself for what may be coming your way. You may not be able to stop your wife from leaving; but you can avoid losing most of everything you own.

Cheating Wives!

Although the title says cheating wives, we all know both men and women cheat. But the saying, “men lie women cheat”! This is because most men who are having an affair tend to lie to women about being single or separated from their wives, while most women do not! A woman lover tends to know she is in a committed relationship with another man. Most women who cheat will have many reasons to, like: getting back at her man, proving a point, getting something they really want, letting him know she’s not getting enough attention, or the ultimate, I was bored, as mentioned earlier. However, when it comes to a good man’s relationship, the woman seems to be the one who does the cheating, thus the title. Now, if you ask people why a woman would cheat on a good man, many might say that it was boredom. But in my opinion this is the furthest thing from the truth! Look, I get it… women love the attention they get from men. But let’s ask ourselves (as men) a simply question. When you become bored, is the first thought that comes into your head is to do something that would jeopardize your marriage; something -that could possibly lead to the breakdown of your family? Absolutely not! Yet today’s society teaches us men that boredom is an acceptable answer for a woman’s infidelity. So if the husband fails to make his wife happy 24/7, society says it’s acceptable to cheat on the husband or divorce him. Of course, everyone knows that a wife cheating on her husband is wrong, but if she’s not happy, most people believe it’s the man fault! With over 63 percent of homes being run by single women, it should be no surprise that many people today think this way. Only a woman with no understanding of her man’s place in their marriage will find his role as a husband boring! The truth is, she cheats because she does not know how to love a man as a wife, and has become addicted to just being in love! No one has taught this woman that love is a two- way street! The same way she served the relationship in the beginning before she became a wife, she must continue as a wife. However, this type of woman believes she only needs to serve in the beginning and: after the marriage, it now becomes her husband’s full -time job to maintain their happiness. If he fails, then she’s off looking for love all over again.

So how do you know if your woman is cheating? Before we get into that I believe it is important to know how men and women’s minds work. There are many medical explanations out there on this question. But I am a true believer in life experience! With that said my experience has led me to believe that, women’s minds are like tables. What I mean by that is women remember just about everything they have placed or put on their tables. Women’s minds do not separate what is on their tables (friends, job, pets, car, house work, kids etc.) from each other, but instead, connect everything (friends, job, pet, car, house work, kids etc.) together. Men’s minds, on the other hand, -are like bank vaults. What I mean by that is, we men have a separate vault for every area of our lives, and no two should ever meet! Friends, job, pets, car, home-work, kids.. All these have their own vault and will not be opened until they are needed! Now there are Pros and Cons to the way women and men’s minds work. The Pros for women is that, their minds allow them to see everything at once in detail. Not only does this help women remember mostly everything that is going on around them in their daily lives, it allows them, the ability to do more than one thing at a time (multi-task). Now there are Cons connected to this. Because women are able to remember just about everything that is going on around them in detail, they become more emotionally affected because their minds hold on/connect to everything, good or bad. This is why the more a woman has sex with a man, the greater the chances that she will become emotionally attached to him because of how she’s -feeling when she is with him. Most men, however, can emotionally separate sex from love. Now for us men the Pros are that our minds allow the ability to control our emotions, which, in turn, allows us to tune out distractions so we can focus on one task at a time. The Cons to this is that sometimes we can be so focused on what we are trying to do that -we can began to forget about the ones around us unlike most women who remember to stop and smell the roses.

Now I know you guys are thinking that’s good to know, but what does that have to do with how women cheat? A lot and here’s why. When it comes to cheating, I believe most women are just better at it than most men. Why? As just mentioned, women’s minds allow them to see everything at once in detail. This allows a woman to study her man’s day –to- day habits! So if she decides to cheat on her husband, all she will have to do is move in between the gaps in his routine and her husband will never notice a thing. So basically, when a woman cheats, her man becomes a pawn on her mental chess board. And when she needs too; she can make moves on her mental chess board that will simply place him out of the way so not to interfere with her cheating. Now I know this makes it look as if women are so smart and men are just plain stupid, but this is not the case! Because our minds are like bank vaults many guys tend to follow a daily routine that takes us from one vault to another. Simply put, by nature, men are creatures of habit. A woman who wants to cheat simply takes advantage of this. She understands that she has a good man who is loyal to her and is focused on providing for their family. So all she has to do is continue to convince (lie to) her good man that she is loyal to him and he will never question her comings and goings. Unfortunately, this is a problem that is mostly experienced by good men. Bad boys, on the other hand, never seem to have this problem. Some of these same women who cheat on good men are completely loyal to these bad boys for all the reasons I explained earlier.

