Author: Hart, Desiree
Date: 2019-01-01
Publisher: Boss Babe Publications

Love, Mischa

✽✽✽

Desiree Hart

Love, Mischa Copyright © 2018 by Desiree Hart. All Rights Reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

Cover designed by Boss Babe Publications

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Desiree Hart

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing: Jan 2019
Boss Babe Publications

ISBN 9781792746765

Chapter 1

I

was almost all the way to my car when it happened. Suddenly someone grabbed me from behind, his hand covering my mouth. I tried to struggle, but he was too strong.

The next thing I knew, I was free. Someone else had pulled him off me and now held a gun in my attacker's face. "I wasn't gonna do anything to her," the man who'd attacked me whined.

"No, you're not," my rescuer said fiercely. In the dark I couldn't make out his features, but I could see that he wore a security guard's uniform. "Are you all right?" he asked me. He had a slight Russian accent, and my heart began to beat faster as I realized that his voice sounded familiar.

"I...I think so," I stammered. "He just scared me real bad, that's all."

"Tracy?" His voice was full of wonder.

"Do I know you?" I asked.

"Don't you remember?" He laughed. "It's me, Mischa!"

Mischa. I'd said good-bye to him ten years ago. I'd met him when he'd ended up practically on my back doorstep quite by accident. He'd befriended my brother Adam and his friends, and I'd taken care of his injured arm, but then he'd had to return to his home in Russia. At the time, I'd thought I'd never see him again.

"But how...how did you get back here?" I stammered.

"It's a long story. I'll tell you another time. Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm positive," I told him. "I need to get home to my kids."

"Kids?" He looked disappointed.

"I'm a single Mom," I explained.

"Oh." He looked relieved. "Well, take care, and I'm sure I'll see you again soon." He gave me that enchanting smile I remembered so well and returned to his duties, and I drove home, still shaken a bit from what had almost happened to me but thrilled to have seen Mischa again.

Upon returning home, I paid the babysitter, Penny, and went to check on Sage and Meadow before getting ready for bed myself. Four-year-old Sage lay sound asleep underneath his Power Rangers quilt, clutching his pillow tightly, and fourteen-month-old Meadow lay curled in her crib with her thumb in her mouth. I kissed them both lightly on the cheek before going to my own bedroom.

As I drifted off to sleep, memories of my first encounter with Mischa returned to me. In his sailor suit, he looked so adorable, and with his longish dark blond hair swept back, his bright blue eyes, I'd fallen for him right away. In the brief amount of time we'd had together, we hadn't been able to get to know one another very well, but I'd become quite fond of him, and felt sad when he'd had to say good-bye. I'd watched until I couldn't see him anymore, hoping deep inside that I'd see him again someday.

Now I couldn't wait to find out what had brought him back to the United States.

✽✽✽

Is this seat taken?" asked a male voice near me. My heart skipped a beat when I turned to see Mischa's smiling face.

"Now it is." It was the following day, and I was eating lunch in the hospital cafeteria. My morning tasks had pushed the reunion with Mischa out of my mind, but now it came to the forefront once again.

"So, how has your morning been?' he asked as he sat across the table from me.

I grimaced. "I helped sew up a kid who fell off a bicycle and needed stitches, mopped up vomit and blood, started three IV's, and did two surgical workups. How's yours been?"

He laughed. "Not quite as exciting as yours. I prevented a vending machine from falling over onto a kid. He got mad because it took his money and didn't give him a candy bar and tried to push it over."

"I'm glad I don't have your job."

"And I'm glad I don't have yours." We both laughed.

"So, tell me about your children." He was serious again.

I brightened. "They're great kids. Sage is four, and Meadow just turned one. Sage just started four-year-old kindergarten. He likes it so far. Meadow just learned to walk not too long ago."

"And what about their father?"

"His name was Jeff. He was killed in a car crash not quite a year ago." I remembered it as if it were yesterday. Jeff had been drinking, and I could tell that he was in no shape to drive. I'd begged him not to go, but he'd angrily pushed me away and told me to leave him alone. The police had shown up with their sirens flashing only about a half hour later or so. Jeff had hit a telephone pole going about eighty miles an hour and had been thrown through the windshield.

They'd asked me to come to the morgue and identify the body. Jeff's face had been so mutilated that it had barely been recognizable, and there had been blood and pieces of glass sticking out everywhere. It was the worst thing I'd ever seen, and it had given me nightmares for months.

"I'm so sorry," said Mischa.

"What about you?" I asked him. "Have you ever been married?"

He shook his head. "I came close, once," he told me. "Her name was Evgenia. I met her in the grocery store one day, and it was love at first sight, just like it was for you and me. The line was even longer than usual that day, and by the time we got to the front, I felt as if I'd known her all my life. I asked her to marry me only a few weeks later, but on the day we were supposed to be married, she never showed up at the courthouse. Later, I'd found out that she'd eloped with my friend, Sidor. That was when I started thinking about coming back to America. I thought that perhaps it would help me to put my grief behind me, and I also thought that maybe, just maybe, I'd even see you again. I never forgot you, Tracy."

"I never forgot you, either." By then my lunch break was up, so I had to go back to work. The time we'd spent talking together had seemed much too short.

✽✽✽

After that, I began to see Mischa around the hospital frequently. We made plans to get together and take the kids to the zoo on the next day we both had off together.

The night before we planned to go out together, Meadow developed a slight cough. I gave her Tylenol and cough syrup, and her coughing eased, but the following morning, I noticed that her skin was warm to the touch. With a sinking feeling, I realized that I was probably going to have to cancel out on the trip to the zoo and take her to the pediatrician, Dr. Tanner.

I was still agonizing over what to do when Mischa arrived, dressed smartly in jeans and a light blue polo shirt that just matched his eyes. "Sorry I'm a bit early," he said sheepishly, noticing the cereal bowls still sitting on the table. "I suppose I was a bit eager."

"Who are you?" Sage demanded.

"Mischa," Mischa told him.

"I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to have to change our plans," I told Mischa. "Meadow seems to be coming down with something."

His smile evaporated, to be replaced with a look of concern.

"Poor baby," he said. "Well, that's all right. We'll just have to do it another day, then." It broke my heart to see how disappointed he looked, and I felt sad about losing a chance to spend time with him.

"You don't have to leave right away," I told him. "It might be a couple of hours before I can get her in."

As it turned out, Dr. Tanner's nurse said that he could see Meadow right away, so I told Mischa that I had to get both kids ready and leave. "Why don't we all go together?" he suggested.

"Oh, I couldn't ask you to spend your entire day off sitting in a waiting room!" I exclaimed.

He grinned. "You're not asking. I'm offering."

"I'm afraid it won't be nearly as much fun as the zoo would have been."

"It doesn't matter so much to me what we do, as long as we do it together," he replied.

"Well, in that case, how can I refuse?" I laughed, overjoyed that I'd get to spend the morning in his company, after all.

We had to take my car because the car seat was in it, and when we arrived, the waiting room was so crowded that poor Mischa had to stand. After awhile, it cleared out enough that he was able to sit down. In spite of what I'd been told over the telephone, we had to wait a couple of hours for Meadow to be seen. It turned out that she had bronchitis, so we had to stop by the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics for her on the way home.

"It sure would be a nice day to take the kids to the park," Mischa commented wistfully on the way home. "But I know that your little one doesn't feel well and you'd like to get home with her as quickly as possible."

We went through the McDonald's drive-through, and he bought meals for all of us. Then we went back to my apartment, where I gave Meadow her medicine and then put her down for a nap. Then the two of us ate and talked while Sage played with his toy trains.

"So, how's your brother?" Mischa asked me. He'd actually met my brother Adam before he'd met me. Adam and his friends had found Mischa washed up and stranded on the beach, where they'd befriended him and helped him to find his comrades.

"He's doing all right," I told him. "He graduated high school five years ago. He works in a supermarket now. I can't wait to tell him you're back. He'll be so excited!"

I'd actually had a very selfish reason for putting off telling Adam that I'd found Mischa again. I'd simply wanted to keep him all to myself for a little while before sharing him with anyone else, even my family members.

Mischa ended up staying for most of the day. I cooked dinner for him, and he stayed and talked some more for a long time after that, until it was time for me to get the children ready for bed.

"Well, I'm awfully sorry the trip to the zoo didn't work out," I told him as I walked him to the door.

"That's all right," he told me. "The zoo will always be there. We can go anytime."

"Thanks for being such a good sport about it," I said.

"Hey, no problem at all!" he replied.

The next time we both had the day off, it was raining cats and dogs. I stood at the window for the longest wondering whether he'd even show up at all, until he appeared in a rain slicker underneath which he carried two videos, 'Aladdin' and a nature thing with bears and foxes. When the rain finally stopped, he took Sage outside to look for tree frogs.

"You're so good with him!" I exclaimed when they came back inside later with their three croaking prizes in a plastic shoebox with holes for air poked in the top.

"I've always loved children," he told me. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to have any of my own."

"But why?"

He made a face. "Ice hockey injury. I got hit right in the...well, you know." He blushed.

"That sure must have hurt like hell."

"I thought I was going to die."

"And you never got checked afterwards to see if there was any permanent damage?"

He grimaced. "Well, it would have been kind of...embarrassing, you know? To ask a doctor to check you in that particular place...I suppose I was kind of afraid of what I might find out anyway...but I really do want to be a father some day, very badly."

"Well, I hope that you can become one some day," I said softly, suddenly feeling very sorry for him.

"I hope so too," he said. "You know what? I'd love to take you out for a nice dinner somewhere romantic, just the two of us. Do you realize that we haven't even been out on a proper date yet?"

"I know, and I'm sorry..."

"Hey, nothing to be sorry for. I've really enjoyed every minute I've spent with you and your kids, but do you think you could get a babysitter every now and then?"

"Well, of course! That wouldn't be a problem at all!"

"Great! See you later, then!"

I watched him go, thinking about how lucky I'd been to find a man like him.

Chapter 2

I

had to go back to work the following day. As it was a gorgeous day with a brightly shining sun and blue skies, I decided to eat lunch outside rather than in the hospital cafeteria. I was pleasantly surprised to be joined by Mischa several minutes later.

"So tell me about yourself," I said to him. "You know a lot more about me than I know about you."

"Well, I was born in Moscow," he began. "My father's name is Ivan and my mother's name is Alena. I have an older sister named Karolina and two younger sisters named Sonja and Viktoria. I joined the Russian navy right after school. After that, I was with the police force for a few years, and then when I immigrated to the United States, I became a security guard. That's what I've done since then."

"So you're the only boy in your family."

"Yes, I'm definitely in the minority." He laughed.

"Did you like that?"

"Being the only boy? It was all right, I suppose. I never really thought about it."

"I didn't like being the only girl. I always wished I had a sister."

"You can borrow one of mine anytime you like." We both laughed.

"So your little brother works in a supermarket now?"

"Yes. As a matter of fact, I have to do some shopping there after work today anyway. Want to go with me?"

He grinned. "Sure!"

He never met me after work that day as we'd planned. I waited thirty minutes for him, then went shopping and then home alone, apologizing to the babysitter for my lateness.

I didn't see Mischa around the hospital at all for a long time after that, not even in the cafeteria. Once I saw him briefly at the end of a hallway and, desperate to talk to him, hurriedly pushed my way through until I was within hearing range. "Mischa!"

He glanced up, seeming surprised to see me. "Tracy?"

"Where have you been?" I asked him. "I haven't talked to you in ages!"

"Uh...sorry, but I can't talk right now. I'm really in a hurry." He looked flustered. Crestfallen, I watched him hurry away.

What did I do? I asked myself for the rest of that day. He'd seemed so happy to see me again, and we'd had so much fun together, and now he acted as if he didn't even want to talk to me...

Between my job and caring for Sage and Meadow, I didn't have much time to dwell on the matter, but there was an emptiness in my heart, a hole where a presence had once existed but was now gone.

Until the night my world came crashing down.

✽✽✽

The evening started out pleasantly enough. My best friend, Lisa, knew how depressed I'd been about Mischa and had taken me on a girl's night out to cheer me up. We'd hit the mall and done some shopping, then went to a movie and then a dance club.

As we sat sipping our drinks and talking together, this cute guy asked Lisa to dance, and while watching the two of them on the floor, I saw something that completely shattered me.

Mischa was dancing with a co-worker of mine, Tina. They held one another closely, and she moved her body seductively against his. They gazed lovingly into one another's eyes as they kissed.

Desperately I wanted nothing more than to be away from there. As soon as Lisa finished dancing with the cute guy, I picked up my purse and headed for the door. "I'm getting out of here right now," I muttered. She hurried after me.

"Hey!" she protested as soon as we were outside in the cool night air. "I was just getting to know that guy! I think he was about to ask for my phone number!"

"Didn't you see them dancing together?" I asked.

"Who?"

"Mischa and Tina, that's who!"

"No! Were they really?" she gasped. "Oh, Tracy, I'm so sorry!"

I went home and cried myself to sleep that night.

✽✽✽

Determined to confront Mischa, I patiently waited for a chance to talk to him alone. I got it several days later, when I saw him entering the same hallway as before from the parking lot and cornered him. "We need to talk."

His eyes darted back and forth like those of a trapped animal.

"I saw you with Tina at the club last Saturday night."

"Yes."

"Well?"

He sighed. "Things were just moving too fast between us, Tracy. I'm not ready for the kind of relationship you want. To step into the role of substitute father just isn't for me, at least not right now. I want to have fun and not have to worry about canceled dates and being home in time for the babysitter."

"But you said you loved kids!" I was near tears.

"I'm sorry, Tracy." He walked away and left me standing there alone. Tina was waiting for him, and he smiled as he took her hand and they walked away together.

✽✽✽

Numbly, I finished my duties for the day and then went back home to Sage and Meadow. I felt like a part of me had died. What we'd had together had seemed so natural, so right. How in the world had it gone wrong? Was it something I had or hadn't done?

"Why do you look so sad, Mommy?" Sage asked me that evening.

"I just feel a bit down because Mischa isn't going to be coming to visit us anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because he found another lady that he likes better than me."

"Then he's stupid!" Sage exclaimed. "You're the bestest lady in the whole wide world, Mommy!"

"Thank you, sweetie." Touched, I took him into my arms and held him tight.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

For days afterward, I did my best to avoid running into Mischa. I took different routes in and out of the hospital and tried to stay away from the places where I knew he liked to hang out. For several weeks I was lucky. Then came the night everything changed.

I was working in the emergency room when several paramedics burst in with a stretcher. "A security guard was beaten and knifed in the parking lot!" one of them shouted.

As the stretcher whizzed past, I was able to see the victim's face and, to my utter shock, saw that he was Mischa. His face was as white as a sheet, and his eyes were closed. Right away several of my co-workers began working on him, hooking him up to IV's and various machines.

Irresistibly, my eyes were drawn to the stack of bloody clothing that had been hurriedly cut from Mischa's body. I noticed that his pants were on top. Seemingly of their own accord, my legs made their way over to the pile, and I reached for the pants.

In one pocket I found his wallet, which contained several dollar bills, some change, and his driver's license, on which I saw his real name, Mikhail Ivanovich Pushkin. The wallet also contained a couple of condoms still in their wrappers and an empty condom wrapper. He's sleeping with her. The realization cut like a knife as involuntary tears sprang to my eyes. He'd never even so much as made a pass at me.

Hurriedly I stuffed everything back into the wallet and the wallet back into Mischa's pants pocket. I suddenly felt as if I were suffocating. Desperate for fresh air, I raced for the emergency room exit and dashed out into the cool night air, which I greedily inhaled in grateful gulps.

Who on earth would do a thing like that to a nice guy like Mischa? I asked myself. Robbery obviously hadn't been the motive, as his wallet with the money in it had still been in his pocket. As it turned out, I didn't have to wait very long at all for the answer.

Rounding a corner, I saw a couple of fellow nurses standing underneath a tree smoking cigarettes. One was Tina, and the other was a woman named Debbie. Pretending to be busy tying my shoe laces, I could hear every word they said.

"I never dreamed he'd do a thing like this!" Tina exclaimed. "I never would have messed with Mischa if I had!"

"Well, at least your little scheme worked!" Debbie chuckled. "It made him jealous, all right!"

"Don't laugh!" Tina was almost shouting. "What if Mischa dies?"

"Then it'll mean a murder rap," Debbie said uneasily. "I guess you'll just have to visit him in prison then, and hope it's one that provides conjugal rights."

"It better had!" Both women laughed.

Sick to my stomach, I made it to the nearest trash can just in time. I waited until my stomach settled and then returned to duty.

Mischa didn't regain consciousness for the rest of my shift. When it was over, I returned home with very mixed feelings about what had just happened. As cruel as it might have seemed, a part of me felt glad that Tina had been just using Mischa. I am only human, after all. Another part of me worried that Mischa might not make it. If he did, I didn't know what I should do. Should I just ignore him, pretend that he didn't exist, try to find someone else to fall for? No, I didn't think I could do that. Yet hadn't he made it clear that it was over between the two of us? How could what had happened with Tina change that?

Exhausted, I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I forgot to set the alarm, and so Sage was late for kindergarten the next morning. I had to drive him there myself and sign him in. Then I took Meadow to the park for a couple of hours, went to McDonald's for lunch, and then went back home to take a nap.

The sitter arrived at two thirty, and I left for the hospital, wondering what condition I'd find Mischa in when I got there.

Chapter 3

I

arrived at the hospital to find that Mischa's condition hadn't changed. All his vital signs were stable, but he was still unconscious. I gazed at him lying there so still, hooked up to all those machines. Would he ever laugh or smile again? If he did ever regain consciousness, would he even remember who he was, who the people around him were? The thought of the man I'd once dreamed of sharing my life with lying in bed a vegetable was simply too much for me to take.

I was eating lunch outside when I saw Tina walking past and suddenly felt furious. The man whom I'd found myself falling in love with could be brain damaged for life, and it had all been for the sake of a childish game of trying to make her real boyfriend jealous. I was so angry I could barely see as I ran to her and yanked her hair so hard that I pulled her onto the ground.

"Hey!" she protested. "What did I ever do to you?"

"If Mischa Pushkin dies, it will all be your fault!" I shouted as I pummeled her over and over again. "It will be just as if you'd killed him yourself!"

"I had nothing whatsoever to do with what happened to Mischa Pushkin, you crazy bitch!" she shrieked.

"Liar!" I screamed, scratching her face, trying to claw her eyes. "I heard what you told Debbie!"

"Hey!" A couple of security guards came over to us and separated us.

Even after I explained to the hospital administrators what I knew about what Tina had done to Mischa, I still ended up suspended from work for a week...without pay.

Wondering how on earth I'd get the bills paid and buy groceries now, I drove back home to my children. I sent Penny home. Meadow was taking a nap, so I had some time to think for awhile before Sage got home from kindergarten.

Although Tina had clearly deserved it, and worse, I had to admit that my actions had been impulsive and childish. I'd let my feelings for Mischa momentarily derail my common sense. I'd never before been in the slightest bit of trouble at work, not even a reprimand, and here I'd gone and risked losing my job over a man who probably didn't even deserve it, considering how he'd treated me.

Meadow had awakened, and her soft babbling roused me out of my pool of remorse and self-blame. "Mama!" she cried happily when she saw me.

"Hey, sweetie!" I greeted her, lifting her from her crib and giving her a soft kiss on the cheek.

It was almost time to pick Sage up from the bus stop, so I changed Meadow's diaper and put her in her car seat and drove to the end of the street. A few minutes later, a small bus pulled up and opened its door, and Sage stepped down holding a giant letter 'E' cut from red construction paper.

"Mommy, you're home!" he cried happily when he saw me.

"That's right!" I said with a smile. "I have a vacation from the hospital, so I get to spend more time with you and your sister this week."

"Hurray!" he exclaimed. "We learned about the letter 'E' today, Mommy."

"That's nice," I mumbled.

"Elephant, elephant," he sang all the way home.

Despite my distress over the loss of income and my concern over Mischa, I managed to enjoy a relaxing evening with my children. We watched Sesame Street and Barnie together, and I made meatloaf and macaroni and cheese for dinner. Then I gave them their baths, read them bedtime stories, and tucked them into bed. Watching television alone later, I was left to wonder what on earth I was going to do with myself for a week.

✽✽✽

Upon my return to work a week later, the first thing I did was to inquire about Mischa. I was told that he'd regained consciousness and been moved to a private room.

I debated whether or not to visit him for only a moment. Curiosity over what condition I'd find him in quickly overcame my hesitation. My heart was pounding as I slowly opened the door to his hospital room to find him awake and sitting up in bed, watching television.

As soon as he saw me, his face turned bright crimson and he looked down. "Hello, Tracy," he mumbled.

Awkwardly I sat down in a chair beside his bed. "I'm so sorry about what happened to you." I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"It wasn't your fault," he muttered. "It was mine. I've been sitting here wondering to myself how in the world I could have been so stupid."

"So you know." I was immensely relieved that I wouldn't have to be the one to tell him.

"Yeah," he said softly. "They caught the guy. I'm probably gonna have to testify at his trial, even though I can't remember a thing. One minute I was just standing there minding my own business, and the next I was waking up here with one hell of a headache."

"What about Tina?"

He sighed heavily. "They told me she quit." He sounded as if he were about to cry. "Are you all right, Tracy?"

"What do you mean, am I all right?" Suddenly I felt very angry at him. "First you string me along and then dump me for that slut, and then you nearly get yourself killed!" By now I was almost crying myself.

"I'm sorry, Tracy." His eyes didn't meet mine. "I never meant to hurt you. It's just that the whole substitute father thing started making me feel overwhelmed. Tina didn't have any responsibilities. With her, I could just have fun and not have to worry about anything. I never even realized how immature and selfish I was being. Can you ever forgive me?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "You hurt me pretty badly, Mischa."

"I know I did, and I'm really sorry!" In his eyes I could see the agony he felt, but I wasn't quite ready to let him off the hook. Not just yet, at least.

"Perhaps we could be friends," I suggested. "We did kind of rush into things, didn't we?"

"I'd be more than happy to be friends with you, Tracy," he told me. "How are the kids?"

"They're all right. Sage is doing good in school. Meadow's growing fast."

"They're great kids, Trace. You're lucky to have them, and they're lucky to have you for a Mom."

"So how much longer do you have to stay here?" I asked.

"Not much longer, hopefully." He smiled for the first time since I'd entered his room. "They just have to make sure all the wounds are healed and there's no permanent damage."

"I'm really glad you're OK now, Mischa," I said softly. "It scared me to death when they brought you in here. I was so afraid...so afraid you wouldn't make it. And then when I found out what Tina had done, it just made me sick to my stomach!"

"Well, I guess I sure learned my lesson there." He chuckled ruefully.

I thought about the condoms I'd found in his pants pocket and suddenly imagined him making love with Tina, their bodies entwined in the act of copulation, the ecstasy on their faces. Suddenly I wondered what kind of lover Mischa was. I hadn't been with a man since Jeff had died. I missed having a sex life, but I wasn't the kind of woman to just have sex for its own sake. I was willing to wait until I felt a special connection with a man first, and I was disappointed that Mischa apparently didn't share my values.

"Yes, I slept with her," he told me, as if he could read my mind. "But it wasn't my idea. She came onto me hard and strong, even did a strip tease right in front of me where she took everything off. A man can only take so much, you know."

I stared coldly at the wall, not saying a word.

"If it makes you feel any better, I didn't enjoy it at all," he continued. "It just felt so...unnatural, forced, as if it was something I had to do to make her happy. Not at all like I imagine it would be with you."

"My, aren't we getting presumptuous," I said sarcastically.

"You're right, Tracy. I'm sorry. I had no right to say that."

"And I'm sorry I snapped at you," I said. "I didn't mean to sound so defensive."

"You have every right to be defensive," he replied. "You've just been hurt."

"Yeah," I said softly. We just sat there awkwardly for a few minutes, neither of us sure what to say next.

Mischa finally broke the silence. "Friends?" He smiled that charming smile of his and extended his hand.

"Friends." I knew I never could have stayed mad at him for very long.

✽✽✽

I visited him a couple more times after that. Both visits were brief but friendly, as we each stuck to non-serious topics. Then one day I went to his room and found that it was empty. The nurse on duty told me he'd gone home that morning.

Shortly afterward, he returned to his security guard position. I saw him frequently as I was entering or leaving the hospital, and he would always smile and nod in a friendly way. I saw him in the cafeteria a few times as well, but we never sat together. Once he looked at me for kind of a long time, as if he were longing to sit beside me but wasn't sure if it would be appropriate, then shook his head sadly and moved on. I almost felt sorry for him.

Soon it was time for Sage's kindergarten open house. I took off work and went with Sage and Meadow. It was a crisp fall evening, and the leaves were just beginning to turn red and yellow. I parked in the school parking lot, took Meadow's stroller out of the trunk, and strapped her into it. Then I walked with both kids to Sage's classroom.

Several of Sage's classmates with their parents were milling around in the classroom when I got there. Sage's teacher, Mrs. Edwards, smiled and said hello to us. She was a kindly middle-aged woman with short salt-and-pepper hair. She had grey eyes and wore spectacles and was dressed in red slacks and a red-and-yellow striped shirt.

"Your little sister is so precious!" she said to Sage. "What's her name?"

"Meadow," Sage told her.

"Oh, that's a lovely name!" she exclaimed. "Hi, Meadow!"

Meadow smiled at her but didn't say anything. "She's a little shy," I explained.

All along the wall, the children's artwork was on display. I looked over all the crayon-drawn depictions of the little old lady who lived in a shoe until I came to Sage's. He'd outlined the shoe in black and, rather than drawing stick figures as some of the other children had done, he'd given the woman and her half dozen or so children actual arms, legs, hair, and faces.

"Sage is doing extraordinarily well," Mrs. Edwards told me. "He can say all his ABC's and count to twenty, and he's also showing talent in both art and music. It's just a little hard to get him to settle down at nap time sometimes, and he also has a little trouble remembering to use his 'indoor voice' when he should, but we're working on that, aren't we, Sage?"

I was surprised to see that my friend Robin from high school was there with her husband and daughter. I hadn't seen her in several years.

"Tracy!" she called to me.

"Hi, Robin!" I said, giving her a quick hug. "I had no idea your little girl was in Sage's class!"

She laughed. "It's a small world, isn't it? This is my husband Brian and our daughter Camryn."

"This is Sage, and my daughter's name is Meadow," I told her.

"Your husband couldn't make it tonight?" she asked.

"I'm a widow," I told her.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" She looked terribly embarrassed.

"It's all right," I told her.

"So what do you do?" she asked me.

"I'm a nurse," I told her. "What do you do?"

"I'm a full time Mom for now," she told me. "But now that Camryn is in kindergarten, I'm trying to find something part time for in the mornings."

"Well, good luck," I told her. "If I hear of any openings at the hospital, I'll let you know."

"Thanks," she said.

I went home soon afterwards, idly wondering what it would be like to have the luxury of being a stay-at-home Mom.

✽✽✽

A delivery of flowers came for me the following day. Surprised but elated, I automatically assumed that they were from Mischa and couldn't wait to see him again so that I could thank him.

My chance came soon enough, as he was on duty the next time I went to work. "Mischa!" I called to him. "Thanks for the flowers!"

He looked baffled. "What flowers?"

"Didn't you have flowers delivered to me?"

"No." He grinned. "I wish it had been me, but it wasn't."

But if Mischa didn't send them, who did? I wondered. As it turned out, I didn't have to wonder for very long, as the next day I was headed for the lunchroom when I heard someone calling my name from behind. "Tracy!"

I turned to see Bruce, one of the orderlies, running up to me. He hadn't been working at the hospital for very long, and I'd seen him around a few times but didn't know him very well. He was short and kind of pudgy, with dark brown hair and eyes and a baby face. I didn't find him attractive at all.

"Did you like the flowers?" he asked hopefully.

I gasped, shocked. "You were the one who sent the flowers?"

He nodded with a happy grin. Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach.

"Well...they were very nice. Thanks," I said politely, hoping that would get rid of him.

No such luck. "Say, would you like to go out to dinner with me this Friday night?" he asked me.

"I can't. I'm sorry," I replied.

"Aw, why not?" he whined like a child.

"I have plans," I told him.

"Well, you don't know what you're missing," he said.

I put the incident out of my mind and continued on with my business, giving it no more thought. That Saturday, Lisa and I went on a shopping excursion to this large outdoor mall in a neighboring town that was an hour's drive or so away. It was made up of lots of outlet stores, where you could find name brand clothing and other merchandise at bargain prices. Lisa and I went about once every six months or so, and I almost always came back with lots of great deals.

"So how did it go with Chris last night?" I asked Lisa as we rode along. Chris was the name of the guy she'd met the night I'd seen Mischa dancing with Tina.

"It went great!" she told me. "He took me to dinner and a movie, and then we went dancing." Her voice lowered conspiratorially. "He put his tongue in my mouth when he kissed me goodnight. I almost invited him in. I think I'm gonna end up sleeping with him soon."

"Well, you be careful," I cautioned her.

"I will, but I don't think I have anything to worry about with Chris," she told me. "So, how's your love life been?"

"Oh, I've gotta tell you!" I began. "Somebody sent me flowers last week, and I was sure it would turn out to be Mischa, but it wasn't. Guess who it was!"

"Who?" Lisa's eyes grew round with curiosity.

"There's this guy named Bruce at the hospital. One of the orderlies. A total dweeb. Well, anyway, he asked me if I liked the flowers he sent. I couldn't believe it! I told him yes just to get rid of him, and he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with him this weekend."

"No! You're kidding! And what did you tell him?"

"I told him I had a date."

"And did you?"

"Yeah, with this book I've been wanting to read for ages. I'd rather stay home and do something on my own than go anywhere with him." We both burst out laughing.

Soon we arrived at the mall. I hit all my favorite stores: the women's and children's clothing stores, the stationery store, the toy store, the sock store, two book stores, and the party supply store. For lunch Lisa and I went to the fast food restaurant next door rather than eating at the overpriced food court at the mall.

Overall, my shopping trip was successful. I bought three new shirts and two pairs of pants for myself, four new outfits for Sage, five for Meadow, nail polish, lip gloss, and ten pairs of earrings for ten dollars. In the CD store, I saw a copy of Tchaikovsky's 'Swan Lake' and, on impulse, bought it.

"I don't know what got into me," I said to Lisa on the way home. "I don't even like classical music."

"Maybe it reminded you of someone," Lisa teased me.

"Never!"

✽✽✽

One day the following week, I had to run an errand to the basement. I always hated going down there because it was dimly lit and deserted and kind of creepy, especially since I had to walk right past the morgue. Hoping to get the chore over with as quickly as possible, I was hurrying down the hallway when I felt someone grab me and pull me back. The next moment I realized that, to my horror, I was alone in the morgue except for a sheet-covered body...and Bruce, who held my arm in a vise like grip.

"If you scream, I'll break your arm," he warned me.

Scared out of my wits, I began to whimper.

"Don't worry." Bruce stuck his face into mine and I smelled the onions he'd eaten for lunch. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just gonna fuck you."

"The hell you will!" Swiftly I brought my knee up into his groin, and as he doubled over in agony, I pushed the gurney holding the body right into him. One arm fell to the side and dangled limply beneath the sheet covering it, but I didn't have time to scream. In a flash I was down the hall, up the stairs, and running the length of the hallway of the first floor, where I ran right smack into Mischa, who was walking in the opposite direction.

Chapter 4

“W

hoa! Tracy!" Mischa laughed as he grabbed both my arms and steadied me. "Are you all right?"

"Bruce...just tried...to rape...me..." I panted.

"He did? I'll kill him!" Mischa exclaimed. "Where is he?"

"Downstairs...in the morgue..."

"Calm down, Tracy. Calm down. You're safe now." As he embraced me and rubbed my back, I slowly felt myself begin to relax. After a few minutes, he led me to a small office and told me to sit down and rest. "Can I bring you a glass of water?" he asked.

"Please don't leave me!" I exclaimed. After what had just happened, I was terrified of being alone. What if Bruce somehow found me again?

"It's all right, Tracy," Mischa said soothingly, gently holding both my arms. "I'm not going to leave you, but we have to find out if Bruce is still inside the building so that he can be apprehended."

He called for a couple of his co-workers on his walky-talky thingy, and when they arrived, he sent them to the basement to find and apprehend Bruce, if he was still there. Then he had me fill out a form giving all my personal information and describing in detail what had happened.

In the meantime, my supervisor had found out about the incident and asked me if I wanted to take the rest of the day off. I was definitely too badly shaken to continue working my shift, so I took her up on the offer.

Somehow I made it home to my children. "Did you get in trouble, Mommy?" Sage asked me when he saw me.

"No," I told him.

"Then why did you come home early?"

"I...um...something really scary happened, and it made me so upset that I had to leave, but it's all over with now, and I'm fine. How was your day at kindergarten?"

"It was fun, Mommy! We learned about the letter 'U', and about how caterpillars turn into butterflies."

"That's nice."

I watched TV with the kids for a little while and then fixed dinner. I'd just put the last clean dish away when I heard the doorbell ring.

I knew it was going to be Mischa before I checked the peephole. I opened the door and told him to come in.

"Mischa! You came back!" Sage cried happily as he ran up to him.

"I had to," Mischa told him. "I missed you guys."

"Mischa! Mischa!" said Meadow.

"Hey there, princess!" Mischa picked her up and kissed her cheek, then set her back down.

"Hey." He gently touched my cheek. "Are you OK?"

"As well as can be expected, I guess. Did they ever find Bruce?"

Mischa shook his head. "We ended up having to call the police. If they find him, you may have to go down to the police department and give them a statement, like the one you gave me at the hospital." He shook his head. "I'm just so glad he didn't really hurt you, Tracy. If he had..."

"Who tried to hurt my Mommy?" Sage demanded.

"A bad man at the hospital," Mischa told him."But he's gone now. Your Mommy's safe."

Sage seemed satisfied with that answer.

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked Mischa.

"No, thank you," he told me. "I'm fine." He sat on the sofa holding Meadow, with Sage sitting beside him. I sat on his other side. Suddenly it felt just like it had the day it had rained and he'd caught the tree frogs for Sage.

"You know, we never did take that trip to the zoo like we planned," Mischa remarked.

"No, we didn't," I said, feeling a tiny stab of pain at the thought of why we hadn't.

"The next day we both have off," Mischa said to me with a smile. "And this time, it had better not get messed up. If you still want to go, that is," he added hopefully.

"Sounds like fun!" I agreed. I still felt a bit apprehensive about leaving the house, but I knew that if I didn't fight back against that feeling, I could be left permanently crippled emotionally.

✽✽✽

The police caught up with Bruce a couple of days later. He'd fled to a neighboring state. As Mischa had predicted, I did have to go down to the police station to make a statement. They asked me if I wanted to press charges, and I told them that I didn't. He hadn't really hurt me, and I couldn't bear the thought of having to face him in court.

I told Mischa of my decision when he called me that evening. Ever since Bruce had attacked me, he'd called me every day. Although I assured him over and over again that I was all right, he was still very protective of me. I didn't mind, as to me, it seemed a way of making up for what had happened with Tina.

"Are you sure you don't want to press charges against him, Trace?" he asked me now. "It might would prevent him from being able to do it to another woman."

"I know." I sighed. "I suppose I'm being selfish," I told him. "But I just can't stand the thought of having to face him in court."

"Oh, I don't blame you," Mischa said quickly. "If you don't want to face him in court, then you shouldn't have to. No reason to feel guilty about that."

"I just want to put the whole thing behind me," I sighed.

"You're a brave girl, Trace," he told me.

"I don't always feel that brave," I admitted. "Sometimes I feel really scared."

"Well, you know I'm always here for you," he assured me.

Later, after we'd said good-bye, I felt kind of disgusted at myself. Where had the tough-girl exterior I'd intended to present to Mischa from now on gone? I couldn't believe that I'd just admitted to him that I felt scared. What would he think of me now? Would he consider me to be a weak, helpless female who needed a big, strong man to take care of me? I felt angrier than ever at Bruce for what he'd done to me, for the side of myself I was showing to Mischa now.

✽✽✽

I was eating lunch in the cafeteria when Mischa stopped by my table. It was the first time he'd done that since the business with Tina. I'd seen him glance over at me longingly a few times over the past few weeks, as if he wanted to ask if he could sit beside me but was afraid I'd turn him down, but now he seemed to have finally gotten up the nerve.

"Is it OK if I sit here?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Sure," I said, making room for him.

"I've got tomorrow off," he told me. "How about you?"

"I'm off tomorrow too," I told him.

"Great! It's supposed to be nice and sunny, so I can finally take you and the kids to the zoo like we planned."

"They'll like that," I replied.

"And you?" He smiled hopefully.

I giggled. "I'll like it too."

Our luck held out, as the sun was shining brightly when I awakened the following morning. I woke the kids up early. "We need to get ready fast," I told them. "Mischa's taking us to the zoo today."

"Yippee!" Sage shouted, jumping up and down excitedly. "Hear that, Meadow? We're going to see the lions and tigers and bears!"

"Bears!" Meadow giggled.

I fed the three of us cereal and got the kids dressed, then got dressed myself and put on makeup. I was applying eyeliner when I heard the doorbell ring, and went to let a smiling Mischa in.

"Mischa!" Sage cried, running up to him.

"Hey there, little buddy!' Mischa exclaimed, scooping my son up and holding him.

"Have a seat," I told Mischa. "I'll only be a minute."

I went back into the bathroom to finish putting on my makeup, appraised myself in the mirror and decided that I looked acceptable, and went back to the living room to find Mischa holding both children and singing to them in Russian.

"Wow, Trace, you're gorgeous!" he said when he saw me.

"Thank you," I said with a smile.

"Shall we be off, then?" asked Mischa. I moved Meadow's car seat from my car to Mischa's, and we were on our way.

"What was that song you were singing to the kids?" I wanted to know.

"It's called 'The Little Grey Wolf'," Mischa told me. "My Babushka, my grandmother, used to sing it to me when I was little."

"Is your grandmother still alive?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "She lives with my parents in Moscow. Is yours?"

"No. One died when I was eighteen, and the other died when Sage was a baby."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"I was really close to my grandmother on my Mom's side," I told him. "She lived right around the corner from us the whole time I was growing up. I used to see her just about every day."

"It was the same way with my grandmother," Mischa told me.

Soon we were at the zoo. I took Meadow's stroller out of the trunk and put her in it. Mischa paid for admittance for all of us, and we went in.

We went to the monkey exhibit first. Sage imitated them, which caused Meadow to laugh hysterically. Next was the petting zoo, where chickens, pigs, sheep, and goats would walk right up to you. A sheep licked Meadow's face, which made me cringe but caused her to giggle. Sage asked for a quarter to buy dried corn to feed the animals, and Mischa gave it to him.

Next was the giraffe. It's neck was so long that there was a ladder which visitors could climb to pet it. Then there was the elephant, which Mischa rode with Sage while Meadow and I looked on.

After that we looked at the big cats in their cages, then went through the reptile exhibit, and then rode the train that went all the way around the zoo.

By then we were hungry, so we went to the food court. Mischa bought hamburgers and French fries for himself, me, and Sage, and I took Meadow's food out of the diaper bag for her. We were about halfway finished eating when Sage jumped out of his chair.

"Aunt Patty!" he shouted. I turned my head in the direction he was pointing to see Jeff's sister Patty, her husband Matt, and their children Rachel and Daniel sitting at a table on the other side of the little cafe. I groaned inwardly.

"It's Jeff's sister," I told Mischa in response to his questioning look.

By now Matt and Patty had seen us, so there was nothing else to do but to go over and say hello to them. "This is Mischa," I told my former sister-in-law and her husband.

"How do you do," Mischa said pleasantly.

Patty frowned. "What country are you from?"

"I'm originally from Russia, but I've been here in the United States for the past four years," Mischa told her.

"So you're a Communist?" Patty's voice showed her disapproval.

"I used to be."

"So what are you now?"

Mischa obviously didn't know what to say. I felt sorry for him.

"We don't get into politics," I said firmly. Mischa looked grateful.

In the meantime, Sage was having fun chatting with his cousins. Rachel was about five, and Daniel was about three.

"Mommy, can Sage and Meadow come over for a play date this evening? Please please please?" Rachel begged.

"Well, I don't see why not," Patty agreed.

"Hurray!" Rachel and Sage shouted together.

Mischa and I looked at one another and smiled. We both knew what this meant, that we'd have several hours on our own, without the kids. For all her faults, I knew Patty would take good care of Sage and Meadow, and I looked forward to my first real date with Mischa.

Chapter 5

F

or some unaccountable reason, I felt very nervous as I prepared for my first evening date with Mischa. I spent much longer than I usually did on my make-up and hair, wanting everything to be just right for him. Even so, I finished getting ready well before he arrived.

When I opened the door to him, I couldn't believe my eyes! I'd never seen him looking so gorgeous before. He wore dark blue slacks and a light blue shirt with a tie. He had on black patent leather shoes, and his hair was slicked back perfectly in place. He was wearing expensive cologne and carried a bouquet of flowers. I also noticed that his hands were shaking slightly.

"Tracy!" he exclaimed. "You're beautiful!"

"Thanks," I replied. "You look very nice as well."

"These are for you," he told me as he held out the flowers.

"Thank you," I said. "I'll get a vase for them."

Quickly I found the vase, and then we were off. He took me to this incredibly classy restaurant. The interior was dark, and there were candles on each table. A violinist played romantic music, and at several tables, nicely dressed couples chatted quietly over their food. Wow, this place looks really expensive, I said to myself.

Mischa led me to a cozy little table in the corner, and a waiter with a French accent came to take our order. Mischa ordered for both of us, as I had no idea how to pronounce most of the items on the menu.

After the waiter had gone, Mischa reached across the table and took my hand. "You can't begin to imagine how long I've wanted to take you out like this," he said. "After the stupid thing I did with Tina, I was so afraid I'd blown my chances for good."

"I knew I couldn't let you languish in the friend zone forever," I told him. We both laughed.

"The waiter won't be back for awhile," Mischa told me. "Would you like to dance?"

Several other couples were already on the floor. "Sure," I said.

He took my hand and led me onto the floor. Standing so close to him, with his arms around me, I felt a warm glow of desire begin to stir inside me. I wondered whether Mischa could feel it too. I rested my head on his shoulder as we moved in time to the music. One of his hands came up to gently massage my back. I felt weak in the knees because it felt so nice.

"My sweet Tracy," he murmured.

We'd been dancing for maybe half an hour or so when the waiter brought our food and we sat down to eat. Whatever I was eating, it was delicious. When we were finished, Mischa asked me if I wanted dessert, and I said yes.

Dessert was sweet little biscuits topped with berries and whipped cream. It tasted better than strawberry shortcake, which I absolutely love. Mischa held my hand as we walked back outside into the cool air after we'd finished eating. It was a clear night, and you could see the moon and all the stars in perfect detail.

"Did you enjoy that?" Mischa asked me as we made our way back to the car.

"Very much," I told him. "Thank you for taking me out."

Mischa grinned. "Hey, thanks for going out with me!"

I should have known that I was having too good a time for it to last, and sure enough, when I arrived home, I found an urgent message from Patty. "We had to rush Sage to the hospital. He started running a high fever and complaining with an earache. We need you to come to the hospital as quickly as possible. They won't treat Sage without your permission."

"Oh, my baby!" I cried.

"I'll take you to the hospital," Mischa offered. "As upset as you are, you're in no condition to drive right now."

I nodded gratefully and followed him back out to his car. We practically flew to the hospital, and Mischa dropped me off at the emergency room entrance before going to search for a parking spot.

I dashed inside to find Matt and Patty standing beside the triage station. Patty was holding Sage, whose eyes were closed.

"My baby!" I cried, reaching for him.

"Mommy," he mumbled as he held his hands out to me.

"He's burning up!" I gasped, shocked by how hot he felt to the touch.

"Where's Meadow?" I demanded.

"With Mom," Patty told me.

Within moments an emergency room physician was there, pushing papers in front of me for me to sign, and then they took Sage back into an examination room. Mischa and I followed.

✽✽✽

"Mommy, it hurts!" Sage wailed, tugging at his ear.

"I know it does, baby," I said. "But it's gonna be all right."

A few minutes later, a nurse appeared and took Sage's temperature. "A hundred and two," she announced.

"Poor baby!" I exclaimed. "No wonder you feel so bad!"

The nurse finished checking Sage's vitals. "The doctor will be with you shortly," she told us.

It was a very long time before the physician finally arrived. Sage drifted into a fitful sleep, the pain awakening him every so often. As desperately as I tried to stay awake, I found myself nodding off after awhile. Mischa put his arms around me and let me rest my head on his shoulder.

At last the physician arrived and examined my son. "He has a raging ear infection," he announced. "He must be started on antibiotics right away, and I'm also going to give you a prescription for pain relief."

It was in the early morning hours when we finally left the hospital. Mischa drove us home.

"Thank you so much for driving me to the hospital, and for staying with us," I told him.

"It was no problem at all," he replied. "I was happy to help."

"I'm sorry our first date had to end this way," I said.

"That's all right. There will be other dates. Are you going to be all right?"

"We'll be fine," I assured him. I watched as he walked back out to his car, feeling a bit sad to see him go. Then I got Sage settled and, exhausted, went to bed myself.

The following morning, I called the hospital and told them I wouldn't be coming in that day, then called Jeff's mother and told her about Sage. She offered to keep Meadow for as long as I needed her to. I thanked her, checked on Sage, and then went back to bed.

✽✽✽

After several days on the antibiotic, Sage was feeling much better, and I returned to work. At lunchtime, Mischa hesitated only a moment before sitting across from me. "How's Sage?" he asked.

"He's fine. They both are."

"I've got a great idea for our next date," he told me.

"Really? What?'

"Not gonna tell." He grinned and winked at me. "It's a surprise, but it's nothing you'd have to get all dressed up for."

Our next mutual day off was not too long after that. Having no idea how long we'd be out, I arranged for an overnight babysitter.

Mischa was wearing jeans, a polo shirt, and sneakers when he came to pick me up. I was so glad I'd decided to wear flats instead of heels.

For dinner he took me out for chili cheese fries and milkshakes, but he told me that wasn't the surprise. After dinner, he drove me to the goofy golf course.

"So this is the surprise?" I asked.

"I hope you're not disappointed," he said. "I just wanted to do something different for a change."

"I think it's neat!" I exclaimed. "I haven't played goofy golf since I was a teenager!"

"Great!" He grinned. "It's about time, then."

I had a blast over the next couple of hours. Mischa won, but only by a couple of points.

"Congratulations," I told him as we left. "You played really well."

"So did you," he told me. "I'm so glad we came. You know, I never could do this type of thing with Tina. All she ever wanted to do was hang out at bars."

When he took me home, I invited him in for a few minutes. He saw my CD player with my Tchaikovsky CD sitting on top of it. "Hey!" he exclaimed happily as he picked it up. "I didn't know you liked Tchaikovsky!"

"Swan Lake's pretty cool," I told him. "We went on a field trip to see a performance of it in fifth grade."

"My great grandmother saw the Tsar's former mistress perform in it a few years before the Revolution," he told me.

I slipped the CD in and then went into the kitchen and got a couple of bottles of wine for us. As we sat together on the sofa drinking our wine and listening to the music, he kissed me.

At first it was gentle, tentative, almost as if he wasn't sure whether or not he should proceed. When I responded enthusiastically, it became more fervent, and I felt his tongue slip into my mouth. My heart began to pound madly as, encouraged, my hand began to slip from his knee slowly up his thigh. Right before it reached his crotch, I felt him gently take it into his own.

"No, Tracy," he said softly. "It's...it's just too soon. I'd like to get to know you a bit better first."

"But why?" I could feel tears of disappointment stinging my eyes.

"I made a mistake once. I don't want to make it again."

Suddenly I realized why he was afraid and felt slightly guilty. "I'm not Tina, Mischa."

"I know you're not." He smiled. "You're such a special woman, Tracy, and I want everything between us to happen at just the right time, not before."

"I feel the same way," I said. "I'm sorry if I was too forward."

"Not at all!" he said with a smile. "Take care, Tracy, and I'll see you again real soon." He kissed me again, a soft, tender kiss this time, and then he was gone.

Even though I understood the logic behind his words, I couldn't help but feel a little bit disappointed as I went to bed that night. Did he really find me attractive? Was I really capable of turning him on? Although I told myself that I was being silly, I couldn't help but feel just a tad insecure.

The next day I was eating lunch when Mischa slid into the seat across from me, this time with no hesitation at all. "Hey, Trace!" He was all smiles.

"Hi," I said.

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed our date last night." He took my hand and gazed into my eyes.

"Well, at least it ended a lot better than the previous one did," I noted wryly.

"Yeah. I'm so glad Sage is all right now," he replied. "And I'd love to go out with you again soon. Not necessarily for goofy golf, but...well, you know what I mean."

"I'd like that too," I told him.

Chapter 6

I

'd told my parents that I was back in touch with Mischa, but so far they hadn't really said too much about it. I suppose too many other things had just come up too quickly, but one day my Mom called me out of the blue about it.

"Do you think Mischa would like to have dinner with us?" she asked. "I don't know if I can get a hold of any caviar, but I can make stroganoff, and your Dad has some Smirnoff. I'm not sure if that's really the authentic stuff or not but maybe it'll do. Adam would love to see him again after all these years."

"I'm sure Mischa would love to see him again as well," I replied. "I'll ask him next chance I get."

Mischa was on duty the next time I went to work. "My Mom wants to know if you'd like to come over for dinner," I told him. "She said Adam would love to see you again."

"Sure, that would be great!"

On the appointed evening, he arrived at my home dressed very nicely. I noticed that his hands were shaking slightly with nervousness.

"We're going to see my Grandma and Grandpa," Sage told him.

"I know," Mischa replied. "It'll be nice to see them again."

"You mean you've seen them before?" Sage's eyes grew round with surprise.

"It was a long time ago, before you and your sister were born," Mischa told him. "I came to your country by accident. I was lost, and your Grandma and Grandpa made friends with me and helped me to get back home. Many years later, I was able to come back, and here I am!"

"Where did you used to live?" asked Sage.

"My country is called Russia, and it's a long, long way from here," Mischa told him. "All the way across the ocean. It's very different from your country. It gets a lot colder there. It snows a lot, and there are forests with bears. The men wear tall fur hats, and the women wear colorful dresses and scarves. There's balalaika music, and fish and cabbage soup and borsch."

"What's borch?" asked Sage, mispronouncing the word slightly.

"It's soup made out of beets. Have you ever had them?"

Sage shook his head.

"They're vegetables kind of like radishes, except that they're very dark red, almost purple. But I think your Mom's about ready to leave now. We'll talk some more when we get to your Grandma's, OK?"

"OK!" Sage said happily.

We got to my parents' house a few minutes later. Right away we were greeted with the delicious aroma of my Mom's cooking. Dad and Adam were sitting on the sofa talking. Adam's face brightened as soon as he saw Mischa.

"Mischa!" he exclaimed.

"Adam! Is it really you?" Mischa sounded amazed. "You've really grown up!"

I was really touched to see how warmly they embraced. I hadn't realized until then how big an impression Mischa had really left on my brother.

"Mischa's from Russia. They eat beets there," Sage informed my family. Everyone laughed.

"I know it isn't like your mother's stroganoff, but it's the best I could do," my Mom said apologetically to Mischa as she brought the food to the table.

"I'm sure it will be delicious," Mischa said politely.

To my Mom's relief, Mischa did really seem to enjoy her stroganoff, finishing off two servings and most of a third. My Mom had made her specialty, red velvet cake, for dessert, but we were all too full to eat very much of it.

Mischa spent most of the visit in animated discussion with Adam, catching up on all that had happened in the ten years that had passed since they'd last seen one another. We ended up staying quite late. Meadow fell asleep in my Mom's lap, and Sage was nodding off in my Dad's, by the time we finally left.

As soon as I got home, I put the kids to bed, then said good-bye to Mischa. "I would invite you to stay for a drink or two, but it's so late..." I yawned.

"That's all right," he replied. "Thank you for this evening, Tracy. I really enjoyed seeing your parents and Adam again and having the chance to spend time with them."

He gave me a big hug, and I rested my head on his shoulder, wishing I could go to sleep there. He rubbed my back gently and kissed first my forehead, then my lips.

"Good-night, Tracy," he said softly. "Sweet dreams." Obviously reluctant to leave, he kissed my lips once again and squeezed my hand before walking away.

✽✽✽

For the rest of that week, Mischa and I were together at work as much as we possibly could be, taking care to keep physical contact to a minimum, as romantic relationships between co-workers were discouraged at the hospital. Even though so much time had passed, to me it began to feel just like he'd never gone away at all, as if the time we shared together now was an unbroken continuation from the time we'd first met.

I mentioned this to Mischa and asked if it felt the same way to him.

"Not when I look at Adam and see how much he's grown," he chuckled.

The night before Halloween, the hospital had a hayride through a 'haunted forest', which was really, of course, the parking lot and the woods behind it decorated with scary scenes and employees dressed up as ghosts, witches, zombies, characters from horror movies, etc. I told Mischa I was planning to take the kids and asked if he'd like to come along. He eagerly agreed.

As soon as we'd climbed into the back of the wagon, a man dressed as a mummy pretended to try to jump on right after us. Meadow startled and looked as if she might cry, and I had second thoughts about whether I should have brought her along, after all. Sage was fine. He pretended to be a pirate threatening to stab the 'mummy' with a sword.

After that, it wasn't too bad at first. We rode past a vampire rising from a coffin and a scene from the movie 'Poltergeist.' Then a man dressed as a werewolf let out an ear-splitting howl inches from the wagon. Meadow began to cry, and even Sage turned pale.

I held Meadow and tried to comfort her, but she still sobbed. "I wanna go home!" Sage whined.

"I'll bet you've never heard the story of the 'Golden Slipper', have you?" Mischa asked.