Though history has shown that men were considered the most likely to cheat in a marriage because the majority have more opportunities to do so since they were the primary providers, now that women are working, this is no longer the case. According to the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey, “the percentage of wives having affairs rose to 14.7 percent in 2010, while the number of men admitting to extramarital affairs held constant at 21 percent.” This is a fact about women today that is not being told, which causes many men to believe the complete opposite. Allowing cheating women, to continue, to maintain this image of being faithful wives -which works to their advantage! Now there are some sign that are pretty clear, or at least should raise some suspicions in most men, that their woman is or maybe cheating on them, like: wanting to go to the club or other social places with her girl-friends frequently and not you, changing her hair-style and outer appearance, not being able to contact her on her cell phone or at work, occasional or no sex in the relationship, and starting arguments with you about absolutely nothing. If you see these signs, be ready! She may be about to end the relationship because she has been involved with another man for a while. But remember that in the beginning, a cheating wife can be very clever in hiding her infidelity from her husband. It’s only when she has grown tired of being with her man that she begins to show signs that she may be cheating. So what are the signs that may mean your wife has started an affair? Well…

I just called to say I love you

No, I’m not talking about the Stevie Wonder classic song. But when you do hear these words coming from your wife, it feels good to know that you are doing all the right things as a husband in your marriage. But when those words are spoken by a cheating woman, it translates into something completely different! “I just called to say I love you” can mean, “I just called to make sure I know where you are (chess move) so now it’s safe for me to cheat!” She knows that saying the words ‘I Love You’ will put her man mind at ease. No man will ever suspect that his wife is about to cheat on him after she just called and said I love you! But for a faithful woman, calling to say I love you means just that! She’s just calling to say she loves you, or she’s calling to ask you to pick up something from the store, on your way home, or she’s calling you to tell you she will be a little late coming home from work because she needs to stop by the store. Whatever the reasons are, it’s the truth when it’s coming from a faithful wife. But for the cheating woman, these are nothing more than opportunities to cheat on her good man without him ever becoming the wiser.

I am taking the kids to visit my family:

She wants to take the kids to see her family (cousins, aunts, grandparents, etc.) this weekend, but you can’t go because you’re working or just tired from a long, hard week. She decides to go without you, and in your mind that’s just great, because it gives you a little peace and quiet for just a few hours. She calls later that day and decides that she and the kids will stay the night at her sister’s place or another relative. Of course you agree with her decision; you might speak with the kids, but before she ends the call, you may hear her say I love you. So what’s wrong with that? Nothing, if you are in a relationship with a faithful wife-. But for the cheating woman, this is just another chess move! She knows her man is home, maybe miles away from where she is. She has the children so there is no way he will ever suspect that she is cheating. However, quite a few women in her immediate family circle (sister, mother, best friend, and first cousins if they are single) know she is cheating and will help cover for her. Like looking after your kids while she is out with her lover. Why? Because misery loves company! These women know she has a good man at home and they do not! So unlike the movies, they will not talk her out of cheating, but will encourage it knowing it will someday end her marriage to this good man. Like the old saying goes, “if you hang with 9 criminals, you are bound to be the tenth.” So if a married woman hangs around 7 single women, she is bound to be the eighth! Any woman is capable of being unfaithful. However, the first three types of women mentioned are the ones more likely to practice this type of behavior. So know what kind of wife you have, and keep your eyes open! Because when a woman cheats on a good man, he is usually the last to know.

I wish you weren’t such a nice guy.

If your wife says anything close to something like this, there’s -a 99 percent chance that she has been cheating on you for quite a while and just feeling bad about it,- because she knows you have not been cheating on her. Does this mean she will stop? No!  This just means she is feeling bad about it because she has no real reason to justify why she is cheating on you. This type of woman has learned all her husband’s habits so well that she knows he will never find out about her cheating unless she or someone else lets him know. She knows her husband loves her and will never suspect that she is cheating on him because she understands that most men believe women only cheat on their husbands when the man cheats on the woman first! But the statistics show this is not true. So if your woman ever tells you something like this, it may be time for you to go! Unfortunately, if you have kids or property, this will not be so easy. You will have to decide what’s -best for you! Depending on what you have invested into your marriage, you may want to just leave for a while (separate for about 18months). If she asks why you are leaving, just tell her that you know she is cheating on you so you’re just giving you and her some space. Of course she will deny it, but hold your ground! No woman who loves and respects her man will ever risk losing her husband by giving him such a big hit she cheating. This woman has lost so much respect for her man that; at this point, she is now taking him for granted. She is confident that she can convince her man of just about anything as long as she keeps playing the ‘good and faithful wife’ role. That if her man ever asks her what it means when she says “I wish you weren’t such a nice guy,” she knows she can just simply lie to him and he will believe every word because she knows he loves her. The only way you can get yourself- respect back from this woman is to leave her. Hopefully this will give her time to clean up her act. Or maybe you will find out that you are better off without her! Either way, it puts you back into the driver seat of your life! Everyone has to demand respect in their relation. The one who gets it will be the one who is willing to walk away. Now for some clarification: if you do something for your wife and she says you are a good husband or something like that, that’s completely different. A wife recognizing her husband’s willingness to help in her time of need and a wife coming out of nowhere with something like “I wish you weren’t such a nice guy” are clearly not the same thing.