"No, what's that?" Sage had instantly forgotten the howling werewolf.

"Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived a young girl on a farm in St. Petersburg," Mischa began. "One day, her father brought her a fish from the market. Instead of eating the fish right away, as her older sister had done, the girl felt sorry for it and put it into the water so that it could live."

"One day the girl's mother dressed her older sister up and took her to the palace, leaving the young girl at home to do all the work. The girl sat beside the water crying because she wanted to go, too. Her friend the fish saw her crying and gave her some nice clothes so that she could go to the palace, too. While she was there, the Tsar's son, the Tsarevich, saw her and fell in love with her, but she had to leave in a hurry and lost one of her golden slippers. The Tsarevich searched the entire countryside for the girl whose foot fit the golden slipper. At last he came to our young girl. The slipper fit her foot perfectly, and the two of them were married and lived happily ever after."

By now both children were mesmerized. "What a cool story!" I exclaimed. "It sounded an awful lot like Cinderella, but it was still pretty good."

"My mother used to tell it to my sisters and me when we were little," Mischa told me.

The following night, my Mom watched Meadow while I took Sage trick-or-treating at the mall. It was very crowded, and at one point, I overheard the voices of two women standing behind me who were talking rather loudly. One was complaining of early pregnancy symptoms.

"This was the third morning in a row I threw up as soon as I got out of bed," she complained. "Does it never end?"

I turned to look and, to my utter shock, saw that the two women were Tina and her friend Debbie. They were accompanied by a little girl who must have been Debbie's daughter. Tina was the one who'd spoken.

I felt as if all the air had just been knocked out of me. So Tina was pregnant, possibly by Mischa. Did he know? If not, was she planning to tell him? If she did, what would he do?

Somehow I made it through the rest of trick-or-treating. Sage, oblivious to how troubled I now was, chattered excitedly all the way back to the car and to my Mom's.

"Look at all the candy I got, Grandma!" he proudly proclaimed as soon as my Mom opened the door.

"Yes, I see," my Mom replied. "Tracy, do you think that Mischa would like to go hunting with your Dad and Adam this weekend?"

"Who cares?" After what I'd just found out about Tina, all the hurt I'd felt over Mischa's betrayal had come flooding back.

My Mom frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Right after I met up with him again, he had a fling with a woman named Tina," I told her. "I just found out Tina's pregnant. I overheard her talking to her friend at the mall."

"Oh, no!" My Mom looked just as shocked as I'd felt. "Is it Mischa's?"

"I don't know. She was sleeping with this other guy at the same time."

"My God," my Mom said softly. "Does Mischa know?"

"I have no idea. He hasn't said a word about it to me."

"Well, he's a good boy," she said. "I'm sure he'll do what's right. I'm so sorry, hon."

"Yeah." I collected Meadow and took my kids home.

I dreaded running into Mischa the next day I worked, and sure enough, he was waiting for me with a big smile at the cafeteria's entrance at lunchtime. His smile evaporated as soon as he saw my face.

"Trace? What's wrong?"

I felt tears fill my eyes. "Tina's pregnant."

“Oh Tracy!" He tried to take me into his arms, but I pushed him away. "It couldn't be mine. I used a condom with her." He frowned. "How'd you find out, anyway? When did you see her?"

"I took Sage to the mall Halloween night, and we ended up standing right in front of her and Debbie. They were there with Debbie's little girl."

Mischa shook his head. "If I had a kopek for every time I've wished I'd never met that woman..."

I smirked. "You'd be a rich man."

"I'd be a rich man," he agreed. "But I don't think there's anything to worry about, Tracy. I'm sure it's that other guy's."

"But condoms aren't one hundred percent effective, you know..."

"It's that other guy's." There was an edge to his voice I'd never heard before, and it frightened me a little. "I'm sorry, Trace. I didn't mean to sound harsh, but the subject's closed. I never want to hear anything about it again." His face relaxed into a smile. "Now, shall we go to lunch?" He put his arm around me and led me into the cafeteria.

I found that I wasn't quite as hungry as I normally was. Mischa filled his tray with the usual amount of food. "Is that all you're going to eat?" he asked me.

"I'm just not very hungry today." I grimaced. "Bad time of the month," I lied.

"Poor baby." He gave me a sympathetic hug.

We engaged in light banter for the entire meal, but I still couldn't get Tina off my mind. Before it was time to leave for the day, I couldn't stand it and went to find Debbie.

Her eyes narrowed when she saw me. "What do you want?"

"I need to know if Tina's pregnant with Mischa's baby," I demanded.

"What business is it of yours?" She smirked hatefully. "Haven't you done enough to wreck her life? She already had to quit because of that stupid fight you picked with her. What are you gonna do to her next?"

"Nothing," I said. "But I do want to know if her baby's Mischa's."

"Well, guess what? I'm not gonna tell you!" She laughed cruelly. "And if you don't go away and leave me alone right now, you're gonna be very sorry!"

✽✽✽

Mom called me later. "Did you get the chance to ask Mischa if he wants to go hunting with your father and Adam this weekend?' she asked me.

"Not yet," I told her. "I've had other stuff going on, and it kind of slipped my mind."

"Other stuff? Oh, yeah," she said softly. "Whatever happened with that?"

"Well, Mischa says it probably isn't his because he used a condom with her."

"Well, then there's nothing to worry about, is there?" Mom said brightly, changing the subject.

Almost right after I got off the telephone with Mom, Mischa called. "Are you all right, Tracy?" he asked.

"I'm fine. Why?"

"I just don't want you to be worried about anything, that's all. Everything's going to be all right."

"I know." I knew that I didn't dare tell him about my confrontation with Debbie. "My Mom wanted me to ask you if you want to go hunting with my Dad and Adam this weekend."

"I'd love to!" he exclaimed.

On Saturday morning, I took the kids and went to spend the day with Mom. I hadn't done that in a long time, and I thought it would be nice to do it again. It was a sunny day but quite cool, so I put jackets on both kids.

"Well, hello there, dear," Mom said when she saw us. "What a lovely surprise!"

"I can count to twenty now, Grandma," said Sage. "Wanna hear me?"

"Of course, sweetheart." I took the kids into the house and started to take their jackets off them, but Mom stopped me.

"I was thinking that, since the men are gone for the day, perhaps we could go to the mall," she suggested. "There's supposed to be some good sales going on."

"I wanna ride the merry-go-round!" Sage crowed.

Nobody ever had to tell me twice when there were sales going on at the mall, as I was a shopaholic extraordinaire. We arrived to find that the largest store, which was at the mall's entrance, had just received a new shipment of winter clothing. I bought shirts and jog suits for both kids and a couple of sweaters for myself. On the way out of that store, we walked past the section with the newborn clothes, and my mind immediately turned to Tina. Idly I wondered whether she was shopping for baby clothes that day.

We came to the indoor carousel, which we let both kids ride, and then we looked around in both book stores and the music store. Then it was on to the hobby store, the toy store, and the dollar store, where I bought toys for the kids and some small household items.

By then it was lunchtime, so we ate at the food court and then went back to my Mom's house. That afternoon, Sage and Meadow took naps while Mom and I baked pies in the kitchen and chatted together. It was the first time we'd done that since I was a teenager, and it was a very special time for us. Mom asked how I really felt about Mischa.

"Since he came back into my life, I've come to really care for him a lot," I told her. "It really hurt me when he had the fling with Tina, but I know that everyone makes mistakes, so I was wiling to forgive him. But now that Tina's pregnant...if there's any chance at all that it might be Mischa's, I just don't know how I can stand the thought of him having a child with another woman."

"Yet he was readily able to accept the fact that you'd had children with another man," Mom pointed out.

"But that's different!" I protested. "I was married to Jeff, and besides, I had no idea I'd ever see Mischa again."

"Well, you have to remember that, regardless of the circumstances, the child is completely innocent," Mom said. "If it does turn out to be Mischa's, I hope you'll be able to accept it, as he's accepted your children."

Just then we heard the sound of my Dad's truck outside and knew that the guys had returned.

Eager to find out how successful the hunting trip had been, I dashed outside to find all three of them grinning triumphantly as they emerged from the truck. "Adam killed a deer!" Dad told me.

"Wow! Really?" I looked at my younger brother, whose beaming face told me it was true.

"We'll eat well tonight," Mischa said. He and Dad and Adam spent most of the afternoon skinning the deer and cutting the meat up into portions. Mom cooked some of it up with onions for dinner and made vegetables and baked potatoes to go with it, and then of course there were the pies Mom and I had made for dessert. One was sweet potato and the other was pecan. I don't care much for deer meat myself, but I ate it anyway because I didn't want to hurt Adam's feelings.

"Have you ever killed a deer before?" I asked Mischa as we were eating.

"Oh, yes," he told me. "My father started taking me hunting when I was twelve or thirteen. Mostly it was birds and other small animals, but there was an occasional deer as well."

I gave Sage a little bite of the deer meat to see if he'd like it. He grimaced and shook his head, so I heated up the frozen meal I'd brought along for him just in case.

I was happy to see that Mischa liked both pies. He asked if Mom or I had made them, and I told him that I'd helped her make them.

"You're a wonderful cook," he told me.

"Thank you," I replied. "I haven't cooked an entire meal for you yet, have I?"

"No, you haven't," he told me.

"I'll cook one just for us and the kids on the next day we both have off," I decided. "What's your favorite meal?"

"I haven't had Chicken Kiev in a long time, but anything you want to make is fine with me."

We stayed at my parents' house until it was almost dark, and then I said good-bye to Mischa. Dad had picked him up at his apartment that morning, so he didn't have his car with him. "Can you come by for a little while, after I put the kids to bed?" I asked hopefully.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Trace," he told me. "I'm just too tired from hunting. We'll do it soon though, OK?" He touched my chin and kissed my lips.

I swallowed my disappointment and took Sage and Meadow home alone. I put their pajamas on them and put them to bed, then sat in bed reading a romance novel until I got sleepy.

The next day, Mischa and I were eating lunch across from one another in the cafeteria when I saw Debbie. Her eyes met mine, and she mouthed the word 'yes' at me. I almost choked on my food.

"Tracy! What is it?" Mischa asked me.

My eyes filled with tears as I shook my head. "I have to go now," I said, leaving my half-eaten lunch sitting on the table and dashing out of the cafeteria.

I rushed into the nurse's lounge to see that, to my relief, it was vacant. I knew that I had to collect myself before I could return to work. Could Debbie be telling the truth? Could she be lying about Mischa being Tina's baby's father just to hurt me? Did she even know herself who Tina's baby's father was?

Mischa had told me he'd used a condom with Tina, and I believed him. I knew that there was a small chance that the condom had failed, and if that were the case, then Mischa may well be Tina's baby's father. However, as I'd chosen to forgive Mischa for his affair with Tina, we would share the possible consequences of that indiscretion together.

With the issue now resolved, I continued the day's work as usual and then left to go home. Mischa caught up with me in the parking lot as I was headed for my car.

"Tracy! What happened at lunch?"

"I...I just had a bad morning today, Mischa. They brought in this little girl who'd been electrocuted and lost both her arms." It was true. The little girl had been about a year or two younger than Sage, and both her arms had been shriveled and black. They'd looked just like chicken drumsticks that had been burned to a crisp. I'd known right away that there was no way they could be saved. I'd had to assist with the operation. It had been one of the most heartbreaking cases I'd ever encountered in my career, and I knew I'd never forget it.

"But you were as cheerful as usual when I first met up with you," Mischa pointed out. "You didn't change until about halfway through lunch."

I sighed. He'd seen through my white lie. "I saw Debbie," I admitted.

"Has she been harassing you, Tracy? Because if she has, I'll put an end to it right away."

"No, she hasn't been harassing me, but she told me...she told me...never mind."

"Something about me?"

"She told me you were Tina's baby's father."

Mischa sighed deeply.

"Even if it's true, Mischa, I decided...I still want to be with you."

By now we'd reached my car. He held his arms out to me, and I went into them. He held me tightly, and I rested my head on his shoulder. "I love you, Trace," he told me.

"I...I love you too, Mischa." My heart was pounding in my ears. It was the first time he'd ever said those words to me.

"Whatever happens, it'll be all right. We'll work something out."

Chapter 7

I went to the library to look at recipe books. I had to find the perfect Chicken Kiev recipe for when Mischa came over for dinner. At last I found one that I thought looked authentic enough and went to the supermarket to buy the ingredients.

Adam was working that day, stocking shelves. "So you're gonna make dinner for your boyfriend?" he teased me.

"I'm gonna make dinner for Mischa," I replied. He rubbed his fingers together and made kissing noises. I ignored him.

On the day Mischa was due to come over, I spent almost the entire day in the kitchen, trying to make sure that everything was just right. When it got close to dinner time, I dressed Sage and Meadow in their nicest clothes.

"How come we have to get dressed up if we're not going anywhere?" asked Sage.

"It's a special night," I told him. "Mischa's coming over for dinner."

"What's so special about that? Mischa's been over here before."

"Not for dinner."

"What are we having?"

"I'm making something called Chicken Kiev for me and Mischa and chicken nuggets for your and Meadow."

At last the meal was finished, and all that was left was to wait for Mischa to arrive.

The time we'd agreed upon came and passed. I'd left the food on low heat so that it wouldn't get cold if he arrived a little late, but I began to worry that it might dry out. I'd been waiting for fifteen minutes when the telephone rang. It was Mischa.

"Trace? Hey, babe, I'm really sorry, but I'm afraid I'm gonna be a little late. I blew a tire and just got done changing it. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Well, thanks for calling to let me know," I said, relief flooding through me. "I'll see you when you get here!"

The kids were really starving, so I went ahead and fed them. They were just finishing up when Mischa arrived. "I'm really sorry about being late," he said. "This is for you." He handed me a red rose.

"It's beautiful!" I said. "Thanks!" I got a vase for the rose.

"Mischa!" Sage exclaimed happily.

"Hey there, buddy!" Mischa grinned and ruffled his hair. "How have you been?" He turned to Meadow. "Hey, beautiful girl!" Meadow grinned.

I served the Chicken Kiev, and Mischa told me it was perfect.

"It's the first time I've ever made it," I told him. "I looked and looked for just the right recipe."

"It tastes just like my Mom's," he replied, chuckling. "Have you noticed that the past few times we've gotten together have been to eat? I was thinking that maybe next time we could do something else for a change. Do you like to go ice skating?"

"Actually, I've never been," I confessed. "But I used to love to go roller skating when I was a teenager!"

"It's pretty much the same, only on blades instead of wheels." He grinned. "How about I take you next time we both have the day off?"

"That would be great!" I replied. "I'm sure my Mom wouldn't mind watching the kids."

After we finished eating and cleaned up, we took the kids to the park. I pushed Meadow on a swing while Mischa played with Sage on the slide. While we were there, I met up with a girl I remembered from high school named Erica, who was there with a man and three children.

"This is my husband Yuri, and these are our children, Toni, Sonya, and Mason," she told me. Toni and Sonya were preteens, and Mason looked to be slightly younger than Sage.

"This is Mischa, and my children's names are Sage and Meadow," I told Erica.

Yuri and Mischa immediately started chatting enthusiastically with one another in Russian. Erica and I watched the younger children at play. "He's thrilled to have found someone from his own country to talk to," she told me. "He gets lonely sometimes."

"I'm sure Mischa does too," I replied. To be honest, I hadn't really thought about it.

"So how long have you guys been married?" Erica asked.

"Actually, we're not." I felt a bit awkward. "Sage and Meadow's father was a man named Jeff. He died when Meadow was three months old."

"That's terrible!" she exclaimed. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's all right," I said. "He was an abusive drunk, anyway."

"How did you end up with someone like that?"

"I was young and naive and didn't know any better. Plus he was so charming that he fooled me. I'll sure never make that mistake again."

"So how did you meet Mischa?"

"He's a security guard at the hospital where I work. He saved me from being mugged one day, and things just went from there."

"How romantic!" said Erica.

Mischa and I ended up spending the entire day together. We ate leftovers and then watched television until it was time to put the children to bed.

"Thank you so much for having me over," Mischa said as he prepared to leave. "I had a wonderful time."

"Thanks for coming over," I replied. "We enjoyed having you." I was a little disappointed that he hadn't offered to stay until after the children were in bed so that we could have had some time together alone, but I didn't say anything.

I wondered whether or not he'd kiss me with the kids watching. He gave me a chaste peck on the lips.

I put the children to bed right after he left. "Mama, is Mischa gonna be my new Daddy?" Sage asked me as I tucked him in.

"I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, but for now, he's just a good friend," I replied.

"Do you like him better than my old Daddy?" Boy, did he ask some tough questions!

"I loved your old Daddy, Sage," I told my son. "But he had some very serious problems. That's why he died when he did."

"Is Mischa like my old Daddy?"

"No, he isn't, thank goodness. He's a completely different kind of man." I finished tucking him in and went to turn the light out.

"Mommy?"

"What is it, sweetie?"

"I want Mischa to be my new Daddy."

"Maybe he will be, some day."

✽✽✽

As I'd predicted, Mom agreed to watch Sage and Meadow so that Mischa and I could go ice skating together. "You are coming over for Thanksgiving, aren't you?" she asked. With a start, I realized that it was now less than two weeks away. "Mischa's welcome to come too, of course."

"I'm sure he'll want to," I replied. "He doesn't have any family here."

On the way to the ice skating rink, I happened to think of Lisa. Since Mischa and I had gotten back together, I'd hardly heard from her at all. I assumed that she was busy dating Chris and that was why she hadn't been in touch as much, but I missed her.

As it turned out, I'd completely lost my touch and had to start all over again with learning to skate. Luckily, Mischa was patient with me. I told him about the Thanksgiving invitation from Mom.

"Sure, I'd love to spend Thanksgiving with your family," he said.

I also mentioned Lisa to him. "It's been such a long time since I talked to her," I said. "I know she's been really busy with her new boyfriend, but I'd really love to get together with her again."

"Perhaps we could double date sometime," Mischa suggested.

"What a great idea!" I exclaimed.

Chapter 8

I

called Lisa that night after I'd put the kids to bed. "Hey, girlfriend!" she exclaimed. "How the heck have you been? It's been ages, hasn't it?"

"Ages and ages," I agreed. "How's it going with Chris?"

"It's going great with Chris!" She giggled. "I slept with him for the first time just a couple of weeks ago."

"Oh, did you?" No wonder I hadn't heard from her in so long! I felt a surge of envy course through me.

"He'd taken me to dinner and a movie, and when we got back to my place, I invited him in for a couple of drinks," she told me. "We were sitting on the sofa listening to a Boyz II Men CD and making out. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, all our clothes were off and we were in my bed."

"You did use protection, didn't you?"

"Of course we did, silly! What do you think?" She giggled. "So, how are things going with Mischa?"

"All right. He went hunting with my Dad and Adam last weekend. Adam killed a deer, and my Mom cooked it for dinner. He took me ice skating this morning."

"So have you...you know..."

"Not yet. We want to wait until the time is just right." A vision of Debbie mouthing the word 'yes' to me in the hospital cafeteria sprang to mind, and I desperately tried to squash it.

"Well, don't wait too long. You don't want to lose him."

"He's the one who keeps putting it off. He got burned the last time, so he's scared."

"Are you sure that isn't just an excuse?" she asked softly.

I thought of Mischa's idea about double dating with her and Chris but decided that I wasn't in the mood for it now. She'd planted some serious doubts in my mind, doubts that I couldn't just casually dismiss.

I had to work the following day. I'd been on shift for less than an hour when a critically injured young man was brought into the emergency room. He couldn't have been older than twenty-five at the very most. I was still quite shaken about it when I met Mischa for lunch that day. He could tell right away that I was upset about something.

"What's wrong, Trace?" he asked anxiously.

"They brought in this guy with a broken neck this morning," I told him. "He probably won't make it, but if he does, he'll be paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of his life. One of the emergency room techs knows him. He said the guy was supposed to get married in just three days."

Mischa frowned. "Gosh, that's awfully sad."

"His fiancee must be devastated," I remarked.

"I'm sure she is." Mischa looked thoughtful. "My grandparents were married for sixty years," he told me. "Sixty years. That's a long time. My grandfather died in bed at home. He asked my grandmother to fetch a glass of water for him, and when she came back, he was gone."

"So they didn't really get to say good-bye."

"They both knew it was the end. They'd already said everything they needed to say to each other, so there was no unfinished business."

We ate in silence for awhile. "It would be wonderful to have a love that lasted a lifetime like that," I finally said.

"You never talk about him," Mischa remarked.

"About whom?"

"Your husband who died."

"I never talk about him because it's just too painful a subject for me. Things were good for maybe about six months. Then I started finding empty beer cans everywhere, in the car, in the trash. I confronted him about it, and he told me it was none of my damn business how much he drank."

"Then came the night I had to work late because another one of the nurses called in sick. He accused me of being with another man and pulled my hair and slapped me across the face."

"My God, Tracy! Why didn't you leave him?"

"The next day, after he'd sobered up, he cried and told me how sorry he was and promised me that it would never happen again, and I believed him."

"And did it ever happen again?"

I nodded.

Mischa cupped my face in his hands and gazed earnestly into my eyes. "I swear to you, Tracy, I would never lay a finger on you."

On the next day we had off together, I never heard from him. I tried calling him and got his answering machine. I debated whether or not to leave a message but didn't want to seem desperate. I spent the day with the kids and forgot about it until he called me later that evening.

"Did you call earlier?" he asked.

"Yeah," I admitted, deciding after a moment's hesitation not to lie about it.

"Is everything OK?"

"Everything's fine. I just wanted to ask you...um, I was just thinking that maybe we could do something together, or something."

"Oh, um, well, I spent the day hanging out with Adam and Danny and Jason. I just now got in and saw that I had a message."

So he'd decided he'd rather spend the day with my brother and his friends than with me. Anger flared up inside me, but I swallowed it. "Well, did you have a nice time?"

"Yeah, it was great to see them all again. We did some target practice, and later on we played pool. Did you have a nice day?"

"Yeah, it was all right. I just hung out with the kids." We missed you, I wanted to add.

"That's nice," he told me. "Well, I'll see you Thanksgiving. I'll pick you and the kids up at around eleven, okay?"

"That's fine," I said.

"Bye, Trace. I love you."

I didn't feel like saying it back to him.

On Thanksgiving he arrived at five after eleven to pick me and the kids up and take us to my parents' house. Sage and Meadow were thrilled to see him again, as always.

While we were eating dinner, Mischa regaled my family with stories about growing up in Russia, about all the things he and his father had done together when he was a child.

"It sounds like you were very close to your father," Mom observed.

"I still am," he told her. "We write to each other all the time."

"I used to have a Daddy, but he died," Sage put in. "Are you gonna be my new Daddy, Mischa?"

"Sage!" I exclaimed. What if he'd just blown my chances with Mischa?

"Maybe." Mischa grinned. "You never know what might happen in the future."

After dinner, I got both kids settled for a nap, and then Mischa asked me if I wanted to take a walk. "I'm sorry about Sage," I told him.

"What do you mean?"

"You know. What he asked you."

He laughed. "That's all right! He's just a little boy." He turned serious. "I didn't want to say anything in front of your parents right away," he told me. "But the Bolshoi Ballet is performing in New York next month, and I'd love it if you'd go with me."

"Wow!" My eyes widened in delight. "I'd love to!"

"Great. We fly out of here the evening before, spend the night in a motel, then have the whole day to see the sights in New York before the first performance. It lasts twelve days, and we fly home the morning after the last show."

I was so happy that I jumped up and down and squealed.

"Um...you don't think there will be a problem with your parents being willing to babysit, do you?" His question brought me right back down to reality. In the year since Jeff's death, I'd never asked my parents to keep my kids for me to go out of town with a man. What would they say? Would Mom condemn me for having loose morals?

Hey, that's right...if Mischa and I spent two weeks in New York together, that would mean staying in a motel room with him every night. Did his invitation imply that he was finally ready to take our relationship to a physical level? I hoped so!

"I hope not," I told him. I knew I'd have to choose just the right time to ask them.

"We could ask them together, if you think that would be better," he offered.

"Let's ask them right now," I suggested. Hand in hand, we returned to my parents' home.

"Mom, Dad," I began when I saw them. "I have kind of a big favor to ask of you."

They sat silently, waiting for me to continue. "Mischa has invited me to go to New York to watch the Bolshoi Ballet perform. The show lasts two weeks. We were wondering if you'd be able to watch the kids while we're gone."

To my immense relief, Mom didn't seem horrified or outraged. "Are you sure you really want to do this?" she asked.

"I really want to go, Mom. I haven't done anything like this since Jeff died. I'll give you some money to help with the kids' expenses, if you want."

"I'm not worried about that, but Meadow's so little. Do you think she'll be all right, being away from you for that long?"

"She loves you and Dad, Mom. I wouldn't leave her at all if I didn't know she was gonna be left in good hands."

"You take good care of my daughter," Dad said gruffly to Mischa. "Don't you dare let anything happen to her. Ya hear?"

"I promise you, I will protect her with my life," Mischa swore.

We stayed at my parents' house until late like we usually did, and then Mischa drove us home. "Goodbye, Tracy," he said, squeezing my hand. "I'll see you real soon."

∞∞∞

I was surprised to hear from Lisa several days later. "Hey, girl!" she exclaimed. "Chris' Alma mater has a basketball game this Friday night, and we were wondering whether you and Mischa would like to come along."

"Sounds great!" I replied. "I've been thinking the four of us should all do something together for a long time now. I'll ask Mischa if he's off that night."

Right after I got off the telephone with Lisa, I called Mischa and got his machine. "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that Chris and Lisa have invited us to go to a basketball game with them Friday night, if you're off then. Please let me know if you are."

The next day, I was on my way to the cafeteria when I felt Mischa hug me before I saw him. "Hey, babe!" he exclaimed. "I'd love to go to that basketball game with you."

"So you're off that night?"

"I sure am!"

I got my parents to watch Sage and Meadow, and Mischa and I waited together at my place for Chris and Lisa to pick us up. Little did I know at the time how often I'd look back on that night in regret.

✽✽✽

I opened my eyes and didn't know where I was at first, until the antiseptic smell told me that I was in the hospital. But why would I be lying flat on my back in a bed here? The last thing I remembered was getting into Chris' car with Mischa.

I glanced to the side, where I saw that my mother was sitting beside my bed. She came alive when she saw that I was looking at her. "Darling! You're awake!"

"What...what happened, Mom?"

"You were in an accident," she told me. "A semi pulled out in front of the car, and Chris didn't have time to stop. You're going to be all right, dear. They told me that they couldn't find any brain damage or serious internal injuries."

"Oh my God! What about Mischa? Is he all right?"

"He's fine, sweetie, and so are the others. They all just got some bruises and scratches. Nobody else got knocked unconscious."

"Is that all that's wrong with me? I just got knocked unconscious?"

"Like I told you, Tracy, they haven't found any serious damage. Now that you're awake, I'm sure they'll let you go home soon." Mom looked as if she might cry. "Oh, sweetheart, I was so worried about you!"

"Where are Sage and Meadow?"

"They're with Matt and Patty."