She’s been just a little too nice lately!

Is there such a thing? Yes! An unfaithful woman can sometimes go a little over-board with the niceness when she’s -trying to keep her man in the dark about her cheating by showing him a lot more attention than he is used to. Does this mean she’s feeling a little guilty for cheating on her man and so this is her way of saying she’s sorry? Maybe, but more than likely not! This is a woman who is having her cake and eating it too! She doesn’t want to lose her husband, but she also wants to hold on to her other male lover. Therefore, she must convince her husband that she is still totally faithful to him so he will never ever think she is cheating on him. She does this by paying extra attention to his every need. So is this just another chess move like “I just called to say I love you?” Unfortunately, it can be but if she works like most women do today, then “I just called to say I love you” will be her chess move. If she is a homemaker (house-wife) then showing her husband extra attention is what she may do to keep her husband blind.

DIVORCE

(WELCOME TO THE 50 BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY)

Yes that’s billion with a B! There are some divorces where getting a divorce lasts longer than the marriage and costs more than the wedding. Despite knowing this, going through the horrors of a divorce for most couples can be far worse than you can imagine, especially when there are kids and property involved. So you need to know how the Family Courts system works if you are getting a divorce! First, what is a Family court? Divorces are heard in Family courts, which are called equity courts or Courts of equity not Courts of Law! So what are Equity Courts? This is the best and shortest answer I could find:

Equity Court

A court of equity is also known as an equity court or chancery court. It is a court that passes judgment on disputes by virtue of fairness rather than the law. As the term itself infers, a court of equity passes an equitable decision in disputes. It may be separate and independent from the court of law, or a court of law may also act as a court of equity depending on the judgment given. Bankruptcy courts are one such example of a court of law that also functions as a court of equity.

The principle idea of a court of equity is that a ruling based on the laws may not be fair or equitable to the parties involved, especially the slighted party. Thus, a court of equity provides a
more evenhanded decision. Because each dispute is settled by providing a fair decision, a court of equity may not set a precedent. Decisions are made solely on a case-to-case basis and cannot be applied to any other case or to be used in reference to another case.

Despite deciding based solely on equitability, a court of equity still has legal obligations it must fulfill in settling a dispute. However, a judge in a court of equity is not limited to come to a decision based on previous interpretations of the law. A judge from this type of court may have the option to explore every reasonable argument present in the dispute before reaching a decision. As such, courts of equity are seen to be more lenient and more reasonable than courts of law.

I am sure most men who have been through the Family Court system will completely disagree with that last line! Being a divorced father, I certainly do. But let’s see if I can explain this a little more clearer. Like the court shows on Cable TV (People’s Court, Judge Judy, etc.), They have judges that can decide on a case based on how they feel regardless of the laws. But the courts on Cable TV are not courts and the judges are not really judges. What’s on TV is called an Arbitration. Arbitrations are only possible if both people agree to have their case heard by a neutral third person, who is usually an attorney or former judge! So the judges on these cable shows are former judges or lawyers who used to practice law in a real court system. People who come on those shows sign a contract with the network to be on the show, so they are well aware they are not in a real court. But decisions made in arbitrations are final, and there are no appeals afterwards, so you only get one shot! Now the Judges in Family Courts are called magistrates. Like the judges on TV, magistrates are not judges! A magistrate is “a civil officer or lay judge who administers the law, especially one who conducts a court that deals with minor offenses and holds preliminary hearings for more serious ones.” Unlike TV- shows magistrates must follow the family laws of their States and apply them fairly, family-court magistrates have the flexibility not to obey the laws if they feel it will bring harm to a child or deny the other spouse a legal right ( like a parental right). And if any one of the spouses disagrees with the magistrate’s decision or his and hers conduct in respect to the law, they can appeal the case to the Circuit Court, which is a Court of Law! The Circuit Court will only change a magistrate’s ruling; if it violates or denies a spouse of his or her rights according to the laws of its State or the Constitution. Simply put, you have to name the law or laws that were broken in your case if you want the Circuit Court to change the ruling of a magistrate. Now that you have a basic understanding of how Family Courts are set up, how do you handle a divorce in this system?

Avoid going to court.