My co-worker, Jill, arrived a few minutes later. "Oh, good! You're awake!" she said with a smile. "How do you feel?"

"Like I've just been run over by a train," I answered truthfully. I felt as if all the energy had been zapped right out of me.

"Aw, I'm sorry!" Jill did something to my IV and then produced a thermometer, which she stuck in my mouth. "Well, at least your temperature's normal," she announced a moment later. "When did Tracy wake up?" she asked Mom.

"About fifteen minutes ago," Mom replied.

"Well, welcome back to the land of the living, Trace," Jill said cheerfully.

I scowled. "How much longer do I have to stay here?"

"Just until the doctor says you can go home." She patted my foot. "Don't worry. It won't be that long."

That's funny, I thought. I saw her pat my foot, but I didn't feel anything at all. I tried to move first one foot, then the other, and discovered to my horror that I wasn't able to move either leg at all.

Chapter 9

“Y

our spinal cord has been compressed," Dr. Bailey, the neurologist, told me. "The swelling is pressing on the nerves that control the lower half of your body. It's too soon to tell whether or not the paralysis will be permanent. You may eventually make a partial or even complete recovery. Right now, the important thing is to make the most of the abilities you still have and learn to compensate for those you've lost."

I was absolutely devastated. I'd always prided myself on my independence, my ability to care for myself and my children on my own, and now that had been taken away from me in the blink of an eye.

"But what about nursing?" Near tears, I could hear the panic in my voice. "I worked hard to get where I am now!"

"You may well recover sufficiently to eventually resume your occupational duties," Dr. Bailey replied. "But if not, there are agencies that help you train for a new one."

"But I don't want to do another job! I want to be a nurse!" I began to sob. "What about Sage and Meadow?"

"With support, you should have no problem caring for your children as before. Many paraplegics are successful, happy parents."

Paraplegics. I'd cared for them many times, changing their catheters, bandaging their bed sores, giving them sponge baths. I'd always had deep pity for them, considering them to be amongst the world's most unfortunate souls. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever suspected that I might one day be one of them myself, and yet now I was.

After Dr. Bailey had left, I cried myself to sleep. When I awakened, the memory of what the physician had told me slammed into me once again, sending me spiraling into a deep depression.

"Can I get you anything, honey?" Mom asked.

"Maybe just a drink of water," I replied. She handed me a Styrofoam cup of ice water, and I eagerly gulped it down.

"Mischa's been asking to see you ever since you woke up," she told me. "Can I tell him he can come in?"

Mischa. What would he think of me now? Surely he wouldn't want to be with a cripple, would he? Should I give him his freedom so that he could find someone else who was still healthy and whole? I couldn't bear the thought of losing him, but neither could I bear the thought of him staying with me out of duty or obligation and becoming bitter and resentful down the road.

"Send him in," I said. Might as well get it over with now, I told myself.

I'll never forget the look on Mischa's face for as long as I live. Never before had I ever seen anyone looking so woebegone. It reminded me of the way Jeff's mother had looked at his funeral.

"Tracy," he said at last. "I'm so sorry."

"So am I," I said.

"I wish it had been me instead."

"No, you don't."

"I love you, Tracy. Don't you believe me?"

"Maybe you love me now, but what if I never get any better? What if I'm paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of my life?"

"I'll always love you, Trace. No matter what."

"Do you really think you'll be happy with a cripple? We could never go skating, horseback or bicycle riding, or dancing together again. Everywhere we went, you'd have to push me in my wheelchair. It wouldn't be fair to you, Mischa, and eventually you'd resent me."

"I could never resent you, Tracy. It's gonna be all right. Please believe me. No matter what happens, we'll work something out. You and me. Together."

He came to me and held me for the first time since the accident. His arms around me felt so comforting, so reassuring. For the first time since discovering that I couldn't move my legs, I felt that I actually had hope.

Just then I thought of something. Would Mischa and I ever make love now? What would sex as a paraplegic be like? I wouldn't be able to move or to feel anything at all. Mischa would have to do everything himself while I lay motionless and unresponsive beneath him. How could either of us derive any satisfaction at all from that? How could it possibly bring us closer?

Lisa and Chris came to visit later, stayed for a few minutes of awkward conversation, and left. Adam came by and brought me a teddy bear. "Now you won't be lonesome at night," he told me.

"Thank you," I said.

Later, I spent a mostly sleepless night cuddling my teddy bear and thinking about Mischa, wondering whether I could ever be the woman he deserved.

✽✽✽

"Time for physical therapy." I just stared at the wheelchair that had been brought to my bedside. Nobody had told me this was going to happen.

"Somebody's gonna have to help me into that." I eyed the wheelchair suspiciously. "I can't get into it on my own."

"You can and you will." The physical therapist's voice was pleasant but firm. "Learning to get into a wheelchair on your own is your first step toward independence."

"But I'll fall!" Although the wheelchair was right beside the bed and the side rails were down, to me it seemed miles away.

"No you won't," the physical therapist assured me. "I'm right here. If you start to fall, I'll catch you."

I could tell that there was no point in arguing, but I was still afraid. To raise your butt into the air with your hands without being able to feel it is very scary. I took a few seconds to gather my courage, then slowly lifted myself and scooted onto the wheelchair.

"You did it!" the physical therapist praised me. "See! That wasn't so bad, was it?"

I scowled, irritated by his condescending tone. He rolled me down the hall for a morning's worth of grueling shoulder and upper arm exercises. I was totally exhausted by the time we were finished.

Chapter 10

W

hen I returned to my hospital room, I was so tired that I fell asleep and slept for most of the day. When I awakened, I saw that Mischa was sitting beside my bed, smiling and holding a bouquet of flowers. "I'm so glad to see you!" I exclaimed.

His smile widened as he held the flowers out to me. "These are for you."

"They're lovely! Thank you!" Mom helped me find a vase for the flowers.

"So, how has your day been?" asked Mischa.

"Hard! They have me doing all these grueling exercises to build up my arm muscles. My arms feel like they're about to fall right off!"

"Aw..." He pulled a fake frown.

"How was your day?" I asked him.

"Boring! I couldn't wait to get off work so that I could come see you."

The next couple of weeks were filled with examinations, more highly intense physical therapy sessions, and visits from family and friends. Mischa came to see me faithfully every single day, staying for several hours at a time and filling me in on events in his personal life as well as the general goings-on at the hospital.

"I told my family back in Russia about you," he told me one day. "They all send you their best." They sent presents as well, beautiful postcards with scenes of snow-covered ancient architectural structures with magnificent onion-shaped spires, colorful scarves and shawls, quaint objects such as thimbles, key chains, can openers, writing utensils, and tiny dolls.

"This is really beginning to look like an international room," an elderly nurse whom I didn't know very well commented.

At last the day came that the neurologists and physical therapists finally decided that I was ready to go home. Mom came to stay with me for a couple of weeks to help me get used to being on my own in a wheelchair and, joy of joys, Matt and Patty were bringing Sage and Meadow home to stay as well.

My home still looked much the same as it had the last time I'd seen it, which now seemed like a million years ago, except that of course my parents had rearranged some things to make them more accessible to me now. In my wheelchair I moved from room to room, getting used to maneuvering around with my new limitations. Mischa took the day off work so that he could help as much as possible. I heard the doorbell ring and knew that my children were home.

"Sage! Meadow!" I gathered them both into my arms and hugged them fiercely. "I haven't seen you guys in so long!"

"Why are you in this chair, Mommy?" asked Sage.

"My legs don't work right now, so I have to use the chair to get around," I told my son.

"Why don't your legs work?"

"My back got hurt in the car crash, and that damaged the nerves that control my legs. That's why they don't work anymore."

"Are they ever gonna work again, Mommy?"

"I don't know, sweetie." For the first time since I'd awakened in the hospital, I burst into tears.

✽✽✽

With lots of help from my parents, I adjusted to being back at home quickly. Mischa still either came by in person or called every day. "I suppose the trip to New York will have to be postponed now," he said softly one day.

The Bolshoi Ballet! With everything that had happened, I'd completely forgotten about it. "When were we supposed to leave?"

"In two more days."

"I was so looking forward to that!" I exclaimed.

"So was I." He sighed. "I wonder if there's a way we could still go, after all," he said thoughtfully a moment later.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if you can make it around your home and neighborhood all right, why not New York City? I know you'd need some assistance, but I'm sure I'll be able to handle things just fine."

I gasped. "But Mischa, that will be so much trouble for you!"

"I don't mind. You're worth it."

"Oh, Mischa..." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. "You'd really do that...for me?"

"Of course I would! I'd do anything for you, Trace. I love you!"

✽✽✽

Mischa spent the next couple of days getting more familiar with what it would be like to be with me 24/7, and after making arrangements for the children to stay with my parents, we packed our bags and left for the airport. We went through customs and then boarded the airplane.

Sitting in a regular airplane seat beside the man I loved, I felt normal for the first time since my accident. I held his hand as we soared into the air.

"Two whole weeks with the woman I love," he murmured. "You'll never know how long I've looked forward to this."

"So have I," I told him. "I've felt like a patient for so long. It'll be nice to feel like a woman again."

He gave me a quick hug. "After everything you've been through, you deserve nothing but the best, and I intend to give it to you."

At last the airplane landed, and I was in New York City for the very first time in my life. I gazed about in awe at the skyscrapers, the busy streets, the crowds. I felt as if I were in a whole new world.

It took Mischa awhile to find a taxi service that was wheelchair accessible, but he finally did, and we and our luggage were off to the motel.

Our room was modest but very nice. By the time we were settled, it was lunchtime. "So, where would you like to go?" Mischa asked me.

"Gosh, I don't know!" I replied. "There's just so much to choose from..."

He took me to a deli, where we ate Reuben sandwiches and drank something called a Manhattan Special, which was like a carbonated coffee. "It's delicious!" I exclaimed.

"So, do you like New York City so far?" he asked me.

"I love it!"

I saw that his eyes were twinkling. "This is just the beginning," he told me.

✽✽✽

After lunch we took a taxi to Central Park, where Mischa pushed me down a broad walkway lined by trees with overhanging branches that were laced together. On a large, vibrantly green lawn, we saw people relaxing on quilts spread on the ground. How I longed to join them! Beyond the trees, we could see the tops of the tall buildings in the distance. He took me to the zoo, to Strawberry Fields, and to the Swedish Cottage Marionette Theatre, and by the time we'd seen all of that, it was time to go back to the motel to get ready for the first night of the Bolshoi Ballet.

I'd never been inside an arena as vast as that of the Lincoln Center For The Performing Arts. Row upon row of seats lined the interior, all facing the curtains. A large orb hung from the top of the ceiling. Mischa found our seats, and we waited for the program to start.

At last the curtains opened, and the performance began. I watched, mesmerized, as the ballerinas in their white tutus swept gracefully across the stage, moving together as one. Later, a man dressed in red picked one dancer up and lifted her high into the air, to the delight of the audience. Watching the dancers, I found myself transported into another world. All too soon it was over, and time to return to the motel for the night.

Suddenly jarred back to reality, I realized that I was alone in a motel room with Mischa at night for the very first time. Everything was perfectly quiet as we looked at one another, knowing that the most awkward moment of our vacation was now upon us.

At last Mischa sighed and rolled me to the bathroom, where he began to run the bath. I was able to remove my shirt and bra by myself, of course, but Mischa had to help me with my pants and panties. He blushed furiously as he did so, trying desperately not to look at my bare breasts.

When I was completely naked, he gently lowered me into the bathtub, then handed me a washcloth and a bar of soap. "Call me when you're finished," he mumbled.

He dashed quickly out of the bathroom, trying but failing to keep me from seeing the bulge in the front of his pants. I felt so bad about that that I began to cry softly as soon as he'd left, and the water was already tepid by the time I was calm enough to start bathing.

I was about halfway finished when I heard Mischa knock on the door. "Tracy? Are you all right in there?"

"I'm f-fine," I stammered. "Just give me a few more minutes."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" He sounded embarrassed. "I didn't mean to rush you!"

"That's OK," I said.

When I was finished, he lifted me from the tub and helped me to towel off and put on clean panties and a nightgown. It wasn't quite as awkward as the first time he'd seen me naked, but we were both still far from comfortable with the situation.

As soon as I was fully dressed and back in my wheelchair, Mischa finally took a good look at my face and frowned in concern. "Tracy! Have you been crying?"

"N-no," I lied. "I'm just...really tired, that's all."

"Of course. It's been a long day, hasn't it?" He rolled me to the double bed we'd be sharing and helped me into it, then headed for the bathroom himself.

I heard the water running as he took his shower, and a few minutes later, he entered the bedroom in his pajamas. "Um...are you all right?" he asked awkwardly.

"Yeah, I guess so. Are you?"

"Yeah. Ready for lights out, then?"

"I suppose so."

He turned the lamp off and joined me in bed. A moment later, I felt his arms cradling me, pulling me close. I stiffened for just a moment, then gradually relaxed into his embrace.

He placed a soft kiss on my forehead. "Good night, Trace," he whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too. Good night." I lay wide awake in the dark, thinking of what needed to be said and wondering how best to word it. "Actually, I'm not all right," I mumbled after a few minutes.

Instantly Mischa was alarmed. "What's wrong, Trace?"

"Well..before my accident, I was really hoping that...well, that perhaps we'd have the chance to make love for the first time here in New York."

He was quiet for a long time.

"Mischa?" I asked after awhile, afraid that I'd just said the wrong thing.

"Yeah," he mumbled sheepishly. "To be honest, I'd kind of hoped the same thing as well, but that's all right. We're here together, and that's all that matters."

"But what about when we go back home? What if I never get any better? What if I'm like this for the rest of my life?"

"We'll just take it as it comes, sweetie, one day at a time. However it goes, I'm sure there are ways around it. People with all kinds of disabilities still have sex lives. We'll just have to learn how, that's all."

Something else occurred to me, something that I tried desperately to push to the back of my mind but couldn't. "You can still feel sexual pleasure," I told Mischa. "Would you like for me to...you know..."

"That's up to you," he replied. "I wouldn't object to it, but it would have to be completely your choice. I'd certainly never pressure you to."

"But would you be disappointed if I didn't?"

"Of course not! What kind of man would that make me? Tracy, I don't want you to feel like you 'owe' me anything just because I'm spending a lot of money on our vacation. I brought you to New York because I wanted to have a nice vacation with you, not because I wanted something in return. You understand that, don't you?"

"Thank you so much, Mischa. You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that."

"Aw, you don't have to thank me for that!" He squeezed me tight and kissed the top of my head. "Go to sleep now. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow."

Chapter 11

I

awakened the following morning to the sensation of Mischa gently caressing my breasts through the material of my nightgown. It felt really nice and awakened in me desires I hadn't felt in a very long time. He saw that I was awake and gave me a devilish grin. "Do you like that?"

"Mm, that feels really nice!" I told him.

Gently he raised my nightgown up and over my head, exposing my erect nipples, which ached for him. Right away he was there, gently suckling one while manipulating the other with his fingertips. The sensation was exquisite. I moaned in pleasure, and my hand automatically moved to cup his erection through his shorts.

"Do you want me to do you?" I asked coyly.

"It's completely up to you," he told me, but I could see the longing in his eyes.

"I'd like to," I told him.

In a flash he removed his shorts and straddled my face so that I could take him into my mouth. I licked and suckled with abandon while my fingers played with his balls, reaching behind them to stroke the sensitive skin there. From the noises he was making I could tell that he was enjoying what I was doing immensely. Before long he was groaning and thrusting, and when he was right on the brink he pulled out and came all over my chest.

"Just a sec." Quickly he fetched a warm, wet washcloth and cleaned me up, then lay back in bed and pulled me to him for a cuddle.

"I love you, Trace," he said as he stroked my hair. "I'm so glad we came to New York."

"Me too," I said. "For the very first time since my accident, I feel halfway normal again."

He laughed and kissed the tip of my nose. "I told you everything was going to be all right. You'll believe me next time, won't you?" he teased.

I was happy just to lie in his arms enjoying the sensation of his fingers massaging my back. "Mm, that feels so nice."

"So what do you want to do this morning?" he asked me.

We rode the Staten Island Ferry, toured the Statue of Liberty, and and spent the rest of the day visiting several museums, zoos, and even an aquarium. Our second night of the Bolshoi Ballet was even more spectacular than the first had been, so much so that I was almost sorry to leave when it was over.

"You really enjoyed that, didn't you?" Mischa asked me on the way back to the motel. "I can tell by the way your eyes are sparkling."

"It takes me to another world," I told him. "For just a little while, I can forget about...this." I glanced down at my useless legs.

As soon as we reached the motel, Mischa rolled me into the bathroom and began to run my bath, as he'd done the night before. Tenderly he undressed me and lowered me into the tub, where he lathered a washcloth and began to bathe me.

"I can bathe myself, you know," I reminded him, resenting the idea that he was treating me as if I were totally helpless.

"I know." He chuckled. "I just thought you might like to be pampered a little."

"Well, since you put it that way..." I closed my eyes and lay back in the tub, enjoying his ministrations. When he got to my lower body, he spread my legs and fondled my privates.

"You don't have any sensation there at all?"

I shook my head.

"Oh, Trace, I'm so sorry!" He sounded as if he might cry as he embraced me.

"I'm sorry." Suddenly I felt very depressed. "I wish I could be a real woman for you."

"Listen to me, Trace." He gripped the sides of the tub and looked into my eyes. "Sex is such a small part of a complete relationship. What we have together is so special, so precious, and I would never want to be with any other woman but you. There's nothing at all for you to feel bad about."

"Yeah." I was crying softly, my tears dripping into the water. He kissed them away and finished bathing me, then lifted me from the tub and toweled me off.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, gazing up and down my naked body. "So beautiful."

He helped me into my panties and nightgown, then gathered me into his arms and carried me to bed. "What about my chair?" I asked.

"I'll get it later," he told me as he laid me down and began to massage my shoulders.

"Mm, I get a massage too?" I asked.

"You sure do!"

I fell asleep as he was gently kneading all the tension out of my muscles. At some point later in the night, I awakened to hear him softly sobbing.

"Mischa?" I touched his cheek to find it moist with tears.

"It's just so unfair," he muttered. "You didn't deserve this." His arms snaked around me and held me tighter than ever before.

"It's all right, Mischa." For the first time, I found myself comforting him instead of the other way around. "We're making it all right. We're managing."

"No, it's not all right." He sounded angry. "You shouldn't have had so much taken away from you. You shouldn't have lost so much."

"But I still have you, Mischa. I still have my children and my family. I still have everything that really matters."

"You're such a brave woman, Trace," he told me. "You're the bravest person I've ever known, and I love you so much more than I ever thought I possibly could."

✽✽✽

The morning after the final performance of the Bolshoi Ballet, we packed our bags, checked out of the motel, and left for the airport.

"I can't wait to see Sage and Meadow again!" I said as the airplane took off. "I've missed them so much!"

"I'm sure they really missed you, too." Mischa smiled. "You'll have lots of stories to tell them about New York, won't you? Lots of pictures to show them, too."

"Yeah." I had yet to talk to the hospital administration about the possibility of my coming back to work. I didn't know whether they'd be willing to make accommodations for my new limitations or if they'd tell me I'd have to train for a new career. I'd only wanted to be a nurse for as long as I could remember. How could I even consider doing another kind of work?

✽✽✽

I sighed as I began to sort the different sizes of needles and tubing into their appropriate compartments in the medical supply area. I knew that I was fortunate to have been able to come back to work at the hospital at all, but I missed the bustle and excitement of the emergency room and the interactions with the patients very much.

To my consternation, a piece of tubing tumbled from its compartment and headed for the floor. Automatically I reached for it and caught it just in time. At the same instant, I saw my leg swing out.

I couldn't believe it! I stared at my leg for a few minutes to see if it would happen again. It didn't. Disappointed, I returned to the task at hand.

"Hey there, beautiful lady!" I turned to see Mischa grinning at me. Since we'd returned from New York, he'd practically lived with me and the kids, returning to his own home only to shower and to sleep.

"Hey, good-looking man!" I replied.

"Ready for lunch?"

"Am I ever!"

He pushed me to the cafeteria. I could have gotten there by myself easily, but I indulged Mischa's longing to be chivalrous at every opportunity.

"So how has your morning been?" he asked me.

"Slow," I said. "I miss my old job so much!"

"I know." He placed a gentle hand over mine. "But look at it this way. At least you're still supporting your children and making a contribution to society. A lot of people in your position would have just given up."

I didn't say anything.

"What's on your mind, Tracy?"

I smiled mysteriously.

"Come on, Trace. What is it?"

"It might be nothing at all," I replied. "Or it might be something."

"Won't you tell me what it is?" He gave me his best puppy-dog look. "Pretty please?"

"I wish I could." I sighed. "But I don't want to get my...and your...hopes up, just in case it's not anything, after all."

"So when are you gonna find out for sure?"

"Soon, hopefully."

✽✽✽

"The fact that your leg moved of its own accord is a good sign," Dr. Bailey told me. "It indicates that the damaged nerves are mending and are getting messages through to the muscles again. It's still too soon to predict how complete your recovery will be, and I can't promise you'll ever walk again without assistance, but this is still good news. Very good news."

That night I was lying in bed when I felt my toes wiggle. It startled me and even frightened me a little, as I hadn't felt my toes at all since before the accident. I switched on the bedside lamp and uncovered my legs and feet and just sat there and wiggled my toes and giggled.

I resumed physical therapy a few days later. The muscles in my legs and feet were stiff and sore from weeks of not being used, and my first few steps were difficult and painful, but I progressed well and was soon walking back and forth holding onto the bars with ease.

I had a surprise for Mischa when he came to pick me up for our date that Friday night. I answered the door sitting in my wheelchair as I normally did.

"Hey, sweetie!" He gave me his usual big grin. "Ready to go?"

"Almost." I grinned. "I have a surprise for you first."

I rolled the wheelchair to the corner where I'd discreetly left my crutches. My eyes never left his face as I stood up, reached for the crutches, and walked back to him using them. His eyes grew wide with delight as he laughed and picked me up and swung me around.

"I knew you'd walk again, Tracy!" He sat me back down on my feet and gazed into my eyes in ecstasy. "I knew it!"

"That day in the cafeteria, when I told you I didn't want to get my hopes up in case it turned out to be nothing," I told him. "My leg had just moved for the first time that morning. I didn't feel it, but I saw it. A few days later, I felt my toes wiggling while I was in bed. Not too long after that, I started physical therapy. I didn't say anything to you about it because I wanted it to be a surprise."

"And a most wonderful one it was!" he exclaimed. "Let's go out and celebrate! Um...do you think we'll need to bring the wheelchair along for just in case?"

"It's only dinner and a movie," I pointed out. "I'll be fine!"

"If I'd known beforehand, I would have made reservations at a much fancier place," he said apologetically as he drove to the seafood place we liked best.

"Oh, that's all right!" I replied. "I'm just so happy to be able to walk along beside you again that I don't care where we go to eat!"

Dinner was delicious, and the movie he took me to was very romantic. On my crutches I was able to keep up with him just fine. I never faltered, and he never had to slow down for me.

Back at my place, I invited him in for drinks as I usually did. As we sat on the sofa talking, we began to kiss passionately, and we were soon both very turned on. He picked me up and carried me to my bed.

"How much sensation do you have now?" he asked.

"It's almost one hundred percent back to normal," I told him.

"Great!" he enthused. We continued to kiss as one article of clothing after another was slowly removed. Soon we were both wearing only our underwear. Automatically I reached for the waistband of his underpants, but he shook his head.

"You've certainly done me a lot," he said. "Now it's your turn."

He kissed me all the way down to my panties, then gently removed them. I parted my legs wide for him, and he gently separated my folds as he ran the tip of his tongue all the way up to my most sensitive spot, which was swollen and eager for his touch. Waves of pleasure washed over me as I came almost immediately. Far from finished, he inserted several fingers way up inside me so that he could hit my G spot, which greatly intensified the sensation.

"You like that, don't you?" he chuckled.

I could only nod as the tears flowed down my cheeks.

"That was just the beginning." Quickly he slipped off his underwear and slipped on a condom, and then he entered me and we made love for the first time. At the same time, he used his fingers to stimulate me, making sure that I came again before he did. Afterwards, he lay beside me and we cuddled. "Was it worth the wait?" he asked me.

"It was for me," I replied. "Was it for you?"

"Absolutely!" He pulled me even closer and kissed the top of my head. "I swear to you, Tracy, I'm going to make up for all lost time."

"It wasn't your fault," I said.

Lightly his finger traced my cheek. "Even so, I will. You deserve it."

Chapter 12

I

n the arms of the man I loved, I drifted into a peaceful sleep. I awakened the following morning to look up into his smiling face. "Good morning, beautiful lady," he said.

"Good morning," I replied. "It's so nice to wake up and find you in my bed. It reminds me of being on vacation in New York."

"Me too," he replied. I stretched luxuriously as his fingers moved deliciously up and down my back. "It would be great to wake up like this every morning, wouldn't it?"

"That would be heaven!" I agreed.

He grinned. "Who knows? It just might happen some day."

"Mm. I don't want to get up." I closed my eyes and cuddled closer to him.

He laughed gently. "So don't. There's no hurry."

We lounged in bed for most of the morning, until I finally got up and reached for my crutches.

"Hey, where are you going?" asked Mischa.

"Well, aren't you hungry?"

"Oh, no, you don't." He reached for my crutches and took them from me. "I'm doing breakfast. You're going to relax in bed and let me serve you."

I happily acquiesced, and he helped me back into bed. He cooked bacon, eggs, and pancakes for us both.

"This is better than a restaurant!" I exclaimed. "I didn't know you could cook!"

He winked at me. "It's one of my many talents." I giggled.

After breakfast, we went to my parents' to pick up the kids. "Hey, Mischa!" Sage yelled when he saw Mischa.

"Hey there, cowboy!" Mischa lifted him high into the air, which made him giggle.

"Mischa!" Meadow exclaimed.

"Hey there, princess." Mischa picked her up gently and kissed her cheek.

"Are you taking us somewhere, Mischa?" asked Sage.

Mischa winked at him. "Wait and see."

He took us to the pizza parlor that had the video games and the ball pit with the tubes and slides and the indoor Ferris wheel. Sage had a blast in the ball pit while Meadow wanted to ride the Ferris wheel over and over again. After that, we went to the park, where Sage immediately made a bee line for the slides.

"Swing! Swing!" Meadow cried, jumping up and down.

"In just a minute," Mischa told her. "I have something very important to ask your mother first." He led me to the open area where the picnic tables were, then dropped to one knee as he took a small box from his pocket, which he opened to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. "Tracy Diane Bradley, will you marry me?"

My heart pounded with joy. "Of course I will! When do you want to do it?"

"Whenever you want!" he exclaimed as he slipped the ring onto my finger. "The sooner, the better!"

"How about Valentine's Day?" I suggested. "That sounds romantic!"

"Sounds great to me!" he agreed. He scooped Meadow up and carried her to the baby swings. She squealed with delight as he put her into one of them and started pushing her.