When getting a divorce, do everything you can to stay out of the Family Court system especially if you have children. Since women file the majority of divorces, more than likely it will be your wife asking for the divorce. This is the perfect time -and may be the only time -that -you can work something out with your ex-wife that will be fair. Because at this point she is ready to move on with her new man and you are just delaying that! She expects you to fight with her all the way through the divorce. So if you start arguing with her or begging her to stay it will only make your divorce more heart breaking and costly for you. Keep your cool and bend a lot! That means discussing how much child support you will be paying to her if you have children, and how often you will have the kids. I suggest seeing them every day of the week, if possible, and rotate the weekends. If there are properties involved, discuss who will get what. If there is a home, will you guys be selling it? If not, how much of the child support will be used to pay towards the mortgage? Let her feel- that she is getting her way so you can get what you want! Also never pay her cash! Always by check and keep your receipts of all money spent, when your children are with you. In case one day, she tries to claim you never did anything for her or the kids, you will have proof. If you do not have kids or property to divide, consider yourself lucky! Sign the divorce papers and move on with your life! But if you do have children, it’s very important to make certain that your divorce decree gives both you and your ex-wife joint custody so neither parent can take the child out of the State or move so far where it becomes a problem for the other parent. Michigan is the only State currently in the U.S. (that I am aware of) that prevents the custodial parent (married or not) from leaving the State or moving more than 100 miles without the other parent’s -permission. You also need to make certain that your divorce decree has a mediation clause that allows either parent to bring the other to mediation if the visitation you both agreed to has now been made difficult by the other parent. What is mediation? Mediators are a third neutral person that helps parents make a parenting plan that is in the best interest of your children; like planning child time for both parents, and to help deal with any anger or resentment issues. Having a mediation clause in your divorce decree will force both parents to sit down and work out any visitation issue with a mediator first. If you guys cannot make a decision, the mediator will do what is fair and in the best interest of the children. This means no Family Court! This also means no lawyers, which equals to no cost to either parent. The end result is a quick resolution to a problem that can take years to resolve in a family court and a ton of money in legal fees. Mediation is only possible if both parents agree to do it, so keep a cool head and bend a little bit so you can get both the joint and mediation clause added to your divorce decree. Because once your ex-wife’s relationship with her new man begins to fall apart (as many do), or you began to move forward with your life with your new woman, she will begin to make things very difficult for you and the kids. California is the only State currently (that I’m aware of) that allows a parent who has been falsely accused of child abused to file sanctions against the parent who made the false allegations.

Family Court!

Many couples usually end up in family court because one or both spouses are angry and just cannot agree on anything. So they try to use the Family Court system to punish the other. When attorneys see clients with all this emotion, they understand that they are willing to spend all they have to seek revenge on the other, which means MONEY in their pockets! So what should you do (when you are in a situation like this) to avoid spending a lot of money on legal fees? First, understand that your lawyer is not your friend! Yes, they are nice because they are professionals. But you are just another client to them. Second, they work for you! Meaning, they have to do what you tell them to. By all means, listen to your attorney’s advice (that’s why you hired them), but keep an open mind. You are paying them to represent you in court, but they are also there to explain the laws to you so you can understand what is going on in your case. So take advantage of this! Have a thought-out plan of what you want and what you are willing to do without. Have that ready to share with your attorney so they can educate you on the laws of the State, as well as the time it may take to get what you are asking for. Also, do your research online to make certain that the advice that you are getting from your attorney on how to handle your case is sound. One mistake I see many people do when they get a lawyer is entrust everything to their attorneys without becoming familiar with the Family laws of their State. By becoming aware of the laws, you will be able to understand the choices you have before you, which will help you make better decisions in your case.

Now in some instances, you may see where one spouse is willing to do just about anything to end the case quickly, while the other spouse is in revenge mode and will pull out every dirty trick from the book to try and destroy the other. When this happens, you will not be able to avoid spending a lot of unnecessary money on legal fees defending yourself which can destroy you financially. The only other option you have to avoid this is to file pro se! This means you will no longer be represented by an attorney; you will be representing yourself! Now keep in mind that; Family Court is a Court of Equity and not a Court of Law, and because cases in Family Court are considered a civil matter, -not criminal, the courts do not have to provide you with an attorney (as explained earlier) if you cannot afford one. Now filing pro se is risky, but since most divorces are filed within the first 5years of marriage (mostly by younger couples between the ages of 20 to 29) you may not have as much property to worry about who gets what as other couples who have been married 15years or more. Couples who have been married that long have built quite a bit together and would greatly benefit from having an attorney. However, younger couples’ biggest issues in Family Court are the kids. No matter how much money you spend on an attorney (in my opinion), you are the best person to defend your character as a father when it is challenged in Family Court or any court! As long as you can prove everything you say about yourself and disprove everything said that is negative, you should be okay. So make sure you have all you facts ready, and prepare to present them to the court. Not only will filing pro se help you financially, it will also put the financial burden on the other spouse, which can force them to have to work something out with you in the courts, because they will no longer be able to pay for an attorney. So how does one prepare themselves to proceed Pro Se?

Pro Se.

When filing pro se, you must first prepare yourself mentally for court! Any emotional outburst in a court can be seen as aggressive and will be used against you, especially when you are a man! Why? Western society today currently sees men as naturally abusive creatures (although the data clearly shows this is not true). As always, there are pros and cons when you choose to represent yourself. One pro will be that you are able to defend yourself against any action filed against you without the fear of being financially destroyed. A con is that it will take a lot of work and take up a lot of your spare time! But this is a small price to pay when you are defending your rights as a parent and your reputation as a decent human being! If you had an attorney before you decided to file pro se, your lawyer should have made you somewhat familiar with the family laws in your State if you were asking the right questions. If you no longer or never had an attorney, you will need to use the legal assistants/aides provided by the court system in your State. When anyone files pro se, the courts must have some legal assistant/aid available to help you prepare for your case. They do this by familiarizing you with the Family Laws of the State and the rules of the Court. The legal assistant can also help you file the proper paper-work. Do note, however, that a legal assistant cannot give legal advice or represent you in court. Many of them work on a first-come, first-served basis or by appointment only. And they help a lot of people every day! So when you meet with a legal assistant, you make certain that you have all your paper-work with you, do not expect the aide to go through all of it. Instead, you will need to explain a very short version of what happened to you, and what help you will need from the assistant. For example: if a spouse files a motion for full custody against the other spouse in family court, and in that motion they’re accusing the other of being a dead-beat and an abuser, the spouse being accused can go to a legal assistant (whether you can afford an attorney or not), and explain what happen, and provide proof that disproves what is claimed in the motion. From there the assistant will help them file the proper paper-work to the court so they can be ready to defend themselves at the hearing. You do not normally need to have proof when you meet with an assistant! That is just an example. A legal assistant will help you the best they can with whatever you have, so whatever proof you have that can support you, the better your assistant can help you with your case. And use the Internet! The Internet is a great place to find people who have already been through what you are about to face, and some are willing to share that experience with you to help prepare you for what is coming. Others are even willing to help provide some legal assistance for -your case! So do your home-work and choose wisely!

Another thing to keep in mind when you file pro se is that, you do not have to be perfect! The courts know that you are not an attorney, and they cannot or are not supposed to treat you like one. This is what seems to stop most people from representing themselves; they believe they have to be just as good as an attorney in order to win their case. This is not true! In the case Haines v Kerner, 404 U.S. 519 the United States Supreme Court says: pro se litigants are held to less stringent pleading standards than BAR registered attorneys. Regardless of the deficiencies in their pleadings, “pro se litigants are entitled to the opportunity to submit evidence in the support of their claims.” The U.S. Supreme Court also: instructed the lower courts to construe pro se complaints liberally and to apply a more flexible standards in determining the sufficiency of a prose complaint than they would in reviewing a pleading submitted by counsel. Hughes v. Rowe, 449 U.S. 5, 9-10. This means that whatever help you get from your legal assistant and all other sources, should be enough to help you present your case in court. You may want to mention these two U.S. Supreme Court cases in your motion just to let the courts know that you are aware of your legal rights as a pro se litigant. You can also use these cases to support an appeal to the Circuit Court if a magistrate ever denies you the right to speak or present evidence in your case, because no lawyer is representing you. I hope this information has taken the fear out of filing pro se and has given you a better understanding on how to handle yourself in a court if you choose to go this route.

CHILD SUPPORT

(IS IT REALLY CHILD SUPPORT OR AN UNCONSTITUTIONAL FORM OF SPOUSAL SUPPORT FOR WOMEN?)

One thing is certain: when it comes to divorce women clearly are favored more when it comes to child support. A lot of men feel that most of the money received by their ex-wives will never be used for their children. This is because most States in the United States does not allow the non-custodial parent (parent without the children) to question the custodial parent (parent with the children) on how the money is to be used to provide for their kids. This is not child support (in my opinion), but just another form of spousal support -and here’s why! If a non- custodial parent’s child support payment is $600 a month, the custodial parent should be able to show how they use that $600 a month on their child. But the family courts do not give the non-custodial parent this right to ask the custodial parent this question. In fact, the courts tell the non-custodial parent that they cannot ask the custodial parent how they are going to use that money to support your child! This allows the custodial parent to do with the money as they please. So why is child support so one-sided when it comes to divorce (with 53.4 percent of women awarded child support compared to only 28.8 percent of men according to the 2011 U.S. Census.) when the data shows that women are not superior to men when it comes to paying child support or raising children as a single parent? Some divorced women have been known to fall into poverty after their divorces while most men tend to recover better financially! Aha! Now there, I believe, is why the courts favor women over men when it comes to child custody.