Just then, an obviously pregnant Tina walked past with Debbie and her daughter, Skylar. They saw me at the same time I saw them. Debbie gasped in surprise, but Tina gave a smug grin. I looked at Mischa to see if he'd seen them too. His face was completely drained of blood, so I knew that he had.

✽✽✽

The jovial mood we'd been in all day instantly vanished. We stayed at the park until the kids got tired, then took them home for a nap. After I'd gotten Meadow settled down, I went into the living room to see Mischa staring forlornly at the wall. I sat beside him, and he reached for my hand.

"Of all the people we could have run into, why did it have to be her?" I groaned.

"I'm so sorry, Trace," he said.

"Everything was going so great until that had to happen," I complained.

"I know." He sighed. "I can't undo the past, Tracy, but I promise you, it'll never happen again." He lifted my chin, looked into my eyes, and gave me a hopeful smile. After a moment's hesitation, I smiled back.

"So," he said. "Now that the kids are asleep, what do you want to do?"

"Do you have any ideas?"

"I've got a great one. How about we take a nap ourselves?"

I yawned. "That does sound like a great idea!" We curled up together on my bed and were both soon fast asleep. It was near dinnertime when we awakened. Mischa offered to do dinner for us instead of going back to his place.

"Are you gonna spend the night with us, Mischa?" asked Sage.

"I might as well, since I'm still here." Mischa laughed. "Actually, you and your sister are gonna be seeing a lot more of me from now on."

"Why?" asked Sage.

Mischa took my left hand into his own and showed it to my son. "See this ring? I gave it to your Mom today when I asked her to marry me and she said yes."

Sage's eyes grew round. "So you and my Mommy are gonna get married?"

"That's right!" I told him.

"So you're gonna be my new Daddy?"

Mischa grinned. "I sure am!"

"Hurray!" Sage shouted, jumping around. Meadow was too young to understand, of course, but she whooped with joy and jumped around with him.

Mischa made spaghetti for dinner. I helped him clean up, and then we all watched 'Aladdin' together and I gave the kids their baths.

"Will you read me a bedtime story, Mischa?" Sage asked when bedtime came.

"Sure," Mischa replied. "What story do you want?"

Sage chose 'The Giving Tree.' Mischa held one child on each knee as he read the story, and I sat beside them looking on.

"That's a rather sad story," Mischa remarked to me later after the kids had gone to sleep.

"It is," I agreed. "But it's also a beautiful illustration of friendship, don't you think?"

"I suppose." He wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my neck. "But now I'm ready for you to cheer me up, which you're excellent at."

✽✽✽

Mischa and I both had to work the following day, but we didn't have to go in until the afternoon, so we had time to snuggle in bed that morning, talking about our future together.

"I might as well finish moving in," he chuckled. "I'm about ninety percent moved in, anyway."

"I was thinking maybe we could find a bigger place," I suggested. "Neither your place nor mine is really big enough for four people."

"I've been thinking the same thing," he agreed. "Especially considering that we might want to add to the family soon."

I frowned. "How soon? Meadow isn't even two yet!"

He laughed. "I didn't mean that soon!" He turned serious. "But you do want to have my baby some day, don't you?"

"I'd love to have a baby with you, Mischa," I told him. "I'd just like to wait at least until Meadow's finished potty training first."

Just then, Sage burst into the bedroom and ran and jumped onto the bed. "Let's go see what Miss Meadow's up to, shall we?" Mischa continued.

We all went into Meadow's room to see her jumping up and down excitedly in her crib. Mischa picked her up and kissed her cheek. "Good morning, Princess!"

By now I was able to get around without braces and crutches. I went to the kitchen and made pancakes for everyone, and later, after cleaning up, I called Mom to tell her the good news.

"Mischa proposed to me last night," I told her. "And I accepted!"

"That's wonderful!" she exclaimed. "Mischa's a good man, and I know he'll take good care of you and the children. I can't wait to tell your father. He'll be thrilled!"

After I finished talking to Mom, Mischa called his mother to tell her. He spoke to her in Russian. "Would you like to say hello to her?" he asked me when they were finished talking.

"How well does she know English?" I asked.

"Very well," he told me. "She used to be an English teacher."

"What do I call her?"

"Alena is fine."

"Hi, Alena," I said a bit shyly over the telephone.

"Hello, milaya," said Alena. Her voice was lovely, with only the slightest Russian accent. "Mischa has told us so much about you. I can't wait to meet you!"

"I can't wait to meet you, either!" I told her. "I hope you can make it to the wedding!"

"I wouldn't miss it for anything!" she told me. "I'm so happy my Mischa has finally found a good woman who will treat him right. I'd just about given up on that ever happening." We talked for a few more minutes before I gave the receiver back to Mischa.

"She sounds so nice!" I told him.

"You're going to love her," he replied.

When I got to the hospital, I couldn't wait to tell all my co-workers about my engagement. They were all very nice to me, hugging and congratulating me and asking when the date would be. All but one.

I was just about to leave for the day when someone stepped right in my path and I looked up to see Debbie glaring at me. "I hear wedding bells are in the air," she hissed.

"Leave me alone, Debbie," I muttered.

"Wait till I tell Tina," she continued. "She's gonna be thrilled to hear her baby daddy's getting hitched."

An image of Tina's pregnant belly swam before my eyes, and tears were in my eyes as I walked to my car.

The next time I went to work, I saw that someone had left a wedding bouquet made of dead, wilted flowers at my work station.

✽✽✽

Mischa had to work the following Friday night, so Lisa and I had a girl's night out. We went to the same club where I'd seen Mischa dancing with Tina before.

"Mischa popped the question," I told her. "And I said yes!"

"Wow, Tracy, that is so cool!" Lisa replied. "Wait till I tell Chris! Who knows? Maybe he'll want to make it a double wedding!"

That was something I hadn't even thought of. Even though Lisa was my best friend, would I really want to share my special day with her?

Lisa must have read my thoughts, because she suddenly looked a bit hurt. "That would be OK with you, wouldn't it?"

"I'd have to run it past Mischa first, but I don't see why he'd mind," I told her.

"Good!" she said. "Say, how are the kids taking it?"

"Meadow's too young to understand, of course, but Sage is all for it," I told her. "I also talked to his Mom on the telephone for the first time."

"Neat! What does she sound like?"

"She speaks English really well, just like Mischa does. She only has the slightest hint of a Russian accent. She says she's coming for the wedding."

"When's it gonna be?"

"Valentine's day."

"Gosh, how romantic!"

That night as I lay in bed, I imagined that Mischa was holding me in his arms. He and I both worked a long shift the following day, so we were able to eat lunch together. "I told Lisa about our engagement," I said. "She wants to make it a double wedding with her and Chris."

"So they're engaged now as well?"

"Well...not exactly. She's hoping that when she tells him about us being engaged, he'll propose to her too."

Mischa laughed. "Isn't that being a bit presumptuous?"

I shrugged. "I suppose so, but I promised I'd ask you if it would be all right."

His eyes twinkled. "Let's wait and see whether he actually proposes first, shall we?"

I didn't tell him about the confrontation with Debbie or the dead flowers. I really hoped that that would all blow over soon.

Chapter 13

L

isa called me several days later, in tears. "I told Chris about you guys getting engaged," she sobbed.

"And?"

"And all he said was 'that's nice'!"

"Well, what did you expect him to say?"

"Tracy! You know I was hoping he'd suggest we make it a double wedding!"

"Well, he can't read your mind, Lisa," I said patiently. "Sometimes it takes more than a subtle hint to tell someone what's on your mind."

"I can't propose to him!" she exclaimed.

"Why not?" I asked. "It isn't the nineteen fifties anymore."

"You really think it would be all right?" she asked.

"Sure! Why not?"

The next time Mischa picked me up to take me out to dinner, he was all excited and carrying the classified section of the newspaper. I saw that he'd circled several ads in red. "I called about this one," he told me. "Three bedrooms, two baths. Sounds perfect, doesn't it? I told them we'd look at it tomorrow."

"You are spending the night tonight, right?" I asked him.

"Sure, if you want me to. I was hoping you would."

"We'll go right after we pick the kids up after breakfast, then."

He took me to our favorite restaurant and then to a romantic movie. Then we went back home and made love, and I fell asleep with Mischa's arms around me.

The following morning, he made pancakes for breakfast and then we went to my parents' to pick up the kids. "Where are we going today, Mommy?" Sage asked when he saw me.

"To look at a house," I told him. "Since Mischa and I are getting married in a few weeks, we need a bigger place to live."

"Do I get to take all my stuff when we move?" He sounded worried.

I laughed. "I don't know about all your stuff, but you can take the stuff that's most important to you."

"My Shining Time Station trains?"

"Definitely those."

The house turned out to be red brick and in a quiet neighborhood. We pulled into the driveway beside the realtor, who unlocked the door for us.

"Wow!" I gasped when I saw the living room. It had a plush carpet, the walls were white, and in one corner was a charming fireplace with a mantel above it. Right next to the living room was a charming little kitchen with a tile floor. The walls were painted yellow, and there was a sink against the far wall, a stove in the opposite corner, and a refrigerator across from the sink. I could easily imagine myself standing there doing dishes and looking out the window at the back yard, which had one large tree and several small bushes. "We could put up a swing set for the kids back there," I told Mischa, and he agreed.

The realtor led us down the hallway to show us the rest of the house. The two smaller bedrooms were on the left, and the utility room, larger bathroom, and master bedroom were on the right. The smaller bathroom was attached to the master bedroom in the back.

"Well, what do you think?" Mischa asked me when we were finished looking at the house.

"I love it!" I told him.

"There's only one problem," he told me. "The down payment. I had most of what I'd need saved up, but it's gone now."

"What happened to it?"

"I spent it on our trip to New York City to see the Bolshoi Ballet," he said sheepishly. "But it was worth it," he added quickly. "If I had to do it over again, I would in a heartbeat."

"Well, maybe we could take out a loan," I suggested.

"I'd hate to start our new life together in that kind of debt, with all the interest we'd have to pay back and all," Mischa said. "I'll ask my Dad for a loan. I wouldn't have to pay him back interest."

"Maybe you could borrow half from your Dad, and I could borrow half from mine," I suggested.

"Great idea!" he exclaimed.

We went back to the pizza parlor with the video games for lunch, then hung out at the mall for a couple of hours. Mischa bought us ice cream at the ice cream parlor and toys for the kids at the dollar store. In the video store, he bought a video but wouldn't show me what it was. "It's a surprise," he told me.

For dinner I made fried chicken and baked potatoes for myself and Mischa and chicken nuggets and fries for the kids. Later I put in 'The Lion King' for Sage and Meadow to watch and then got them settled for the night. Mischa read Sage's bedtime story to him again, then took the video he'd bought that day from its wrapper and put it into the VCR.

I squealed with delight when I saw that it was 'Ghost' starring Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore. "This is one of my favorite movies of all time!" I exclaimed.

"I know." He grinned. "I remember your talking about it."

He put his arms around me, and we cuddled together and watched the movie. I had to hide my face in the front of his shirt during the scary parts where the demons came to carry the souls of the dead murderers away. Mischa laughed as he hugged me more tightly and kissed the top of my head.

"I never can watch this part," I told him.

"It is pretty scary," he agreed. "But you have to remember, it's make believe."

"I know," I told him. "I'm just glad I'm watching this with you instead of by myself."

"So am I."

The next day, I called my parents and told them about the house. Mom asked about the down payment, and to my surprise, Dad offered to loan me the money before I could even ask. I thanked him and told him that Mischa was going to ask his Dad to loan him half the money. He told me to let him know what Mr. Pushkin said.

Everything seemed to be going so well until several days later, when Lisa showed up on my doorstep, sobbing her heart out.

✽✽✽

"Hey! What's wrong, girl?" I asked, pulling my best friend inside.

"It's C-Chris," she stammered.

"Did you ask him to marry you?" I asked.

She nodded.

"And what did he say?"

"H-he said that he isn't ready to get married," she sobbed.

"Well, maybe just not right now," I said, trying to make her feel better.

"Th-that's not all," she continued. "H-he says that he thinks we're getting too serious and maybe we should start seeing other people."

"Well, at least he's being honest with you about it," I pointed out, remembering the whole episode with Mischa and Tina. Although I'd forgiven him and it was all water under the bridge now, it still hurt just a little to think about it.

"But I don't want to see anybody else! The only one I want to be with is Chris!"

"Well, if he isn't ready to commit, there isn't really anything you can do about it," I said. "I know it hurts really bad right now, but it'll get better over time."

She stayed for several hours, and by the time she left, I'd gotten her feeling just a little bit better. Mischa called right after she left. "Hey, babe! How's it going?"

"Lisa just came over all upset," I told him. "Chris turned down her marriage proposal and told her he thinks they should see other people."

"Oh no!" he exclaimed. "So she's taking it pretty hard, I guess."

"Yeah. She really loves him," I replied. "I sure hope she's gonna be all right."

"I'm sure she will be, over time," he assured me.

The next time I went to work, I was met with another surprise. "Mitzi! You work here now?" I asked. Mitzi was a friend of mine from high school. We'd always gotten along fine, but I'd disapproved of the way she treated guys. Her romantic relationships had all been very short term. She'd string guys along, taking what she wanted from them and then dropping them like a hot potato when the next guy came along. She'd always been perfectly nice to me, however, so I'd always been on good terms with her.

"Yep," she told me. "Just started today. I moved to California for awhile and then came back."

"Wow, it's been awhile!" I exclaimed. I hadn't seen her since we'd graduated high school.

"It sure has," she agreed. "So are you married now?"

"I was, but he was killed in an accident a couple of years ago," I told her. "I have two kids. Sage is four, and Meadow's a year and a half." Knowing her history with men, I wouldn't have dared to tell her about Mischa. Not yet, anyway. Not that I didn't trust him; I was sure he'd learned his lesson after the incident with Tina. It was her I didn't trust.

"Meadow. What a pretty name!" she exclaimed. "Unique, too."

"I've always loved nature names," I told her. "Her middle name's Lake. Sage's is Forrest. Do you have any kids?"

"Nah." She laughed. "I was never with the same guy long enough for that to happen."

All it really takes is one time of being together, I thought bitterly, suddenly reminded of Tina's swollen abdomen.

As it turned out, I didn't really have long to contemplate the significance of Mitzi's being back in my life, as Mischa's family soon flew in for the wedding. "This is my parents, Ivan and Alena," he told me. "And this is my fiancee, Tracy, and her children, Sage and Meadow."

"It's lovely to finally meet you, milaya." Alena hugged me and kissed my cheek. She had Mischa's eyes and resembled him strongly. Ivan was taller and had salt-and-pepper hair. I could see faint resemblances to Mischa in his face.

"Hello," he said, shaking my hand.

"My sisters, Karolina, Sonja, and Viktoria," Mischa continued.

"And these are my children, Paul and Zoya," Karolina told me. Paul looked to be about ten and was tall with dark hair. Karolina held the infant Zoya in her arms.

To my surprise, there was also another guest who wasn't a family member. "This is Ivan," Mischa told me. "He's been my best friend since we were four years old."

Ivan was about Mischa's height and had brown hair and eyes. "It's a pleasure to meet you," he told me, his voice sounding unbelievably smooth and rich.

"It's great to meet you, too!" I said, immediately thinking of Lisa.

"I simply couldn't miss seeing my oldest and best friend get married," Ivan continued. "I only wish that I could perform the ceremony myself." I gasped, shocked.

"Ivan's preparing to become a Russian Orthodox priest," Mischa told me. "He only has about a year or so to go before he's ordained."

"Wow!" was all I could say.

✽✽✽

"Want to go to lunch?" Mitzi asked me at work the following day. Up until then I'd been lucky at quietly sneaking away to join Mischa for lunch without her seeing me. I still hadn't told her about Mischa. I should have known my luck would eventually run out.

"Um...I'm working through lunch today," I mumbled.

Just then Mischa arrived, accompanied by Ivan, Karolina, Sonja, and Viktoria. "I wanted to show everyone around the hospital," Mischa explained. "Ready to go to lunch?"

Embarrassed at having been caught out in my lie, I turned to see that Mitzi was still standing there. There was no way I could possibly exclude her without coming across as terribly rude. "This is Mitzi," I told Mischa and the others. "Mitzi, this is my fiance Mischa, his sisters Karolina, Sonja, and Viktoria, and his friend Ivan."

Mitzi greeted and shook hands with everyone. I felt a mixture of relief and shock when I saw the look that passed between her and Ivan.

∞∞∞

I really hit it off with Karolina right away, I suppose because we were both single mothers of an older son and younger daughter. "Your kids are a lot further apart in age than mine are," I remarked.

"Their Dad's in the Russian army," she told me. "We see each other only rarely. It's always been that way."

"I admire you," I replied. "I don't think I'd be able to maintain a long-distance relationship like that."

"It works for us," she said.

While chatting with Karolina, I cast surreptitious glances in the direction of Ivan and Mitzi ever so often. They'd seemed to have really hit it off and were chatting animatedly together.

The lunch hour passed quickly, and Mischa left with his family while I returned to work. I couldn't get Ivan and Mitzi off my mind, however, and I talked to Mischa about it the next time I got the chance.

"Ivan and Mitzi seem to really like each other," I remarked.

"So I noticed," he replied.

"I think you should warn him about her," I continued. "She's a heart breaker. She uses men, and then once she gets what she wants, she just throws them away. I'd hate to see your friend get hurt."

"How long have you known her?" he asked.

"I knew her all the way through middle and high school, but I haven't seen her since we graduated."

"High school was a long time ago, Trace," he replied. "Maybe she's changed."

"I doubt it," I said. "She went out to California with some guy and that didn't work out so she came back."

"Well, you never know." He winked at me. "People do change sometimes."

Chapter 14

A

t last our wedding day arrived. I was very excited as I put on my wedding gown and veil. "Wow, this is really it!" I said to myself. "Tomorrow at this time, I'll be Mrs. Mikhail Ivanovich Pushkin!"

The kids were excited as well, jumping and dancing around energetically. We had to keep telling Sage to quit jumping on the sofa, and Meadow flitted from one toy to another, playing with each for less than five minutes.

"When I first met Mischa, I never dreamed he'd be my brother some day," Adam remarked. Tall and handsome in a grey pin-striped suit, it wouldn't be long at all until he'd captured the heart of some girl, I imagined.

At last it was time to leave for the church. There were so many of us that we had to take separate cars. I rode in the front beside Mom with both kids in the back, while Dad and Adam rode together in a different car. I'd dressed Sage in a cute little two-piece navy blue suit and had even found a matching tie to go with it. Meadow wore a light pink dress with lace and ruffles, light pink panty hose, and black patent leather shoes. I'd also put two pink bows in her hair.

"You two are just the most gorgeous kids in the world!" I told them before we all got into the car. When we finally arrived at the church, my main concern was making sure Meadow didn't get her dress dirty.

About a half hour later, I was walking down the aisle on Dad's arm toward a beaming Mischa. In his tuxedo, he looked more handsome to me than ever, but what I wanted to do more than anything else at that moment was to rip every inch of clothing off his body and make passionate love to him.

Finally reaching the altar, I took my place beside him and looked into his eyes, which were shining with joy. A moment later, the ceremony began.

Mischa and I had written our own vows. He went first. "When I first met you, Tracy, I fell for you right away. I knew that I couldn't stay, so I enjoyed the brief time we had together and then returned to my home knowing that I would always treasure the memory of that special time. Little did I realize that I'd eventually be able to come back and stay."

"The next time I saw you, I could hardly believe you were the same girl I'd left behind ten years previously. In that time, you'd blossomed into a beautiful, graceful woman with ever so much going for you. I couldn't believe my luck at first. Then I got scared and yielded to temptation, but your generous heart forgave me and welcomed me back into your life. Ever since then we've become closer and closer, and it didn't take me long to realize that you're the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. Tracy Diane Bradley, I promise to love, honor, and cherish you for the rest of my life."

My turn was next. "I fell in love with you the very first time I saw you, Mischa. I was disappointed that you had to go back home, but in the back of my mind I always hoped that I'd see you again someday. After a disastrous first marriage, I hardly dared to hope that I'd have a second chance for happiness. When you were suddenly back in my life again, I thought it was too good to be true. Then I thought I'd lost you, but in the end you came back. All the way through the long recuperation after a serious injury, you were right there with me, helping me, supporting me, loving me. Mikhail Ivanovich Pushkin, I promise to love, honor, and cherish you for the rest of my life."

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," said the minister. "You may kiss the bride." As Mischa lifted my veil and kissed my lips, I knew that my fondest dream had just come true.

A moment later I saw her, sitting in one of the back pews. My mouth dropped open first in shock, then in fury. How dare she crash my wedding!

✽✽✽

All our friends and relatives came forward to congratulate us, and she disappeared in the crowd. I was so busy hugging people that I temporarily forgot about her until later on, when I saw her standing alone at the reception. I dashed up to her and grabbed her arm, digging my fingernails into her skin. "Just what the hell makes you think you're welcome here today?" I hissed.

She shrugged. "You put a notice up on the bulletin board in the break room inviting all hospital employees to your wedding," she said innocently. "Well, I'm a hospital employee."

"What's going on?" Mischa was right behind me, puzzled.

"I can't believe this!" I exclaimed.

"Who is she?" asked Mischa.

"I'm Debbie Jensen, one of your new wife's co-workers." Debbie smiled and shook Mischa's hand. "Pleased to meet you."

"Why don't you tell him about the dead flowers you left at my work station?" I spat.

"Some people can't even take a joke!" she huffed.

"Dead flowers?" Mischa was bewildered. "I don't understand!"

I pulled him aside. "She's Tina's friend!" I whispered. "She was in on what Tina did to you!" The man who'd attacked Mischa had been convicted of assault and battery and sentenced to several years in prison, but there had never been any proof to link either Tina or Debbie to the incident, and he hadn't ratted them out.

Now Mischa paled at my news. "No wonder you were so upset!"

"Aren't you?"

"Well, it is our wedding day. We can't let her spoil it," he pointed out. "Let's just hope she doesn't cause any more trouble."

On the way to the motel, I did start to relax a little. "We really did it!" I exclaimed. "We're husband and wife now!"

"For the rest of our lives," Mischa agreed, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze.

Arriving at our motel room at last, I was more than eager to begin exploring my fantasies. We were hardly inside the door before I was kneeling before him and tugging his zipper down.

"Wow, Trace," he gasped in surprise, which quickly became moans of pleasure as I used my lips, tongue, and fingers to bring him to release.

"Come here, you naughty girl," he growled. He picked me up, and I clung to him, wrapping my legs around his waist. He carried me to the bed and gently lay me back on it, hiking my skirt up and then peeling off my pantyhose and underwear.

"I see you're all wet and ready for me," he observed as he began to lightly finger my slick folds. I moaned and writhed, grinding against him, eager to feel his hot breath and wet tongue stimulating my most sensitive areas. "Do you want something?" he teased.

"Yes! Please!" I gasped.

He chuckled as he knelt between my legs, and then he was there, fondling and licking me just as I'd imagined. I cried out as I felt my first orgasm wash over me. Hastily we both peeled off all our remaining clothing, and then he was inside me and we were one.

✽✽✽

Much later we lay in one another's arms, exhausted and spent. "I'd say we've just gotten our marriage off to a great start!" Mischa exclaimed.

"I'd say you're absolutely right!" I agreed.

"I love you so much, Tracy," he murmured as he stroked my hair.

"I love you, too," I told him.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"Sex makes me hungry!"

I giggled, suddenly realizing that I was famished as well.

We both dressed in extra nice casual clothing and he took me to the nicest restaurant in town. Since we'd just been to New York City and made the down payment on the house, we'd decided to simply honeymoon in an adjacent town so that we wouldn't have to spend as much.

It was my first time visiting the restaurant, and it was very fancy. The entrance was dominated by a waterfall, and just past that were large aquariums with all variety of fish inside.

Our waitress led us to our seats and handed us menus. "Everything is so expensive!" I gasped.

Mischa chuckled. "Order whatever you want. You're worth it."

Feeling just a little guilty, I placed my order and, while waiting for it to arrive, glanced around myself in wonder. It was by far the nicest restaurant I'd ever eaten in. As a single mother, it had always been well outside my price range. I knew that it must have been something of a sacrifice for Mischa to take me here, and it made me love him even more.

Dinner was delicious. I had boiled lobster with butter and fried shrimp and oysters, and Mischa had steak. I ate every bit of my meal, and Mischa asked me if I wanted dessert.

"Are you serious?" I asked, aware of the small fortune he'd paid for our meals.

"Of course!" he said. "It's our special day. Let's celebrate!"

I ordered key lime pie and he had chocolate cake, and afterwards we went for a moonlight stroll hand in hand. "Just think," I said. "A year ago today, I had no idea I'd ever even see you again."

"Life sure is full of surprises, isn't it," Mischa agreed.

When we got back to the motel, I called my parents to make sure that the kids were OK. "They're fine," Mom assured me. "Sage was so tired he even went to sleep without a bedtime story."

"That's a first for him," I replied, knowing how much my son loved to be read to.

We talked for a few minutes more, and I told her to give them hugs and kisses from me. "Are they all right?" asked Mischa when I got off the telephone.

"They're fine," I told him.

We made love again, then sat up in bed watching television together for awhile before falling asleep in one another's arms. I was so happy that I felt as if nothing bad could ever happen again.

✽✽✽

It was almost eleven by the time we awakened that morning. We both opened our eyes at about the same time. "Well, good morning, Mrs. Pushkin," Mischa said with a smile.

"Good morning yourself, Mr. Pushkin," I replied.

"Hungry?" he asked me.

"Not for food." Lightly my hand traced the length of his body until it encountered the stiffness of his erection. He needed no further encouragement as our bodies came together as one once more. Afterwards we lay drowsily content in one another's arms.

"Well, we might as well take advantage of that free breakfast bar before all the food's gone," Mischa said after awhile. By the time we'd dressed and reached the lobby, nothing was left but some congealed scrambled eggs and bagels that were as hard as rocks, but we didn't care. We made a game of playing catch with the bagels, tossing and ducking and running around until the motel employees started glaring at us.

After that we went ice skating for a couple of hours. Mischa was much better at it than I was. "You must have been born knowing how to skate," I told him.

"Almost." He chuckled. "I first started learning when I was four years old. Mom had her heart set on my making it to the Olympics. I almost did."

"Wow, really?"

"Really. I made it all the way to the semi finals."

"You must have been really disappointed."

"Mom was really disappointed. To be honest, I was more relieved. I was incredibly shy when I was younger and was terrified of performing before an audience."

We ate a couple of slices of pizza at the skating rink, played video games for awhile, and then went to see a movie. After that, we had a romantic candlelight dinner in a cozy little restaurant that had a violinist.

"Are you enjoying yourself so far?" Mischa asked me as we were waiting for our food to arrive.

"Immensely," I replied. "Are you?"

"I'm having the time of my life!" he exclaimed. "I wish it never had to end."

"So do I," I told him.

After dinner he took me dancing until about four in the morning, and then we went back to the motel. I was so exhausted that I was asleep almost before my head hit the pillow. We slept in until almost noon the following day, had a quick breakfast, and then drove to my parents'.

Sage and Meadow came running as soon as we entered the house. "Mommy! Mommy!" Sage cried as he raced into my arms.

"Da!" cried Meadow as she ran to Mischa. That was her special name for him. "That means 'yes' in my language," he told her as he picked her up and hugged her. "Did you know that?"

✽✽✽

Moving all our stuff into our new house turned out to be a huge job. I had way more stuff to pack up than Mischa did, of course, so after he was finished packing, he stopped by to help me. "You never really realize how much stuff you own until you have to pack it all up and move!" I remarked.

"Tell me about it!" he laughed.

Dad had loaned us his truck for moving the big, heavy stuff. We loaded the sofa, recliner, beds, table, and chairs into the back and piled boxes of smaller stuff all around them. We made what seemed like endless trips back and forth between the two homes, and when we had finally gotten everything moved, it was almost dark and there were boxes sitting all over the place.

"I'm exhausted!" I groaned, yawning and stretching. Mischa hugged me and rubbed my back.

"I'll order pizza," he offered. We sat on the bare floor in the kitchen to eat it and then got busily back to work once more. By nightfall we had the furniture in place, and I drove around to my parents' to pick the kids up. "We're spending the night in our new house tonight," I told them.

"Yippee!" Sage exclaimed, and Meadow chortled with glee. However, my son's expression quickly changed to one of confusion as soon as he'd entered the house and looked around.

"This doesn't look like a regular house!" he complained. "Nothin's where it's s'posed to be. Everything's just sittin' around in boxes!"

"That's because we haven't finished unpacking yet," I told him. "Once everything's unpacked, it'll look like a regular house."

I got the kids ready for bed, and Mischa read them a bedtime story. We'd been asleep for a couple of hours when we were awakened by Sage's screaming. Mischa and I both dashed to his bedroom right away.

I switched on the light to see my son sitting up in bed with a terrified expression on his face. "There was a monster and it was chasing me!" he cried.

I sat beside him on the bed and took him into my arms and comforted him. "It was only a dream," I told him. "It's all right. You're safe. I'm here." I gently rocked him in my arms and softly sang to him until he was asleep again, then gently laid him back down on the bed and returned to my own bedroom.

"When I was a little boy, I used to have bad dreams about Baba Yaga," Mischa told me. "Mom would hold me and comfort me just like you did with Sage and tell me that Baba Yaga wasn't real, that she was only make believe and that I was safe."

"Who's Baba Yaga?" I asked.

"She's a scary old woman who flies around in a bowl," Mischa told me.

"A bowl?" I giggled. "Whatever happened to a broomstick?"

He laughed too. "Baba Yaga has a bowl, and a pestle," he told me. "When I was naughty, my Babushka, my grandmother, used to frighten me by saying that if I didn't behave, Baba Yaga would get me."

"In my family, it was the bogeyman." I laughed. "I guess every culture has its own figure to scare kids into being good."

He put his arms around me and held me close, and we both soon drifted back to sleep.

Chapter 15

W

hen I awakened the following morning, I didn't remember where I was at first. Then it hit me that I was lying in bed with Mischa in our own house that we were buying together. I looked at Mischa, and he smiled at me.

"Good morning," he said as he kissed the tip of my nose.

"Morning," I replied. "It's great to wake up together in our own house, isn't it!"

"Isn't it though!" he agreed. "And that's the way it's going to be from now on!"

"Mommy, I want to watch the Care Bears!" Sage called.

"In a minute, hon," I promised him. I got up and fixed breakfast for the kids and put a video in for them, then made breakfast for Mischa and myself.

After awhile we went to the airport to see Mischa's family off to Russia. Ivan was there with Mitzi. "I decided to stay here after all," he told us.

Mischa looked alarmed. "But what about your plans?" he asked his friend. "You're almost an Orthodox priest! Don't tell me you're going to just throw all that away for a fling!"

"I can still become an Orthodox priest right here," Ivan said evenly. "And what Mitzi and I have together is more than just a fling. I'm in love."

"So quickly?" Mischa asked skeptically.

"It doesn't take too long to realize it when it's the real thing," Ivan replied. Mischa and I exchanged glances, and he shook his head.

Karolina and I embraced and promised to stay in touch. I couldn't believe how close she and I had grown in the limited amount of time we'd spent together.

"Are you my new granny?" Sage asked Alena.

"I'd be happy to be your granny," she told him as she hugged and kissed him and his sister.

The next time I went to work, I confronted Mitzi about her relationship with Ivan. "He's been Mischa's best friend since they were little kids," I told her. "You'd better treat him right or you'll be sorry!"

"I'd never hurt Ivan," she assured me. "For the first time in my life, I'm really in love."

"Yeah, I'll bet," I muttered to myself.

✽✽✽

I called Lisa the first chance I got. "Tracy!" she exclaimed. "How are you, girl? How was the honeymoon?"

"It was nice," I told her. "We had dinner together and went ice skating and to a movie. How have you been?"

"I've been all right," she told me. "Chris and I have decided to be just friends for awhile. We're both gonna date other people and see what happens."

"Well, I'm glad you're OK with it now," I said.

"Yeah, well, after thinking about it, I decided that I did kind of rush into that thing with him," she replied. "I sure learned my lesson about that!"

"Well, I though you guys were really great together," I told her. "I personally hope you end up getting back together."

"It might well happen," she said. "Either way, I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it."

I remembered how devastated I'd been over Mischa's affair with Tina and was surprised at her cavalier attitude.

Not too long after that, I was working in the emergency room when a young man who looked vaguely familiar came in with an injured knee. "Tracy!" he exclaimed when he saw me. "Don't you remember me?"

I frowned. "Should I?"

"I'm Danny!" he continued.

"Danny? Oh my God, it's been ages! How are you?" Danny had been one of Adam's closest friends. He and their friend Jason had been with my brother when he'd met Mischa for the first time, but Danny's family had moved away several years later, and the boys had lost touch.

"I'm fine," Danny told me. "So you're still working as a nurse!"

"I have been for awhile now," I told him. "You'll never guess who else works here now!"

"Who?"

"Remember Mischa?"

"Of course I remember Mischa! So he's back in the United States now?"

I nodded. "He works as a security guard here. He saved me from being mugged in the parking lot last year. Not too long after that, we started dating and soon realized that we were in love. We got married on Valentine's Day."

Danny's mouth dropped open. "You're kidding! So you and Mischa are husband and wife now?"

I smiled. "That's right!"

"Wow, I never would have believed it!"

"So are you back here to stay?"

"If things work out. I'm looking for a job right now."

"Maybe Mischa could help you get on here at the hospital. I can't wait to tell him I saw you again. He'll be thrilled!"

"I'd love to see him again too. Is Jason still around?"

"Yeah, he's still around. He and Adam aren't that tight anymore, but they still see each other from time to time. Hey, maybe we could all get together sometime. Kind of like a reunion."

"That would be great!" Danny was so happy he'd forgotten about his injured knee and let out a yelp when he stood up on it.

Mischa and I worked the same shift that day, so we rode home together. "Guess who came into the emergency room today," I said to him. "Remember Danny?"

Mischa grinned. "Adam's friend? Of course I remember him! Is he all right?"

"Yeah, he just hurt his knee. Torn cartilage. He's back in town and looking for a job. I suggested that maybe you could help him get on at the hospital."

"Sure, I'll ask my boss if he has any openings."

"I was also thinking that maybe we could have him and Adam over for dinner sometime, and Jason too, if he can make it."

"Sure, that would be great..."

"Mischa, look out!"

But it was already too late. I cringed as I heard the soft 'thud' of the car striking the cat.

"Oh, no!" Mischa gasped. "What did I just hit?"

"A cat," I told him.

He pulled the car onto the side of the road, and we both got out and looked at the mass of black and white fur lying perfectly still in the middle of the road. At the same instant, a little girl of about nine or ten ran toward us. "Fluffy! Fluffy!" she called. "Hey, have either of you seen my...oh, no!" She spied the dead cat as well and began to cry.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry!" Mischa went to her and embraced her. "I didn't see him. He just came out of nowhere! I didn't have time to stop!"

"You killed my cat!" The girl backed away from Mischa and glared furiously at him.

"He didn't mean to kill your cat, sweetie." I went to the girl and embraced her as well. "It was an accident!"

She stood there silently, her arms crossed, still glaring at Mischa, who walked over to the dead cat and picked it up. "I'm so sorry," he repeated.

"Give him to me," the girl demanded. "I have to b-bury him."

"Would you like some help?" Mischa offered.

"Well...all right," the girl agreed grudgingly.

Mischa and I followed her to a small shed behind the house we were parked in front of. She opened the door and grabbed a shovel that was resting against the wall with several other tools, then led us to a spot in the back yard.

"Do you have anything to wrap him in?" asked Mischa.

"I'll get something." She dashed into the house and returned about twenty minutes later carrying a worn sheet and accompanied by a middle-aged woman, who gave us a questioning look.

"I'm Mischa, and this is my wife Tracy." Mischa smiled and extended his hand to her. "We're helping your daughter bury her cat."

"Oh...well, I'm Melanie Taylor, and my daughter's name is Brandy," the woman said.

"I'm awfully sorry about the cat," Mischa told Melanie. "He just darted right out in front of me and I didn't have time to stop. I'll be happy to buy you another cat, if you want."

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary," said Melanie.

"Aw, Mom!" Brandy protested.

Mischa gave Melanie a questioning look. "Well, all right, then," she consented.

"Great! I'll pick you up Saturday morning at ten and take you to the pet store, and you can pick out the one you want," Mischa told Brandy, who grinned.

"Do you have any kids?' she asked us.

"We have a four-year-old son named Sage and a year-and-a-half-old girl named Meadow," Mischa told her.

"Do you have any pictures of them?" Brandy's grief over Fluffy's unfortunate demise seemed to have been quickly forgotten. I took out a photograph of Sage and Meadow to show her.

"Oh, they're cute!" she exclaimed.

Quickly Mischa wrapped the dead cat in the sheet and buried it, and we were on our way. "Kids," he chuckled, shaking his head.

"I thought she was kind of cute," I said.

"Oh, she was. Definitely," he agreed.

Saturday morning we rose early, got the kids up and ready, and picked Brandy up and took her to the pet store, which had a large selection of kittens in various colors.

"I want that one!" Brandy cried, pointing to a kitten that was colored similarly to the cat she'd just lost. "I'm gonna name you Fluffy the Second," she announced when the kennel worker placed it in her arms.

"Can we have a kitten too, Mommy?" asked Sage.

Mischa and I exchanged glances. "You knew this was gonna happen," I told him.

"So I did." He smiled wryly. "Which one do you want, Sage?"

"That one!" Sage cried, pointing. About a half hour later, we were on our way with two kittens in the car. "Thanks a lot for Fluffy the Second," Brandy said to us as Mischa dropped her off at her house.

"No problem at all," Mischa replied. "Glad to do it."

✽✽✽

One night the following week, we had Adam, Danny, and Jason over for dinner. Danny was still on crutches, so Adam had to pick him up and bring him.

"Hey, bro!" Jason said, hugging him. "Long time, no see!"

"It has been awhile," Danny agreed. "It's great to see everyone again. Especially you, Mischa. I'm glad you were finally able to come back to the United States."

"Thanks," said Mischa. "It's nice to see you again as well, Danny."

"Tracy told me you work as a security guard at the hospital," said Danny. "So how long have you been back?"

"It's been several years now," Mischa replied.

"And what do you do now, Adam?" asked Danny.

"I'm a stock clerk at a supermarket," Adam told him.

"And what about you?" Danny asked Jason.

"I work at my Dad's body shop," Jason replied.

I'd made fajitas, and everyone complimented me on how good they were. Sage's kitten, which he'd named Whiskers, rubbed himself against everyone's legs, then cuddled up to Meadow, who promptly sneezed.

"She does that every time Whiskers comes near," I remarked.

"I hate to say it, but I think perhaps she's allergic," Mischa replied.

After dinner, we all sat around in the living room talking about old times. "So, is the goofy golf still there?" asked Danny.

"It sure is!" Mischa told him. "I took Tracy there on our first 'real' date."

"What about the race track?"

"It's still there too," said Adam.

"How about on Saturday we go around and see all those places again?" Jason suggested.

"Great idea!" Adam agreed.

After our guests had left, Mischa helped me clean up. "That was very enjoyable," he commented.

"It was," I agreed. "But I'm afraid you're right. We are gonna have to get rid of the cat," I added as Meadow sneezed again.

"Aw, Mommy!" Sage protested.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," I told my son. "But Whiskers is making your sister sick. Maybe we can find another kind of animal you'd like even better."

"But I like Whiskers better!" Sage glared at his sister. "This is all your fault!"

"It is not her fault!" I said angrily. "Don't you dare blame her!"

"Come on, sport," Mischa said cheerfully. "Maybe we can get you a pet monkey or a pet dragon...or maybe a pet dinosaur!"

Sage giggled. "There aren't any more dinosaurs, Daddy! They're all stinked now!"

"Extinct," I corrected.

We took Whiskers back to the pet store and explained the situation to the owner. Luckily, Sage found a Shih Tzu that he fell in love with, and the owner let us exchange the animals. "So what are you gonna call your new puppy?" I asked my son on the way home.

"How about Simba?" Sage suggested.

Mischa and I laughed. "That's a good name," said Mischa.

Little Simba kept us awake all night long, crying and howling. It was several days before he got used to his new environment.

Chapter 16

O

n Saturday we picked Danny, Kevin, and Adam up and took them to the race track. Mischa let Sage ride with him while Meadow and I looked on. After that we went to the goofy golf course. I like to play goofy golf too, so Mischa and I took turns watching Meadow.

"That was a lot of fun," Mischa said after we'd taken Danny, Kevin, and Adam back home. "It was just like going back in time ten years. You weren't with us the first time we went all those places, were you?"

"No, I was probably working at the hospital that day," I replied.

"Well, I'm glad you were able to come along this time," said Mischa. He stopped by the pizza buffet on the way back home. The sun was just beginning to set, bathing the atmosphere in brilliant shades of pink and purple.

"I talked to my boss about Danny," he told me while we were eating. "He said he's going to call him in for an interview."

"Good," I said, wiping pizza sauce from Meadow's chin. "I hope he gets the job. Then he can stay here."

"That would be nice," Mischa agreed.

After we finished eating, we let Sage stay and play the games for awhile and then went back home, where we watched a movie and then went to bed.

I was awakened at about two in the morning by Meadow's screaming. I checked on her and found that she was burning up with fever. I gave her some liquid Tylenol and rocked her but still couldn't get her to settle down. We were both awake until the wee hours of the morning. I was awakened by Mischa's gently shaking my shoulder.

"Oh! I need to call the doctor," I mumbled. I called Dr. Tanner's office, and the nurse asked me if I could bring Meadow in at ten. "Sure," I said.

"I'll take her," Mischa offered. "You've been up all night with her. Stay here and rest."

"Thank you" I replied, creeping to my bed and falling asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. Sage and I were just finishing breakfast when they returned.

"What did the doctor say?" I asked anxiously.

"She has another ear infection." Mischa sighed. "He said he's going to have to operate and put tubes in her ears. The surgery's scheduled for two weeks from now."

"Oh, no!" I groaned.

"It'll be all right." He came to me and embraced me and stroked my hair.

"Thanks," I said. "I feel better now."

A few days later, I was going in to work when I saw Danny working as a security guard in the parking lot. "I'm so glad you were able to get on here," I told him.

"Yeah, me too." He grinned. "I just started today. Hey, tell Mischa I said thanks for talking to his boss for me. I wouldn't have got the job if it weren't for him."

"I will," I promised. "Adam's gonna be happy, too."

The emergency room was slow that day, until about five minutes before I was supposed to get off, when a young woman who'd fallen off her bicycle and broken her arm came in, accompanied by Chris.

"Hi, Chris," I said with a forced smile, thinking about Lisa and wondering how she'd take this. "How have you been?"

"Great!" he said. "I'm glad Lisa and I decided to take a break. All that pressure was really getting to me, you know what I mean? I just met Natalie here last weekend. So far she's been a lot of fun."

I finished with Natalie and left for the day, wondering what I'd say to Lisa the next time I talked with her. I got home a little bit later than I'd expected to. Mischa had already prepared and served dinner, and he and the kids were just finishing up.

"I'm sorry I'm a little late," I told him. "A patient came in with a broken arm and I had to take care of that before I could come home."

"No problem," he replied. "Things like that happen."

"Danny's working there as a security guard now," I continued. "He told me to tell you thanks for helping him get the job."

"That's great!" said Mischa.

As I was eating, I couldn't get the incident with Chris and Natalie out of my mind. "You seem awfully quiet," Mischa remarked.

"It's just that...the girl I was telling you about who broke her arm? Her name's Natalie, and Chris came in with her. They've been seeing each other."

"Is that so?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"Yeah. I don't know what I'm gonna say next time I talk to Lisa."

"Well, they did decide to date other people, remember?"

"I know, but still..."

Mischa shrugged. "I guess she'll just have to get over it."

I sighed. "Maybe the thing between Chris and Natalie is just a temporary fling. I hope so, anyway."

A part of me dreaded hearing from Lisa again, but as it turned out, she called that very night.

✽✽✽

"Hey, girl! How are you?" Lisa asked when I answered the telephone.

"I'm all right," I replied. "How are you?"

"Great! I just met the coolest guy!" she exclaimed. "His name's Aaron, and I met him at the gym. We had apricot smoothies together at the bar yesterday and got to talking together. Turns out we have an incredible amount in common. He's taking me out to dinner tomorrow evening. I'm so excited!"

"Boy, you sure got over Chris fast." I felt both relieved and disappointed. Now I wouldn't have to worry about whether or not to tell her about Chris and Natalie, since she'd found someone else herself. On the other hand, now chances of Chris and Lisa getting back together seemed bleaker than ever.

"Well, maybe Chris and I just weren't meant to be," she replied. "If so, better to find out now rather than after getting married."

"Just be careful and don't rush into anything," I cautioned her. "You know you're still on the rebound from Chris, and you just met this Aaron."

"Of course I will be," she said airily. "How are Mischa and the kids?"

"They're fine! Mischa just re-connected with some friends he hadn't seen in a long time, and the kids have a new puppy named Simba. Meadow also has to have tubes put in her ears in a couple of weeks, so I'm kind of worried about that."

"Well, I don't have any kids myself so I can't really say I know how you feel, of course, but I hope everything goes well for her."

"Thanks." We chatted for a few more minutes and then said good-bye.

"Well, it turns out Lisa's met someone new too," I told Mischa when I got off the telephone.

"That's good," he replied.

"I was kind of hoping she and Chris would make up," I said.

"Well, perhaps it just wasn't meant to be."

"Maybe not." I sighed. "I'm just glad we're still together and that things are going so well."

"Forever and always." He embraced and kissed me. "I'll always be so grateful you gave me a second chance."

As the date for Meadow's operation drew nearer and nearer, I got more and more nervous about it. The night before we were to take her to the hospital, I paced back and forth anxiously in the bedroom.

"She's just so young to have to go through this," I fretted.

"She'll be fine." Mischa hugged me from behind. "This time tomorrow, it'll all be over with and we won't have to worry about it anymore."

In his arms that night, I finally drifted off to a troubled sleep. We got Meadow up early the following morning. Sage had spent the night at my parents' and was still there.

"Want toast!" Meadow demanded.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," I told her. "But you can't have anything to eat before your operation."

Meadow began to scream angrily. "Sh, sh." Mischa held her and bounced her and sang to her in Russian. Fascinated, she stopped crying and just looked at him. As he pointed to various parts of her body, she giggled.

"What song was that?" I asked him when he was finished.

"It's called 'Mouth, Nose, Ears, and Eyes," he told me. We walked out to the car, he fastened her into her car seat, and we were off.

We arrived at the hospital, signed in, and waited to be called. Meadow dozed in her stroller as I nervously looked around the waiting room. There were a couple with a little boy of about six, and elderly couple, and a young man in about his early twenties who seemed to be alone. The little boy wandered over to us and stood staring at Meadow.

"My name's Justin," he told us. "What's hers?" He pointed to Meadow, and I told him her name.

"I'm getting my tonsils out," he said.

"Meadow's having tubes put in her ears," I told him.

"Justin!" called his mother, and he hurried back to his parents.

"Cute kid," Mischa remarked.

After awhile an attendant came with a gurney to take Meadow back. I lifted her from her stroller and held her tightly, reluctant to let her go. Finally I laid her on the gurney. "I love you, sweetie," I told her as I kissed her forehead. I watched her blonde curls until they disappeared behind a set of double doors.

I felt Mischa's arms around me, holding me tight, and rested my head on his shoulder. "It's going to be all right," he said softly.

While waiting, I picked up one magazine after another but failed to find an article that held my interest. Mischa read a book in Russian that he'd brought along. "What is it?" I asked him.

"Anna Karenina," he told me.

After what seemed like a very long time, a nurse came to talk to us. "The operation went well," she told us. "We're going to keep her here for observation for a couple of hours, and if everything continues to go well, you can take her home today."

She led us to the recovery room, where Meadow lay fast asleep in a crib. To me she'd never looked so tiny. I walked to her side and just stood there stroking her hair and watching her chest move gently up and down. Mischa stood beside me and took her small hand into his own.

It was perhaps thirty minutes or so later when her eyes fluttered open. "Juice," she said weakly. I took her into my arms and held her sippy cup to her lips. She took a few sips and then drifted back to sleep.

It was around lunchtime when they let us take her home. We stopped at my parents' to pick Sage up on the way. Mischa carried a sleeping Meadow into the house.

"Oh, sweetie!" Mom cried, patting my daughter's back. "Did everything go all right?" she asked me.

"Everything went fine," I told her.

"Thank goodness!" she exclaimed.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Sage cried as he ran toward us.

I put a finger to my lips. "Meadow had an operation this morning, so she doesn't feel very well," I told him. "You're gonna have to be a good boy and keep quiet so she can rest."

"OK, Mommy."

When we got home, Mischa put Meadow in her crib and then kept Sage busy with drawing and coloring and, when he got tired of that, watching a video. I watched Meadow closely to make sure that she was comfortable and didn't seem to be suffering any complications. They'd told me to call right away if there was any bleeding or swelling. She woke up at dinner time and ate a few bites but, other than that, slept for almost the entire day.

"Boy, long day," Mischa yawned as he joined me in bed that night.

"I'm sure glad it's over," I agreed. I snuggled into his arms, and we were both fast asleep soon.

✽✽✽

Fortunately, Meadow recovered from her operation quickly and was fine within several days. Spring break arrived, and Sage was out of school for a week. On our days off, Mischa and I tried to keep him busy with trips to the park, the zoo, and movies. On Friday I bought baskets full of candy for the kids and a couple dozen eggs to dye different colors for an Easter egg hunt. I spent most of Saturday evening boiling and dying them and sitting them in holders to dry.

"Looks like we're going to be eating eggs for awhile," Mischa remarked as he strolled into the kitchen. I swatted his behind, and he hugged me and kissed my cheek.

That night before going to bed, I found a large basket to put all the eggs into and put it in the refrigerator. Early the next morning, Mischa got out of bed in his slippers and went to hide all the eggs in the back yard. He was already back in bed and asleep by the time I got up myself.

"Sage! Meadow!" I called, going into the kids' rooms. "Time to go see what the Easter bunny brought you!"

Both kids scrambled out of bed excitedly. I made sure they were both wearing shoes before they went outside.

Sage began looking for eggs right away. Meadow was still too young to really understand, so I had to direct her on what to do. "Why don't you check underneath that leaf, Meadow? Look, there's one!"

Within moments both the kids' baskets were full of eggs. "I bet I found more than her," Sage said as he walked over to us.

"That doesn't matter," I said shortly. We were headed back to the house when Mischa walked out, already dressed and grinning.

"Daddy!" Sage said excitedly, running toward him. "Look what the Easter bunny brought me!" He was swinging the basket so wildly that a couple of eggs fell out.

"Careful, don't lose them all!" Mischa laughed as he went to fetch the eggs my son had dropped.

"Daddy! Eggs!" Meadow crowed as she toddled up to Mischa.

"So I see!" Mischa scooped her up and kissed her cheek.

We went back inside, where I hurriedly fixed breakfast for us and made the kids eat, as I knew that there would be absolutely zero chance of their eating a bite of breakfast once I gave them their Easter baskets. I was just clearing up from breakfast when Mischa walked in with a big grin, carrying both baskets.

Sage grabbed excitedly for the one containing the race car, and Mischa handed the one with the doll inside to Meadow, who squealed with joy when she saw it.

Within almost no time, both kids were smeared with chocolate from head to toe. "What a mess!" I laughed. Mischa got his camera and took pictures.

Later we went to my parents' for lunch. Mom had cooked a ham and made potato salad and green beans and biscuits, and there was coconut cake for dessert. Adam was there with a girl I'd never seen before. "This is Jill," he said proudly.

Jill had dark blonde hair and big blue eyes. Adam introduced everyone to her and and she smiled and said hello.

"So how did you meet my brother?" I asked her.

"In the supermarket," she told me. "Adam helped me find the Tahini. Then we got to talking and he asked me out."

"Cool!" I said.

"Adam told me how you and Mischa first met each other," Jill continued. "I thought it was so romantic how you finally got back together after being apart for so many years."

"And we'll never be apart again." Mischa slipped his arm around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I haven't met too many people around here yet," said Jill. "Mom, Andy and I just moved here a few weeks ago, after her divorce."

"Who's Andy?" I asked.

"My younger brother. He's sixteen."

"So where's your Dad?" I asked.

"My stepfather still lives in the same place. I have no idea about my real Dad. I've never met him. He and my Mom had an affair when she was a dancer in Las Vegas. He left a long time before I was born, and my Mom married John. He's Andy's father. I do have a picture of my real father, though. My Mom gave it to me a few years ago."

She took a photograph from her purse and showed it to me. I gasped, shocked. It was Lisa's father.

Jill frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said quickly. "It's just that...your Dad looks familiar, somehow."

Nothing else was said on the subject for the rest of the visit, but the subject came up immediately as Mischa and I were on our way home. "All right," Mischa began with a mischievous smile. "Who is he?"

"He's Lisa's father!" I exclaimed. "My brother's dating Lisa's half sister!"

"What?" Now it was Mischa's turn to be shocked.

"It had to have happened right after her parents got divorced," I continued. "That was when her father went to Las Vegas."

"And she never knew her father had another daughter?"

"Not as far as I know."

"She's certainly in for a surprise," Mischa said softly.

"I don't think I should be the one to tell her," I told my husband.

"No, you shouldn't," he agreed. "But she does have the right to know, I suppose."

"Of course she does. What we should do is to get the two of them together and let them find out on their own. Have you ever seen the movie 'The Parent Trap'?"

"Nope."

"It's about these two girls who are really identical twins, but they have no idea until they end up at summer camp together."

"Well, it's not exactly the same situation, is it?"

"No, but there has to be some way to get them together. Maybe we could throw a party and invite them both."

"We've never thrown a party together before," Mischa said. "That might be fun."