In 1985, a sociologist named Lenore Weitzman's wrote a book called The Divorce Revolution. In that book Ms. Weitzman made a claim women’s -standard of living decreased by 73 percent, while men’s standard of living increased by 42 percent after a divorce. This study by Ms. Weitzman has had a great impact on how the laws were written, and how Family Court judges handled men and women differently when it comes to divorce/ child support. When you look at those numbers it’s hard to believe that men really benefit that much financially after a divorce and you would be correct! The numbers in Ms. Weitzman’s book were proven to be incorrect by sociologist Atlee Stroup and economics Gene Pollock; both professors with PhDs in their respected fields. They wrote an article in the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, in 1994 entitled "Economic Consequences of Marital Dissolution." In that article, their study showed that women’s income levels fell by 22 percent, and men’s income levels fell by 10 percent. Although the data shows that men are doing better by 12 percent, it is nowhere near the 42 percent mentioned in 1985. This fact has been known since 1994, but the Court system still seems to follow Ms. Lenore Weitzman’s data, when it comes to deciding child support for men. According to “Lies, Damned Lies, and Lenore Weitzman” an article written by Cristopher Rapp, since the release of Ms. Weitzman’s numbers in 1985, they have been cited in over 170 newspaper and magazine articles, 350 social science articles, 250 law review articles, 24 state appellate and supreme court cases, and one U.S. Supreme Court decision. Her numbers also appeared in former President Bill Clinton's 1996 budget proposal to address deadbeat dads. So it is no doubt (at lease in my mind) that Ms. Weitzman numbers clearly affected the court system, as to favoring women in child support cases. With that said, we now have to ask: what is child support, and what is it really supposed to be used for?

According to familylaw-freeadvice.com:

What is Child Support?

“Child support is a form of support payment that is often ordered when two parents are no longer living together. It is in the best interest of any child to have financial support from both parents. It is also sound public policy to require that parents support their children so those children do not become wards of the state or otherwise dependent upon state -run welfare or support programs. Child support may be ordered even in instances where a parent does not have contact with his or her child, unless that parent has legally surrendered parental rights with the permission of both the court and the other parent.”

What is child support supposed to be used for?

“Child support is an amount payable by one parent to the other to make sure that a child is cared for and shares in, to some degree, the standard of living enjoyed by both parents. The purpose of child support is to protect the child from the economic impact of divorce or separation. Therefore, child support should be used for both the basic necessities of the child, such as food, shelter, childcare, and education, as well as the additional things that the child enjoyed during the marriage.”

Now the one statement that stands out for me is this one: “…parents support their children so those children do not become wards of the state or otherwise dependent upon state-run welfare or support programs.” Child support was created to allow a child, to have financial support from both parents. This means both parents are equally financially responsible for their child, right? Not quite! We now know that a woman standard of living, on average falls, 22 percent compared to a man’s 10 percent. So since the men’s standard of living suffers less than women. The courts must feel that men are better at recovering financially than women after a divorce. This may explain why the courts always seem to place the financial burden on men in a divorce by way of child support. That ends up becoming nothing more than another form of spousal support that helps the ex-wife stay financially stable so she will not become a financial burden to the State. Keep in mind that; the Family Courts System does not give the non-custodial parent the right to ask the custodial parent how they are going to use the money to support their child! This single act by our Courts makes it very clear (at least to me) that the system is not concerned about how the custodial parent handles this money. As long as the non-custodial parent is paying it, the States feel that they will not have to! In others words, better you than them.

But why is it that many divorced women (on average) do worse financially after a divorce? As explained in the introduction, quite a few women are divorcing good men because they just want out of the marriage, and not because they are being mentally or physically abused. These women want the physical and financial freedom to do as they please without having to answer to their husbands or feel bad if they were to cheat. Women who receive child support can end up with 16 percent of the children’s father’s income! So if the father makes $65,000 a year, she can roughly get about $10,000 additional tax-free money a year. So if she makes about $55,000 a year, -she will end up with a total of $65,000. Her ex-husband’s income will fall to $55,000, which is all taxable dollars, and he will not be able to claim his own child on his taxes if the mother is claiming their kid on her taxes! Now, if she does not have a job at the time of her divorce, the courts will award her a fixed amount of alimony payments, which are taxable income and can be claimed as a deductible by the spouse paying it. This money allows her time to get back into the working world. Her education may determine what kind of job she can get, how long the alimony payments will last, and how much child support you the ex-husband will pay.