I knew I wouldn't make the mistake of putting up an announcement on the bulletin board in the employee lounge at the hospital again. I definitely didn't want Debbie to show up at our party.

✽✽✽

As it turned out, the plan to bring Lisa and Jill together ended up being postponed indefinitely, as there was just too much going on in our lives at the time. One day in early May, Mischa came home with a big grin on his face. He picked me up and spun me around, then kissed my lips. "Guess what!"

"What?"

"I've been accepted to the police force! I start in two weeks."

"That's great!" I was really happy for him. Although I knew I'd miss being able to have lunch with him at the hospital, I also knew that he'd wanted to be a policeman for a long time and that this was a dream come true for him.

"How about if I take us all out to celebrate?" he suggested.

"But I've already cooked dinner," I said.

"No problem! I'll take us all out for ice cream afterwards."

After dinner he took us to Dairy Queen. I got a chocolate sundae for Sage and a strawberry one for Meadow. Mischa and I both had banana splits.

"I can't wait to see you in your uniform," I told him. "I've always thought cops were very sexy."

He laughed and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Now you can arrest bad guys, Daddy!" Sage exclaimed.

"That's right!" Mischa ruffled his hair.

A couple of weeks later, I got a rude surprise when Dr. Brown asked me to assist with an obstetrical complication. "It's a woman with a placental abruption," he told me. "If I don't perform an emergency C-section right away, she could bleed to death."

My heart was in my throat as I followed him to surgery. I knew that placental abruption meant that the placenta had separated from the uterine wall prematurely, resulting in severe bleeding.

When I got there, I saw that the patient was already lying on the operating table, white as a sheet. She was bleeding profusely from between her legs, and several towels were already drenched with her blood. But what absolutely floored me was my first glimpse at her face. She was Tina!

There was no time to recover from that shock, as I had to jump right in with assisting Dr. Brown. I helped him prep for surgery, then watched as he made the first incision into Tina's abdomen. I'd assisted with many C-sections before so was accustomed to the sight of blood, yet my heart beat faster with a mixture of anticipation and dread. Would the baby look like Mischa? How could I bear it if it did?

Swiftly Dr. Brown made the next two incisions, the one through the layer of muscles and then the one through the uterine wall, and the next thing I knew, I was staring at the white amniotic sac. Dr. Brown punctured it and then reached inside for the baby. Mesmerized, I stared as he pulled the tiny, blue-tinged body out and laid it on the table. I saw that it was a boy.

I cut his umbilical cord, and he began to wave his little arms and kick his little feet and let out a tiny sound like the mewing of a kitten. He opened his eyes, and I saw that they were dark blue. In spite of myself, I felt the same tug at my heart strings that I always felt at the sight of a newborn.

I cleaned him up and then placed him on the scale. Five pounds, four ounces. Such a tiny little guy. And just as sweet as he could be.

Tears sprang to my eyes. I couldn't help it.

I put a diaper on him and dressed him in a white onesie and put a tiny hat on his head, then wrapped him tightly in a blanket. It was the smallest size onesie we had, and yet it still seemed much too big for him.

Dr. Brown had turned his attention to Tina, whose bleeding was now under control, and I pushed the newborn in his warmer to the hospital nursery. His tiny face haunted me for the rest of my shift, and even after it had ended and I was on my way home.

"All right, Trace. What is it?" Mischa asked me at the dinner table that night.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You've looked like you were a thousand miles away all evening." He frowned. "Did something happen at work today?"

I nodded. "Tina's baby was born."

His bottom jaw dropped. "Really?"

"She came into the emergency room with a placental abruption, and Dr. Brown had to do an emergency C-section on her. He weighs just five pounds, four ounces. You ought to see him, Mischa. He's absolutely perfect!"

"So she had a boy," he said softly. I saw a longing in his eyes that I'd never seen there before, and I felt a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach.

We didn't say a word to one another for the rest of that evening. I'd never felt so alone since Mischa had left me for Tina the previous fall.

The next day at work, I was walking past the hospital nursery when I saw to my surprise that Mischa was there, staring in through the window. Silently I went to stand beside him, and right away my eyes fell on the crib labeled 'Stillman, baby boy.'

"How long have you been here?" I asked.

Startled, Mischa jumped. "Oh, hi, Tracy," he said. "He's beautiful, isn't he?"

I looked into his eyes and realized that they were the saddest I'd ever seen them.

Chapter 17

S

age's four-year-old kindergarten held a little ceremony for the students who were 'graduating' up to five-year-old kindergarten. As we entered the cafeteria where the event was being held, I noticed right away that Robin and Brian were there. Robin smiled and waved us over.

"Hey, girl!" she exclaimed. "Long time, no see. How have you been?"

"Great!" I told her. "This is my husband, Mischa."

"Wow, so you're married now! Congratulations!"

"Thanks. We did it on Valentine's Day."

"How romantic! Brian and I just found out that Camryn's gonna have a new baby brother or sister soon!"

"That's great!" I said, glancing at Mischa, whose face bore a winsome smile. I knew that he was thinking about Tina's baby, and that thought put a knife through my heart.

Sage's little ceremony was cute, especially when the little boy who was singing the alphabet song got confused and sang 'Y and Z' instead of 'W,X,' and afterwards there was refreshments and mingling.

"So, what do you do?" Brian asked Mischa.

"I just got on with the police force," Mischa replied. "Before that, I was a security guard at the hospital where Tracy works. How about you?"

"I'm a butcher at the supermarket," Brian told him.

"Do you know Adam Bradley?" I asked.

"He's a good friend of mine," Brian replied.

"He's my brother," I said.

"Have you met this girl he's dating now yet? He seems to be really crazy about her. Talks about her all the time."

"She came over for Easter dinner." I didn't add that Jill was also my best friend's half sister.

✽✽✽

Sage's fifth birthday was in the middle of June, and we planned a party for him at the pizza place with the arcade. I invited Camryn, his cousins Rachel and Daniel, the Shikov children, and several others. Fortunately, Mischa and I were both able to get the day off, so we loaded the kids into the car and drove to the restaurant. Sage was so excited that he did a little dance in the parking lot before we went in.

Adam arrived with Jill. "I'm this many old now!" Sage told them, holding up five fingers.

"Wow, you're getting to be a big boy!" Jill exclaimed.

"I'm gonna be in kindergarten next year," Sage told her.

Robin arrived looking slightly pale, with Camryn in tow. "How are you?" I asked her.

"I'm having a little trouble with morning sickness, but other than that, I'm fine," she told me.

"I can sympathize," I replied. "I got a lot sicker with Meadow than I did with Sage, but I've always heard that you get sicker with girls than with boys."

"I think for me it's about the same as last time, so I must be having another girl," she said.

Patty came with Rachel and Daniel. "They've both grown so much," she said when she saw Sage and Meadow. "Jeff would have been so proud of them." I didn't say anything because I didn't want to spoil Sage's special day.

Our waitress, a teenage girl named Ashley, arrived then to take our order. She was just bringing our pizzas to the table when Erica hurriedly dashed in with Toni, Sonya, and Mason. "Sorry I'm late," she said. "Sonya couldn't decide what dress to wear, Yuri smashed his thumb with the hammer, and then I couldn't find my car keys. It was just one thing right after another for us this morning."

"That's all right," I told her. "I'm just glad you could make it."

Several minutes of mayhem followed as the kids grabbed for the kind of pizza they wanted. I knew that Meadow probably wouldn't eat much pizza, so I'd brought along some macaroni and cheese for her. We were about halfway through the meal when Sonya started crying.

"What is it, sweetie?" asked Erica.

"My tooth really hurts, Mommy!" Sonya wailed.

"Well..." Erica looked undecided.

"If you want to take Sonya to the dentist, I can take care of Toni and Mason until you get back," I offered.

"I'll see if Yuri's home," Erica decided. "If he is, could you please just keep an eye on them until he can get here?"

"Sure, no problem."

"Thanks so much!"

"Anytime," I replied.

She left with Sonya, and Yuri arrived about twenty minutes later. I noticed that his thumb was heavily bandaged. "Are the kids all right?" he asked me.

"They're both fine," I told him.

"Thanks so much for watching them," he said.

"It was no problem at all," I replied.

Yuri's eyes met Mischa's, and soon the two of them were busily chatting away in Russian. Ashley brought Sage's birthday cake with its five candles to the table. She lit them, and Sage blew them out and everybody sang 'Happy Birthday' to him.

After that Sage opened his presents, and then the party degenerated into a frenzy of eating cake and running around playing and making noise. Meadow got cranky and fell asleep in Mischa's arms. Eventually the excitement dwindled down and the children and their parents began to leave one by one.

"Thanks again for watching the kids," Yuri said as he left with Toni and Mason.

"Glad to do it," I told him.

Meadow was still fast asleep, and even Sage was getting cranky, so I gathered up all the presents and leftover food and we headed out to the car. When we got home, I hurriedly stripped both kids and put them into the tub and washed all the pizza sauce and cake icing off them. They were both asleep soon afterwards.

"Looks like its just you and me now." Mischa grinned at me. He made us a couple of white Russians and we drank them while watching an erotic movie. Soon we were making out very heavily. Mischa removed my shirt and bra and suckled my nipples until they were hard and aching.

"Do you want it?" He grinned mischievously at me.

"Oh God, yes!" I moaned.

"Then beg me for it," he ordered.

"Please, Mischa." I felt tears come to my eyes.

"I never could resist you when you look at me that way," he murmured. Ever so slowly, he removed the rest of my clothing. I was writhing and moaning impatiently by the time he finally parted my legs and began to lightly finger my slick folds, then applied his tongue and lips to my most intimate parts.

I came almost as soon as his tongue hit my most sensitive spot, and I arched my back as I bit down on my bottom lip to keep from crying out his name and awakening the kids.

I lay back on the sofa, and he entered me. "Mischa!" I protested.

"Oh, yeah." Suddenly remembering that he'd forgotten the condom, he dashed into the bedroom, and I followed. Within moments we were on the bed, making love vigorously.

Sometime before dawn, I returned to the living room and gathered up our discarded clothing before the kids could awaken and and find it.

✽✽✽

On the fourth of July we went downtown to watch the fireworks. We were sitting on the curb watching people walk past when suddenly a stroller appeared and I saw that it was being pushed by Tina, and that Debbie and her daughter were with her.

"Baby!" Meadow crowed at the sight of the sleeping infant, and before I could stop her, she'd ran up to the stroller and stood gazing at Tina's son.

✽✽✽

"No! Meadow, come back!" I exclaimed, but before I could reach her, Mischa's long legs already had. Quickly he scooped her up and carried her back to where we were sitting.

"Baby?" Meadow primped up and looked as if she were about to cry.

"I know, sweetie, but it isn't our baby," I gently told her.

"Tell you what," said Mischa. "Tomorrow I'll take you shopping, and you can pick out whatever baby you want."

Meadow grinned, and I looked gratefully at my husband. I knew that she already had plenty of dolls, but if it would make her happy again, I was all for it.

The fireworks didn't end until late at night, and the traffic on the way home was terrible. After we finally got there, Mischa and I were too tired to do anything but tumble into bed and fall right to sleep.

Meadow's second birthday was a couple of weeks later. Since she was still so young, we just had a small party and invited a few close family members. I bought her a cake with Minnie Mouse decorations and got vanilla ice cream to go with it and, since it was a nice day, we all ate outside. I dressed Meadow up in her sailor dress with lacy white socks and red patent leather shoes, and Mischa took lots of photographs.

Several weeks after Meadow's birthday, I was fast asleep when I heard Mischa come into the bedroom and switched on the bedside lamp. One look at his face and I knew that something terrible had happened. "What happened?" I asked.

"I just worked a horrible accident." He sat on the side of the bed and began to take his shoes and socks off. "Head-on collision between a Toyota and a Dodge truck. Poor little car was crumpled up just like an accordion."

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed. "Was the driver killed?"

"Life flight flew her to the hospital," he told me. "They doubt she'll make it."

I could see in his eyes that there was even more to the story. "And?"

"And..." He sighed heavily. "She's someone we know."

"Who is she?"

"Tina."

✽✽✽

She was still alive and hooked up to life support when I went in to work the afternoon shift the next day. She lay in bed in a full body cast, pale and perfectly still. The only sound in the room was the beeping of the equipment.

"You should have seen her when they brought her in last night." I turned to see Mitzi standing beside me. "She was bleeding all over the place! We had to give her four units of O negative."

"Mischa worked the accident she was in," I told her. "He said the baby wasn't with her."

"Oh, she has a baby?" Mitzi sounded surprised.

"A little boy only a couple of months old," I replied.

"How sad!" Mitzi exclaimed. "They don't think she's gonna make it, you know. They're trying to get all her family together."

As I stood listening to the hiss of the ventilator and watching Tina's chest move up and down, memories of the previous fall came rushing back to me. I thought about the night I'd overheard Tina and Debbie talking about what had happened to Mischa, how angry I'd felt, the fight I'd had with her, how badly I'd wished I had a weapon with me at the time. The idea of dashing into the room and unplugging all the life support equipment overwhelmed me, but just as quickly, I pushed it away. I knew that I'd never get away with it, and my children needed me with them, not rotting in some jail cell.

As I went about my tasks, I pushed Tina to the back of my mind, and when I left the hospital that night, she was still clinging to life. Mischa was awake when I got home, sitting in the recliner with his arms behind his head, obviously deep in thought. "Is she still alive?" he asked me.

"Just barely."

"I've been thinking," he said. "If she dies, what will happen to her baby?"

"I'm sure one of her family members will take him in, or he'll go into foster care."

"But what about his father?"

I was puzzled. "What do you mean? He'll be school age by the time his father gets out of prison."

"If that guy's really his father."

I felt a cold chill creep up my spine. I knew exactly what he was talking about but didn't want to admit it. "But you told me you used a condom with her!"

"Condoms aren't one hundred percent effective," he reminded me. "There could have been a tiny rip or hole in it, and if so, that might have been enough to get her pregnant. If that baby's really mine, then I'm responsible for him."

I felt my heart sink as I slumped onto the sofa. A moment later, I felt Mischa's arms around me but angrily shrugged them away. "I'm so sorry, Trace," he said. "But you know as well as I do that it's only the right thing to do."

"But what will we tell the children?"

"We'll just tell them that they have a new baby brother and that he's coming to live with us."

"But we don't even have enough room for a third child!"

"Sure we do. We could put the crib in our bedroom for now, and then when he's older, we can move a toddler bed into Sage's room."

"Sounds like you can't wait to have him here." I couldn't keep the bitterness out of my voice.

"This is a really big if, Tracy. Chances are the DNA won't even be a match."

"You mean you're planning to have your DNA tested?"

"Of course! How else would I find out?"

✽✽✽

Mischa went to the lab to have the testing done on his next day off. He wanted me to go with him, but I refused. In fact, we had a huge fight the night before.

"How can you expect me to just cheerfully agree to raising that woman's child as my own?" I spat.

"Am I not raising your two children as my own?" he retorted.

"That's different!"

"How is it different?"

"It just is, that's all!"

"I don't see any difference."

He left for the lab the next day without saying good-bye. We didn't say much to one another for a couple of days, and then on the third day, he came to me and put his arms around me, and this time, I didn't resist him. "Let's not be mad anymore, OK?"

"Yeah." I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. "When I took you back after the affair with Tina, I knew this was a possibility. I just never imagined that it would happen this way."

"Yeah, me neither." He chuckled. "I'll admit that was probably the biggest mistake of my life. but that little baby is completely innocent. He deserves a real home with people who love him."

That statement made me think. Could I ever love Mischa's child by another woman? I remembered helping with the delivery, how I'd felt when I'd looked into the infant's smoky blue eyes. It had reminded me of how I'd looked into Sage's eyes the first time I'd seen him. I also thought about how good Mischa had always been to Sage and Meadow. He really had treated them as if they were his own.

I didn't have to think about it for very long.

The next day, I was setting the table for dinner when Mischa walked in. The expression on his face told me nothing at all. "The lab just called with the results of the DNA test," he told me.

"And?" I waited breathlessly for his response.

"It wasn't a match. I'm not the father."

"Oh." Waves of relief washed over me. So I wasn't going to be raising Tina's son, after all. At the same time, I felt a twinge of regret mingled with concern. I couldn't help but hope that the baby would end up being raised in a loving home.

"Are you disappointed?" I asked Mischa.

"To be honest, yeah, I am, just a little bit," he admitted. "Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't love Sage and Meadow; I do, with all my heart. It's just that..."

"You want a baby of your own."

"Well, yeah." He came to me and put his arms around me. "What do you say, Trace? I know we were talking about waiting a year or two..."

"Well, until Meadow's out of diapers, at least. Potty training's coming along, slowly but surely, but we've still got a ways to go."

"Yeah." He kissed me lightly on the forehead. "Well, just think about it, OK?"

Tina's condition remained unchanged. One day her nephew, Chris, came in to visit her, alone. "Where's Natalie?" I asked him.

"I'm not seeing her anymore," he told me. "That didn't last very long. To tell you the truth, I still have feelings for Lisa. I'd love to be back in touch with her, but I just feel kind of awkward about calling her, since...you know."

"No, I don't know."

"Well, I could tell it really hurt her when I told her I thought we should see other people. I'm afraid she's still mad at me about that."

"No way to know unless you ask her." I personally knew that Lisa was still seeing Aaron and was happy with him as far as I could tell, but I didn't want to discourage Chris.

"Could you call her for me, Tracy?"

"I'm sorry, Chris, but that's something you need to do on your own." I saw the crestfallen look in his eyes and changed the subject. "I wonder who's taking care of Logan now." I didn't say anything about Mischa and the DNA test.

"Tina's Mom is for now, but that's only temporary. She can't keep him long-term. Her health's too bad."

"What about your Dad? He's Tina's brother, after all, so he's Logan's uncle."

"He's still in California. I don't think he even knows about Logan yet."

I thought about Lisa. Wouldn't it be nice if... I pushed the thought from my mind. That would never happen.

I finished my shift and went home. Mischa was sitting in the recliner, reading a book in Russian. He looked up when I walked in.

"Chris came to visit his aunt today," I told him. "He said Tina's Mom's taking care of Logan for now."

"Well, it's good that she's able to do that."

"She can't for much longer. Her health's too bad." I saw the longing in his eyes, and it gave me a very uncomfortable feeling.

A few days later, Mitzi and I were eating lunch together in the cafeteria when I felt someone's finger poke me in the back. "Freeze. You're under arrest." I turned around to look into my husband's laughing face. It was the first time I'd seen him inside the hospital in uniform.

"The pharmacy got broken into last night," he told me. "A couple of us came to dust for fingerprints. Thought I'd stop by to say hello before heading back to the station. Hi, Mitzi." "He nodded at my friend. "How's Ivan? Haven't talked to him in awhile."

"He's fine! We're planning to have dinner together at that new Asian place on our next day off. It would be great if you guys could join us!"

"Sounds great!" Mischa looked at me. "What about it, Trace?"

"I'm all for it," I replied. "I'll see if I'm off and if my folks can watch the kids."

As it turned out, luck was on my side, and several days later, Mischa and I sat across from Ivan and Mitzi at the new Asian restaurant. "It's been too long since we did this last," I said to Mischa. "We should do it more often."

"We really should." He squeezed my hand underneath the table.

Later, Mitzi winked at me and nudged her head in the direction of the lady's room. "Excuse me for just a minute," I told Mischa before following her there. As soon as we were inside, she grinned at me and grabbed my arm eagerly.

"Please tell Mischa that I don't know how to thank him for introducing me to Ivan," she said. "He's the most wonderful man I've ever known. I never imagined I'd be happy with just one man for the rest of my life, but he's made me see that I really am finally ready to settle down."

"Wow, I can't believe he's actually tamed you," I remarked. "Mischa will be glad. But wait, what about Ivan's wanting to be an Orthodox priest? Wouldn't getting married mess up his plans?"

"I asked him about that," she replied. "He said that as long as he gets married before he becomes a priest, it's fine. He just can't get married after he becomes a priest."

"So you two are engaged now?"

"Well, not exactly. We've talked about it, but we haven't set a date or anything."

By the time we returned to the table, the waitress had brought our food. Mischa and I played footsie underneath the table as we ate, and I could tell that Ivan and Mitzi were doing the same thing.

Lisa called me the following day. "Would you like to go to the mall this evening?" she asked. "It's been ages since we've hung out together, and I'd love to touch base with you again."

Suddenly I had an idea. "Would it be all right if I invited my brother and his girlfriend along, too?"

"Sure, I don't see why not." She sounded a little taken aback, which didn't surprise me.

I called Mom and asked to speak to Adam, and she told me that he and Jill had gone to play goofy golf. Thinking quickly, I called Lisa back and asked if we could do goofy golf instead of the mall.

"Well, sure, I guess so," she replied. "Why are you acting so strange, Trace?"

"It's too complicated to explain right now," I told her. "Just trust me. I know you won't be disappointed."

She laughed. "All right, my crazy friend."

Chapter 18

L

isa and I arrived at the goofy golf course at about the same time. Adam and Jill were, of course, already busily at play. Adam looked up in surprise when I arrived, and Jill glanced up a moment later.

"Hi, bro," I said. "You know Lisa. Jill, this is Lisa. Lisa, this is Adam's girlfriend, Jill."

"Hi!" Lisa smiled and extended her hand.

"Hi," Jill said shyly, shaking Lisa's hand.

"I've been wanting to get you two together for ages," I told them. "You have something important in common."

They both just stared at me, surprised. "What on earth are you talking about, Trace?" asked Lisa.

"Show Lisa that picture of your Dad you showed me, Jill."

Puzzled, Jill took the photograph from her purse and showed it to Lisa, who gasped. "That can't be your Dad!" she exclaimed. "He's my Dad!"

"Was your Dad in Las Vegas about nineteen years ago?" asked Jill.

"Why...yes, he was!" Understanding slowly dawned on Lisa's face. "Do you mean to tell me that..."

Jill laughed. "We're sisters!" Tears were in their eyes as they embraced one another. "So where's Dad now?" asked Jill.

"He lives not too far from here," Lisa replied. "I wonder why he never told me about you. Have you ever met him?"

"Never. My Mom never talks about him. She just gave me that one picture. I was raised by my stepfather, but he and my Mom got divorced a few months ago."

"I'll have to introduce you two as soon as I can," said Lisa. "You know, it's funny he never mentioned you to me. I wonder if he even knows you exist."

Jill shrugged. "I have no idea. Is he still married to your Mom?"

"Oh, no. They got divorced a long time ago."

"Did either one of them ever get married again?"

"They both did. And then got divorced again." Lisa sighed. "You know, I think they still have feelings for each other."

"Do you have any other brothers or sisters?"

"Nope. You?"

"I have a half-brother, Andy. He's twelve."

By now everyone had lost interest in playing goofy golf. Jill left with Lisa in her car to see if their Dad was home, and Adam and I both went back home, too.

When I got home, I saw that Mischa was pushing Meadow in one swing while Sage swung in the other, and Simba pranced around, barking happily. "Hey, boy!" I exclaimed as I bent down to scratch between his ears.

"So how did the meeting between Lisa and Jill go?" asked Mischa. I'd told him of my plans before I'd left.

"It went great! Lisa's taken Jill to meet their father. Thanks for watching the kids for me. I really appreciate it."

"Hey, no problem at all!" He came over and gave me a quick hug and kiss. "I think it's great that you got the two of them together."

"Yeah." I took over pushing Meadow and he went into the house.

Later I cooked roast beef and potatoes for our dinner. After dinner, Mischa and I did the dishes together while talking and laughing and then sat in the living room watching television and playing with the kids. While we were doing that, Lisa called me.

"I just wanted to say thanks for bringing me and Jill together," she said. "She's great. We had a blast at my Dad's. It turns out he'd been sending her Mom money to help support her all along. I asked him why he never told me about her. He said that he was afraid I'd be mad at him because of my Mom, even though they were already divorced when he got together with her Mom."

"Then I asked why he'd never tried to visit her or get in touch with her. He said that he'd known she was in a stable family unit and hadn't wanted to disrupt that."

"Well, I'm glad you guys all had a nice time together," I said. My mind was on Chris and what he'd said to me when he'd come to visit his aunt in the hospital. Lisa hadn't mentioned Aaron to me at all. Perhaps she wasn't even still seeing him. At any rate, I knew that it wasn't really the appropriate time to bring the subject up, so I didn't.

After I'd gotten the kids to bed, Mischa and I were snuggling together on the sofa watching a movie when I found my hand slowly moving southward until it reached the elastic of his underpants, then gently slipping beneath them to fondle him. When I'd gotten him hard, I slipped to my knees and tugged his shorts and underpants down.

He gave a gasp of pleasure as I slipped him into my mouth and began to suckle him while lightly massaging his balls. When he was close, he began to grunt and thrust, and we moved to the bedroom, where we tumbled onto the bed and he quickly removed my shorts and panties, put on a condom, and entered me. Afterwards, we lay perfectly still in bed, holding one another tightly, until I heard his gentle snoring.

✽✽✽

Later that month, we went to WalMart to buy Sage's school supplies. While there, we met up with Yuri, Erica, and their children. "I'm gonna be in the big school this year," Sage proudly told Toni and Sonya.

"This is my last year there," Toni replied. "I'm going into the fifth grade. I'm gonna be in middle school next year. I can't wait! I want to be a cheerleader."

"That's fine with me, as long as you can keep your grades up," said Erica. "You know that has to come first."

"Oh, she'll be fine," Yuri assured his wife. "That's a whole year from now, anyway."

Busily I searched for all the items on Sage's school supply list. After what seemed like ages, I finally had everything together, and we all headed for the check-out lanes.

"Mama! Potty!" Meadow cried as we were standing in line. Hurriedly I grabbed her from the shopping cart and took her to the restroom.

Fortunately, we made it there on time. "Good girl!" I praised her. When we were finished, I returned to the check-out lane we'd been in to see that Mischa and Sage were nowhere to be found.

"We're over here, Mommy!" I turned in the direction of my son's voice to see him standing near the exit with the rest of the family. Mischa held the bags containing our purchases. I heaved a huge sigh of relief and rushed to join the others.

When we got back home, I labeled all Sage's new school supplies and put them in his backpack, ready for the first day of school. Then I bathed both kids, read them a story, and put them to bed.

I was watching television with Mischa when Sage called out to me about thirty minutes later. I entered his bedroom to find him lying in bed wide awake with a worried look on his face. "What is it, sweetie?" I asked him.

"What if the kids at the big school don't like me?" he asked.

"Of course they'll like you!" I replied. "Why wouldn't they?"

"I don't know."

I laughed and tucked him back in. "Silly boy, go to sleep!"

I was almost out of the room when I heard his voice again. "Mommy?"

With a sigh I turned back to him. "What if the teacher's mean? What if the work's too hard?"

"Everything's gonna be fine, Sage." I went back to him and kissed his forehead. "Now go to sleep."

Mischa gave me a questioning look as I returned to the living room. "Pre first day of school jitters," I explained.