As we can see, women clearly do better financially when awarded child support, and yet after divorce, their standard of living falls 22 percent compared to men’s 10 percent. What is happening here?! Well, I believe some of these women ignore the fact that they are now fully responsible for everything after a divorce. While most men make adjustments to their life so they can afford to live! When a woman is married, her standard of living is based on the income of two working people (if she has a job), not one! So if she makes $55,000 and her husband makes $65,000 they have a combined income of $120,000 a year. Once she gets a divorce, her income is reduced to $65,000 a year (child support added), thus changing her standard of living. However, if the wife was not working during the marriage, her standard of living may not be affected as much because she has been living on one income. The majority of women today are college educated, and are capable of getting a job making close to, if not more, than their husbands’. If this is the case, her financial standard of living will not be affected. However, many women after a divorce will begin living out their fantasies as newly single women (buying new clothes, taking trips etc.) while most men make hard adjustments to their lives (filing bankruptcy, moving to a one-bedroom apartment, etc.) that allows them to slowly recover financially. Those women who choose to live a carefree life-style then find themselves broke and in debt within the first 3 years of their divorce. This causes financial problems not just for herself but her children as well. Now the father who is paying 16 percent of his income for child support to his ex-wife finds himself supporting his kids again! But if the father tries to take his ex-wife to court to demand that she shows how the money for their child is being spent, he will be told by the Family court that the law will not allow him to request that information! This is why I believe child support is nothing more than an unconstitutional form of spousal support imposed mostly on men by the Family Court system! Without going too deeply into the legal world, I will try to explain this. In these United States, everyone is entitled to Equal protection of the laws! Equal protection is defined as: the right of all persons to have the same access to the law and courts, and to be treated equally by the law and courts, both in procedures and in the substance of the law.etc.. The child support laws were created so children can have financial support from both parents. The way the laws are currently written, a custodial parent can choose to send a child to a private school, and depending on how much the non-custodial parent makes, the courts will order them to pay a half, if not most of the bill. It does not matter if the non-custodial parent disagrees with the custodial parent’s -decision. The custodial parent has custody of their child, so they have the final say as long as it is in the best interest of the kid! Now this should also work in reverse, but because of the way the laws are written, it does not! The non-custodial parent cannot challenge the custodial parent on how they are caring for their child’s (physically or financially) needs, unless the non-custodial parent can prove to the Courts that, the child is being neglected. This is not equal protection of the laws! Since both the Courts and the custodial parent can look at the finances of the non-custodial parent to make decisions on how their child’s standard of living should be, then the non-custodial parent should have the right to make sure their child is being cared for by those same high standards set by the Courts. But the way it is currently, as long as the custodial parent can show their child has food, clothing, and shelter; the courts do not care how the rest of the money is being used.

The courts also allow the custodial parent to come back every 2years to see if the non-custodial parent has had any increase in their pay. If so, the courts will then raise the non-custodial parent’s child support payment without ever asking the custodial parent to show how the money in the last 2years was used in supporting their child, nor allowing the non-custodial parent to ask the custodial parent that question! If both parents are responsible for the security of their child but one cannot ask how that security is being used for the support of their child, not only is that unconstitutional, it proves (to me) this is really just another form of spousal support based on the information sited earlier. I believe because of Ms. Lenore Weitzman's book, our government felt a need to raise the amount of child support payments of the non-custodial parent in order to fix the financial problems of the custodial parent. Although this may have helped the States reduce the number of single mothers with children needing some form of State assistance it did the complete opposite when it comes to keeping the family together. The States do not hold any person accountable for their actions when they choose to leave a marriage for no reason at all. Instead, -the States encourage it with the current no-fault divorce and child support laws. For women who were never married to their child’s father, I can see how these laws help ensure that they will receive some form of security for their children without having to apply for any State assistance. But for women who are married, these laws do nothing more but to help make it easier for them to leave a healthy marriage. All women married today understand this, and if they choose to leave for whatever reason, they know that as long as they have kids, the laws will support them no matter what!

CONCLUSION

With everything said in this book, I ‘m sure both men and women would agree that we are moving into two completely different direction when it comes to marriage and raising children! This is the result (in my opinion) of society’s pursuit of the complete emasculation of men, through the misrepresentation of gender equality that has convinced most women to abandon their natural roles as Child bearers, Nurturers, Teachers, Organizers, and Caretakers/supporters in order to take on a manlier role in society. This has caused a generation of women who have not been raised with a loving father figure at home, to see men not as men, but more as women who are capable of doing a few physical things they cannot. These women feel that men think exactly the way women do. So much so that when she asks a man to do something for her and he does exactly what he was told to do but not what she was really thinking, she becomes angry because she believes he knew what she really wanted and did what he did because he was just being a typical mean, insensitive guy! So now she feels she must punish her man for disobeying her! WHAT?! YES!!! Society has convinced most women today that men are evil, mean, insensitive creatures that must be kept under a woman’s control for men’s own good.

Now for you young men, I know this sounds crazy, so I will give an example, Let’s say: one day your wife gets a promotion on her job. She calls to tell you the good news. You congratulate her and you say, “Hey, let’s go out and celebrate!” She says, “No (in a modest way). It’s not that big a deal.” You say, “Are you sure?”! She says -yes, so you forget about it and move on with your day. A week or so goes by and she starts an argument for no reason at all. In that argument you find out that she believes that you are jealous of her new promotion because you did not take her out to celebrate! You quickly defend yourself and try to remind her that you did ask if she wanted to go out and she said no! Somehow she gets memory lost and does not remember you asking her that question, leaving you standing there like a deer in head-lights wondering what the heck just happened! Well, what happened is… -you’re a man! So you are guilty for not being in tune with her feelings, forcing her to lie to you about the conversation you guys had about celebrating her promotion. Because the way she sees it, you had no attention of taking her out. In her mind, you only asked knowing she would say no so you could justify not taking her any-where! In short, you tricked her because, again, you’re just being that mean, insensitive guy the world keeps saying men are! Now because society teaches us that women are angels and not human beings, any problems in a relationship must be the man’s fault! And it must be because we men keep trying to fix a problem about ourselves that is not real by trying to think more like a woman so these misunderstandings with our wives or girlfriends will never happen again. But it does! It continues to happen over and over again. So much so, you just give up and become a ship with no sail, a drift in an ocean (the home you share with your wife) hoping not to float into any rough seas by going into your man cave to avoid being told by your wife how selfish and
insensitive you are. This is how a man becomes emasculated. But most men will never know they are becoming this emasculated guy because they were raised to believe that men are evil; developing a form of implicit bias which is defined by The Kirwan Institute at Ohio State University as:

“…attitudes or stereotypes that affect our understanding, actions, and decisions in an unconscious manner…”

If you do not believe that society has affected your way of thinking as to male and female accountability and sympathy, let me give you some examples of how society currently view the action of a man vs. the same act by a woman.

If a man comes home from work and cooks for his wife, he’s a good husband. If a woman comes home from work and cooks for her husband she is a slave!

If a man goes to the store to buy his wife feminine napkins he’s a REAL MAN! If a woman washes her husband’s underwear, she is stupid!

If a man wants his wife to go to an event with him and she does not want to go, she is not interested in going. If a woman wants her husband to go to an event with her and he does not want to go, he’s being insensitive.

If a man leaves town for a week or so and has an affair with another woman, he is a pig! If a man leaves town for a week or so and his wife has an affair with another man, she is lonely!

If a man yells at his wife for spending too much money on clothes she does not need, he’s being mentally abusive. If a woman yells at her husband for buying a new TV from a bonus he received from his job, she’s just upset because he did not buy her anything.

If a man tells his wife he does not want her to wear a certain outfit because it is too revealing, he’s being insecure and controlling. If a woman tells her husband she does not want him to wear a certain outfit because it looks embarrassing, she’s -protecting their image.

If a man pushes a woman out of his space for yelling mean, degrading things about him while in his face, he is physically abusive. If a woman slaps a man at a bar for saying sexual, degrading things in her ear, he deserves it for disrespecting a woman.

If a man physically assaults a woman in public with a weapon because she no longer wants to be with him, society sees him as a MONSTER that should be executed on the spot! If a woman cuts off a man’s penis while he is sleeping then throws it into a garbage disposal, society humorously wants to know what he did that made her sooo angry.

In the United States and other parts of the world, if a man’s foreskin is removed at child-birth, it is a religious ritual, family tradition, or for personal hygiene. But in these same societies, if a woman’s clitoral hood is removed by people in other parts of the world for religious or traditional reasons, it is called genital mutilation.

Okay, I believe we now get the point I’m making! With all that said, where do we go from here? If we men want the way we are currently viewed in society to change, then we must step up and be MEN! We cannot blame women for not respecting us as men if we are not holding women accountable for being women. These women will never change their negative views of men -and why should they! Men continue to reward women’s bad behavior through the gifts of marriage, security, children, and companionship. So when these women come to us with this evil-men mentality, instead of correcting or just sending them on their way, we tend to abandon our true nature as men to become this neutral, genderless human being that does not represent the 5 basic principles of man. When this happens, it sends the (wrong!) message that what she has been told about men being actually like women is right! Women have no biological idea what it takes to be a man. Women cannot change these false ideas they have about men and women’s equality until we show them something different. If us men were to begin withholding our security and companionship from women, for respect and loyalty the same way women with-hold sex from men for security and companionship, we will quickly see things change for the better but that suggestion is highly unlikely to happen! Despite what society says about women’s independence, women still very much value the security and companionship of a good man! Most just don’t know how to respect a man like that. So we must show them how, by respecting and promoting ourselves as Strong Men! This can be hard for some young guys today, especially if a woman raised him with no father figure in his life. For those young men, this book is written for you; to help guide you on your path to true man-hood. For all other men, this was written to inspire you to take back your position as the head! Men are the head because men are the defenders of their home and community. You cannot defend your family from the back! You must place yourself at the head in order to protect your family from danger while leading them through the wilderness! Women are the child-bearers; they are the preservers of life. Men are the defenders; we’re the protectors of life. Trying to decide which role is more important is like trying to choose food over water or water over food. Take either one away and death is certain! That is what true gender equality is; understanding that the roles of both men and women are critical to the strength of any home, community, or nation! Removing either one will cause your home, community and nation to slowly crumble. For it will have no foundation to stand on.