The following Monday morning, Mischa and I stood with Sage at the corner of our street, waiting for the bus. I saw that a slight blonde woman accompanied by a blond-haired boy of about six were there, too. The woman introduced herself as Kristen and her son as Mark.

"Oh yeah, I remember seeing him get off the bus in the afternoon last year," I told her.

"I recognize you," she told Mischa. "You gave me a speeding ticket a couple of weeks ago. I had no idea you lived right down the street from me."

"Sorry." Mischa looked terribly embarrassed. "Rules are rules."

At last the bus arrived, and I watched Sage mount the big steps, suddenly realizing how small he looked by comparison to them. Suddenly I felt Mischa's arm around me, giving me a reassuring hug. "He'll be fine, Trace!"

I arrived at work later to find the emergency room in total mayhem. "Somebody crashed into a school bus," another nurse told me.

My heart nearly stopped. Sage! "What school was it?" I asked.

"I don't know," the other nurse replied. Frustrated, I asked several other co-workers the same question, until at last someone told me the name of the school. I sagged with relief to learn that it wasn't Sage's school.

I joined the others in starting I.V. lines and applying bandages. A dozen or so of the children were seriously injured, and despite the best efforts of the emergency room personnel, we lost four of them. As I gazed at the little bodies lying there so very still, overwhelming sorrow overcame me. I thanked my lucky stars that I wasn't the one with the heartrending task of notifying the parents.

Although I soon became busy with other tasks, the vision of the dead children haunted me for the rest of the day, and I knew it was something I'd remember for the rest of my life.

That night, Mischa and I lay cuddling in bed after making love when he asked me about it. "Something's been weighing heavy on your mind all evening," he remarked. "What is it?"

"Oh, Mischa, it was horrible!" Unable to hold it in any longer, I burst into tears. "Somebody smashed into a school bus this morning, and they brought all these little kids into the emergency room. They were all hurt and scared and crying, and four of them...four of them...didn't make it."

I began to sob heavily, and he held and comforted me. "When I first found out about it, I was so s-scared..." I stammered when I could speak again.

"I know, sweetheart. I know," Mischa murmured.

"It could just as easily have been Sage's bus," I continued.

"I know, darling." Tenderly he kissed my forehead. "It's all over with now. Everything's all right."

✽✽✽

Several weeks after the beginning of the school term, Sage's kindergarten class went on a field trip to a farm. I volunteered to go along as a chaperone, because I thought it sounded like fun. I took Meadow along with me as well instead of sending her to child care that day. All the little girls in Sage's class gushed over her, saying how cute she was and almost coming to blows over who would sit beside her on the bus.

We rode far out into the country, and the bus finally came to a stop on a dirt road in front of a large field that contained a barn, a silo, and a dozen or so grazing cows. "Look at the cows, Mommy!" Sage exclaimed.

"Moo! Moo!" cried Meadow, jumping up and down excitedly.

The farmer took us on a tour of the farm, where we saw a tractor, a baler, and a combine harvester, and then he showed us the inside of the barn, where we saw sheep, pigs, and chickens.

"Wow, Mommy, it's really big in here!" Sage exclaimed.

"This baby chicken just hatched this morning," the farmer told the children, passing the little ball of fluff around for each child to hold. Meadow cried when I told her she was too small to hold the baby chick because she might crush it. I distracted her by letting her pet a sheep.

At the end of the visit, the farmer let each of the children taste some fresh milk from one of his cows, and then it was time to get back on the bus and return to the school. Meadow, of course, fell asleep almost as soon as the bus began to move. Sage chattered excitedly all the way back. "I'm gonna be a farmer when I grow up," he told me.

"I thought you were gonna be a policeman."

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I'm gonna be a farmer and a policeman."

On the way home from the school, I had to go through the drive-through at the bank, and by the time we got home, Sage was yawning, but Meadow was wide awake.

Chapter 19

T

he sky was filled with dark, angry storm clouds, but I hardly noticed them as I pulled into the hospital parking lot. I was thinking about a very sweet elderly man, Mr. Jones, who'd gone into cardiac arrest on my last shift. We'd brought him back, but he was still comatose and unstable. I really hoped that he'd survived the night. Before he'd lost consciousness, he'd been such a pleasant patient, so sweet and kind. He'd reminded me a lot of my grandfather.

"Have you been listening to the weather?" Mitzi asked when she saw me.

"Not really," I replied.

"There's supposed to be a really bad thunderstorm brewing," she told me. I thought about my children, safe at home with Mischa. How I wished I could be home with them! But I had to work because I needed the money.

After performing my regular duties, I went to check on Mr. Jones and was relieved to see that, although he still hadn't regained consciousness, his vitals were now stable.

Suddenly I heard a loud clap of thunder, and the lights blinked off for just a second and then blinked right back on. I knew that that meant that we had lost power and the backup generator had just kicked on. I was sure that Sage and Meadow would be frightened and was glad that Mischa was there to comfort them.

Even the flurry of activity inside the emergency room couldn't drown out the wind's angry squalls, and as more and more people came in with anxiety symptoms and panic attacks, the floor in front of the door became slick with rain water. Several coronary patients had heart attacks during the night, and one elderly man went into arrest and couldn't be resuscitated. Thankfully, Mr. Jones never regained consciousness throughout the entire ordeal.

In the early morning hours, the storm finally abated. Although exhausted, I managed to finish my duties but was very glad when it was finally time to go home. As I stepped into the parking lot, I saw that, even though the rain had stopped, there were huge mud puddles all over the place, and limbs that had been broken off trees were scattered all about. A large tree had been blown down and was blocking the road, so I had to take an alternative route home.

As I arrived, I was relieved to see that our house was still standing and that none of the windows were broken. I unlocked the door and entered the house and suddenly felt that I could hardly move. I made my way to the bedroom to find both kids in bed with Mischa. All three of them were fast asleep. Meadow lay in Mischa's arms, and Sage lay snuggled up beside them with one arm thrown over them both. The three of them were absolutely adorable.

Trying to be as quiet as I could, I slipped off my shoes, undressed down to my underwear, put on my pajamas, and lay down beside them. I was asleep within seconds.

I awoke around noon to the delicious aroma of take-out Asian food and suddenly realized that I was famished. I got up and walked into the dining room to find Mischa and the kids in the middle of enjoying their meal. Mischa saw me and grinned. "Good morning, sleepyhead."

"Boy, what a night!" I sat down in front of my waiting plate of hot steaming food. "We had so many patients it was unreal! This old guy had a heart attack right there in the emergency room, and they had to bring the defibrillators out and use them on him right there. Then some kid threw up all over Mitzi and she had to change clothes, and the roof started leaking, and..."

"Daddy took us to the park," Sage told me. "We didn't wake you up because he said you needed your rest."

"Meadow swing!" Meadow said happily.

"That's right, you sure did!" Mischa smiled.

"All three of you were sound asleep when I got in this morning," I remarked. "I don't know how you slept through all that thunder."

"They didn't," Mischa told me. "It got really bad around midnight. Meadow woke up screaming, so I cuddled in bed with her and told her a story and sang to her. I'd barely gotten her back to sleep when Sage ran into the room. 'I'm scared, Daddy,' he told me. 'Well, hop on up here with us,' I said. He climbed up onto the bed beside us and held onto me and fell asleep that way."

"That's the way you were when I came in," I replied. "The three of you looked so cute together! I almost wanted to stay awake just so I could watch you, but after last night, there was just no way!"

"Well, I hope you're feeling well rested now," Mischa said.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine now," I told him.

Later that month, I got the shock of my life when Chris and Lisa showed up together on our doorstep. Lisa was holding Logan. "Hi, Tracy," she said. "Guess what? We're married now!"

My mouth dropped open. "You got married and didn't invite me?"

"It was a spur of the moment decision," Chris explained. "I called Lisa and she was crying. She'd just caught that guy she was seeing cheating on her. I ran right over, and we patched things up, and here we are!"

"Chris wanted to get married right away, and I didn't see any point in waiting," Lisa continued. "We knew we loved each other, so we just went to the justice of the peace and did it right then and there."

"I can't believe you guys actually eloped!" I was still too shocked to be angry.

"To be honest, I have a hard time believing it myself," said Lisa. "I never imagined I'd do something like this."

"Well, congratulations, both of you," said Mischa, who'd wandered into the room while we'd been talking. "And hello there, you little cutie!" He tickled Logan, and the baby laughed. He didn't have any teeth yet, and when he opened his mouth, my heart just melted. I looked at Mischa and could tell that he felt the same way.

"We're his legal guardians now," Lisa told me. I knew that Tina still hadn't shown any signs of emerging from her coma and had been transferred to a long-term care facility.

"Well, he couldn't have better parents than you two," I told her.

Chris and Lisa ended up staying for dinner and visiting for several hours afterwards. Logan was five months old now, and Sage and Meadow both fell in love with him instantly.

"I want a baby brother, Mommy," Sage said after they'd left.

"Maybe you'll have one some day," I told him.

✽✽✽

Later that night, Mischa and I were making out in our bedroom when suddenly he got a thoughtful look on his face. "What is it?" I asked him.

"I was just thinking about what Sage said about wanting a baby brother," he replied. "Why don't we leave the birth control off this time?"

"Sounds good to me," I said. "Meadow will be three next July. That would be pretty good spacing between babies."

He entered me without wearing a condom for the first time, and the direct skin-to-skin contact was thrilling. He thrust and grunted as he filled me with his hot seed, and then we fell asleep holding one another. I awoke the following morning in his arms. "Hey, maybe we made a baby last night," I said.

"Maybe." He grinned and kissed the tip of my nose.

We decided to take the kids to the fair that year. Sage could walk on his own, of course, and I pushed Meadow in her stroller. We stood in the long line at the ticket booth while Sage excitedly jumped around and talked about all the rides he wanted to go on. "The roller coaster...the tilt and twirl...the swings...the bungee jump...'

"I think you'd enjoy yourself much more on the teacup ride," chuckled Mischa.

"That's for babies," Sage replied. "I rode it last year."

"Tell you what," said Mischa. "How about if we ride the Sizzler together, and we can save the bungee jump for next year, OK?"

"All right," Sage said with a sigh. Mischa and I both laughed.

After what seemed like forever, we finally had our hand stamps and arm bands and were walking through the building in front with all the insurance company, cruise sweepstakes, and church exhibits. Finally we reached the main fair grounds and headed for the aisle with the kiddie rides. "Train! Train!" Meadow crowed excitedly.

I lifted her out of her stroller and placed her into one of the cars of the train ride. It went around in a circle and over a gentle hill. "I'll ride it with her so she doesn't get scared," Sage volunteered generously. Mischa winked at me, and we both burst out laughing.

We went down that row and let the kids ride all the kiddie rides, then took turns walking through the house of mirrors. Then I stayed with Meadow while Mischa went on the haunted house ride with Sage. When the car they were riding emerged at the end, I saw that my son's eyes were wide with terror and he was gripping the bar in front of him tightly. "C'mon, sport, it's over," Mischa said as he ruffled Sage's hair playfully.

The spell broken, Sage quickly climbed out of the car and went to join me and his sister. "That was a really cool ride, Mommy!"

Mischa grinned at me again.

The high point of our evening was when the four of us rode the Ferris wheel with the gondola cars. The view from the top was breathtaking, and the lights on the darkening fair ground made everything seem magical. I had to hold onto Meadow tightly so that she wouldn't squirm and make the gondola rock. After that, we ate foot-long corn dogs and washed them down with lemonade, and Mischa bought cotton candy, which Meadow got all in her hair.

Later, we walked around and looked at the art, plant, antique, and livestock exhibits. Sage and Meadow petted baby goats and lambs in the petting zoo, and we went to the free concert in the amphitheater. Meadow fell asleep in her stroller but woke up later when I transferred her to her car seat.

The kids were too tired for a bath and bedtime story, so Mischa and I simply tucked them into bed and then went to bed ourselves.

Halloween was a few days later. Sage dressed up as the blue Power Ranger, Meadow as Raggedy Ann, and I took them to the mall to go trick-or-treating. We got there early to avoid the crowds and went around to all the stores. Both kids got big buckets full of candy. I knew I'd have to go through Meadow's and take out all the chewing gum and other choking hazards when we got home, but we still had a lot of fun.

One day not too long after that, Sage came home from school wiggling one of his bottom front teeth. "Let me see it," I said. I tested it and discovered that it was quite loose. "Soon it'll have to come out, to make room for your new grown-up tooth," I told him. His eyes grew round with fear. "Then after it comes out, you can sleep with it under your pillow, and the tooth fairy will take it and leave you money for it."

Instantly his face lit up. "Cool!" he said with a grin.

The next time I went to work, Mitzi approached me with a big grin and flashed a diamond ring in my face. "Wow, congratulations!" I exclaimed. "When's the date?"

"We haven't decided for sure yet," she replied. "We're talking about maybe spring break of next year."

"Wow, everybody's getting married!" I exclaimed. "First Chris and Lisa, and now you and Ivan!"

In contrast with Mitzi's happy news, something very sad happened later. A group of teenagers were on their way home from a football game when their car was broadsided. All of them escaped with minor injuries except for one girl. Both her legs were so badly mangled that they had to be amputated below the knee. As I stood looking down at her peacefully sleeping face, tears filled my eyes as I thought about the tragic surprise awaiting her when she awakened. In one instant, her life had been changed forever.

As hard as I tried, I couldn't get her face out of my mind, not even when my shift was over and it was time to go home. "Bringing your work home with you again?" Mischa asked me with a smile.

"Yeah, I guess so." I told him about the tragedy.

"I didn't work that accident, but I heard about it," he told me. "Guy was drunk and got thrown through the windshield and all cut up. If he lived, which I doubt, he'll be horribly scarred for the rest of his life."

At his words, memories of Jeff's death suddenly came flooding back to me. "What's wrong, Tracy? You look like you've seen a ghost!" Mischa exclaimed.

"It's just that what you just told me was exactly how Jeff died."

"Oh, that's right. I'm so sorry, Trace." He gave me a hug and I felt a lot better, but I still couldn't get that poor girl's face out of my mind. I knew I'd probably dream about her that night.

Chapter 20

I

was actually in the girl's room when she woke up for the first time after the car crash. As I was bringing a Styrofoam jug full of water into the room, I saw her eyes flutter open. "Good, you're awake," I said briskly.

"What happened?" she asked.

"You were in a very bad car crash," I told her. "You're lucky to be alive. You're gonna be with us for awhile."

"Something's wrong," she wailed. "My foot itches, but I can't scratch it!"

"Sweetheart," I said as gently as I could. "What you're feeling is called 'phantom pain.' The doctor will be here soon to explain it to you."

As quickly as I could, I went to fetch Dr. Abrams to tell him his patient was awake. I very badly didn't want to be there when she found out what had happened to her legs.

I ran into Dr. Abrams briefly before I left for the day. "How'd she take it?" I asked him.

"Very hard," he told me. "Her dream was to become a model. She's completely devastated."

"I'll bet," I said sympathetically.

I got home to find Mischa and the kids in the living room watching television. "Mommy, my mouth tastes funny!" Sage complained.

"Let me see." I examined the inside of his mouth. "Blood's coming from around the base of your tooth. That means it's time for it to come out. Want me to pull it for you?"

"I want Daddy to do it." He went to Mischa, who used a tissue to pull the tooth.

"There now, all ready for the tooth fairy!" he said as he handed it to Sage, who grinned proudly.

The next time I checked on Carrie at work, she had visitors, a teenaged boy and girl. The boy's forehead was bandaged. I assumed that they were a couple of the kids who'd been in the car crash with her.

She was sitting up in bed chatting with them and seemed to be in good spirits, which I was glad to see. They all stopped talking when I entered the room. "I just need to check your vitals real quick," I said apologetically. She watched while I took her blood pressure. "Have you had any more trouble with phantom pain?" I asked her. She shook her head. "I'm glad." I smiled at her and left. The next time I came in to check her vitals, she was alone.

"I'm supposed to get my new legs soon," she muttered.

"That's good," I said. "Then you can be up walking around again, and soon you'll be out of here."

"I don't want them!" she exploded.

"But don't you want to be able to walk again?" I asked her.

She shook her head, and tears filled her eyes.

"Look, sweetie." I sat in the chair by the side of her bed. "I know you've suffered a tremendous loss, but you're going to have to accept it and go on. You can't just lie there feeling sorry for yourself for the rest of your life. You're only seventeen, Carrie. You have your whole life before you."

"I had my whole life before me," she said bitterly.

I sighed helplessly. I knew that she needed more professional help than I was able to provide, and I hoped that she would soon receive it.

✽✽✽

Unfortunately, Mischa and I both had to work on Thanksgiving, but the kids spent the day with my parents and Adam and Jill, and Mischa and I both went by there after work. Adam and Jill were both still there. The night was chilly, and my Mom made hot apple cider for us, and we all sat together talking and enjoying leftover pumpkin pie.

"I can't believe how fast this year has flown by," Mischa remarked.

"So many things have happened," I added. "This time a year ago, you invited me to go to New York to see the Bolshoi Ballet with you."

Mischa clasped my hand across the table and smiled. "That was the most memorable vacation of my life."

"I was still paralyzed and in a wheelchair," I reminisced. "I was afraid I was going to be a burden to you."

"There never would have been any chance of that happening," Mischa said quickly. "I was worried that you wouldn't enjoy yourself."

"As long as I was with you, there would have been no chance of that being the case," I said loyally. He laughed and squeezed my hand.

"Adam and I didn't even know each other a year ago," Jill commented. "That was before we moved here. I had no idea I had a half sister." She lowered her voice conspiratorially. "Andy doesn't even know about her. I mean, he knows her, of course, but he thinks she's just a friend. He doesn't know she's my half sister. He thinks that my step dad is my real father and that I'm his full sister."

"Well, don't you think you should tell him the truth?" I asked.

"He's only twelve," she replied. "I'm afraid if I told him now, it would really blow his mind."

"When did you find out yourself?" I asked.

"It was on my sixteenth birthday," she told me. "After my party was over and all my guests had gone back home, she said that she had something very special she wanted to show me. She took me into her bedroom and handed me a tiny box. I opened it to find a pair of gold earrings inside. She told me that they were a present from my real father, that he'd asked her to give them to me when I turned sixteen. I was shocked at first, of course, but once I got over the shock, I was very curious about him. My Mom answered all my questions as best she could and told me that perhaps I'd meet him someday. Now I finally have, thanks to you and Lisa. How long have you guys known each other?"

"Since first grade," I told her. "We met on the first day of school, and we've been friends ever since then."

By that time it was quite late, so Mischa and I bundled the kids up and took them home. After putting them to bed, we watched a movie, then made love and went to sleep ourselves.

✽✽✽

"But wouldn't he rather have the blue engine than the yellow one?" Mischa asked me.

"He already has Thomas, Edward, and Gordon," I replied. "He doesn't have Annie or Clarabel yet. If we get him those, he'll have the complete set."

Mischa and I were at WalMart shopping for Christmas presents for the kids. Sage was crazy about Shining Time Station and wanted very badly to own all the toy train engines and other figurines that came with it.

I felt Mischa's arms around me, embracing me. "Hopefully this time next year, we'll have a new little one to shop for," he murmured as he kissed my hair.

"Hopefully." I'd gotten my period a couple of times since we'd stopped using condoms, but I still felt optimistic.

"Well, Sage is all taken care of," said Mischa. "But what about Meadow?"

"There's this really gorgeous doll house I've had my eye on," I replied. "It comes with not only the dolls but also the furniture and everything."

We got the train engines for Sage and the doll house for Meadow and went home to wrap and hide them. I knew that the kids would find out the truth about Santa Claus in a few years and figured I might as well let them hang onto the fantasy for as long as they could.

"We still have a little while before we have to pick them up." Mischa came up behind me and began placing soft kisses along my neck.

I giggled. "Any idea what to do about it?"

"Oh, I've got lots and lots of ideas," he murmured as he caressed my breasts through my clothing.

A few nights later, we took the kids to see the Christmas lights at the St. Mary's Catholic church downtown. With much difficulty, we found a parking space in the back of the lot, and I took Meadow's stroller out of the trunk and put her in it, and we were on our way.

Sage skipped ahead excitedly. "Hi, Brianna!" he called to a little girl he saw. Brianna was in his kindergarten class at school. Mischa and I said hello to her parents and engaged in a few minutes of small talk with them.

The sun was just beginning to set, and the lights were spectacular. They lined rows of booths, trees, and other structures. Some of the booths held nativity scenes or scenes of old-fashioned Christmases from the 1930's, 40's, and 50's. "Would you like a cup of hot chocolate and a cookie?" asked a middle-aged woman at one of the booths.

"Yes, thank you," I replied. Mischa blew on Sage's hot chocolate for him, and I blew on Meadow's. She wasn't really used to drinking from regular cups yet, but she still managed to spill only a little of it.

After awhile we came to a miniature merry-go-round with toddler-sized horses. Sage climbed onto one, and I took Meadow out of her stroller and sat her onto another. Then we stood with our arms around one another watching the carousel go around and around. "Only two years ago, I never would have imagined I'd be here doing this," Mischa chuckled.

"You've been a wonderful father to them," I said gratefully. It was true.

Not too long after the merry-go-round ride, Meadow grew very sleepy, so we went back home.

Several nights after that, Mischa and I went to a party at Yuri and Erica's. We brought barbecue potato chips and ginger ale to share and had a lot of fun meeting new people. At one point I sat on the sofa chatting with Erica.

"I have to go for another pelvic exam in a couple of weeks." She made a face. "They found a cyst on one of my ovaries last time, and if it's still there, they're gonna have to do a biopsy. I might end up losing that ovary." Yuri came and sat beside her and took her hand.

"Oh my god, that's scary!" I exclaimed. "So do they think it might be...you know..."

"They didn't say the word." I could see the worry in her eyes. "But I know they were thinking it."

"Wow, it's sure a good thing you already have your three kids!"

"I know," she replied. "But I still dread the thought of radiation and chemotherapy."

"Oh, I know!" I'd treated many hospitalized cancer patients since I'd started working as a nurse. The chemotherapy often made their hair fall out and also tended to make them very nauseous, and the radiation also damaged their bodies frequently. "Well, I sure hope everything goes all right for you," I told her.

"Thank you," she said.

On the morning of Christmas day, Mischa and I got up at about two AM to put the presents beneath the tree, then grinned at one another and went back to bed.

It was about six when Sage burst into our bedroom shouting excitedly. "Mommy! Daddy! Santa Claus came and left me presents!"

"Oh, did he?" I asked sleepily.

"Come see!" said Sage.

His shouting had awakened Meadow, and I could hear her jumping up and down in her crib. I went into her bedroom and lifted her out of it, and she raced into the living room with her brother. They both squealed with excitement as they ripped into their presents. "Look what Santa Claus brought me!" Sage crowed. "Annie and Clarabel!"

"Dolls! Dolls!" Meadow cried.

"Just look what Santa brought Mommy." Mischa picked up a small oblong box that I hadn't noticed before and handed it to me. Quickly I opened it and gasped with pleasure when I saw what was inside. It was a silver necklace containing two charms. One was an oval amethyst with a head, arms, and legs, and the other was a triangular ruby that also had a head, arms, and legs.

"It's beautiful!" I exclaimed. "Thank you!" I hugged and kissed my husband.

"There's plenty of room on the chain to add more charms, if they're needed in the future." Mischa winked at me.

✽✽✽

Later in the morning, we went to my parents' for dinner. Adam and Jill were there, too. We'd bought new gardening tools for my Dad, a new sheet set for my Mom, a wallet for Adam, and a make-up set for Jill. My parents got me and Mischa a new combination CD player/radio. "Wow, thanks!" I exclaimed. "It's way better than our old one!"

"I thought of you as soon as I saw it," my Dad replied.

Of course, Sage and Meadow received many more new toys from my family. They whooped excitedly as they ripped into present after present.

"Have you seen Lisa recently?" I asked Jill.

"We're getting together at our Dad's later on today," she replied. "She and Chris are bringing Logan."

"I'll bet he's really grown!"

"What a lovely necklace!" Jill exclaimed.

"Thanks," I replied. "Mischa gave it to me this morning."

"Do the charms represent your kids?"

I nodded. "And there's room to add more charms if we need them later on."

She grinned. "Cool!"

Later, we gathered up all the presents, loaded them into the car, and drove back home. Sage and Meadow were more tired than they usually were and went to be early that night, which gave Mischa and me plenty of time to work on adding another charm to my necklace.

Lisa called me the following day. "Guess what!" she exclaimed.

"What?"

"My Mom went with Chris and me to my Dad's last night," she said. "It was the first time her and my Dad had seen each other in years. She was curious about Jill and wanted to meet her. Things were kind of awkward at first, but by the end of the visit, they were sitting on the sofa holding hands. I think they might get back together!"

"That's great!" I squealed. I knew that Lisa's Mom had been very lonely for a long time and thought that it would be wonderful if she and her ex-husband got back together.

On New Year's Eve, Mischa took me out for dinner and dancing. As we moved together on the dance floor, I thought about how good-looking and sexy, as well as kind and loving, my husband was, and how lucky I was to be with him.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked me as we were slow dancing.

"How happy I am to be with you," I replied.

"I love you, Trace," he told me. "What we have together is so special. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world."

That night, we sat up until midnight drinking vodka (Mischa) and wine coolers (me). Ivan and Mitzi came over to celebrate with us. Mitzi talked excitedly about her upcoming wedding. I showed her the necklace that Mischa had given me for Christmas.

"It's beautiful!" she exclaimed. "Ivan and I want to have kids of our own in a couple of years," she added, understanding the meaning of the charms.

In mid-January, my friend Robin came into the hospital to give birth to her second child. Her daughter Camryn was Sage's age and went to his school. "My due date's in only three days, so the doctor offered to induce me today," she told me.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," I replied. "I had Meadow induced, and my labor with her was a lot more painful than it was with Sage. Pitocin's a real bitch."

"I asked my doctor about that," she said. "She said that since I'm getting an epidural anyway, it doesn't matter."

I shrugged. "Good luck."

I was busy all morning with a terrible car crash. Some drunk guy had flipped his car over and it had caught fire. He was still alive but had third degree burns over ninety percent of his body. I walked into his cubicle to find him swathed head to toe in bandages and on a morphine drip.

For several hours, the other nurses and I struggled to keep his fluids and electrolytes balanced, and then another nurse arrived to relieve me, so I went up to the maternity ward to check on Robin. I found out that she'd already delivered her baby and was resting in her room. I went to see her and found her gobbling a piece of chicken.

"So how did it go?" I asked her.

"Terrible!" she replied. "All that Demerol they gave me made my mouth so dry I can hardly eat, even though I'm starving 'cause I wasn't allowed to eat anything after midnight last night. The whole thing was horribly painful. I kept asking for an epidural and they kept telling me my labor wasn't far enough along, and then when they finally said I could have one, they checked me again and said that it was too late. The worst part was that they made me hold the baby in until the doctor could get there. I can't describe to you how painful that was."

"I'm sorry that happened," I said. "Is the baby all right?"

"He has club feet," she told me. "He might have to have surgery in a few months."

Feeling a little bit depressed by Robin's sad tale, I returned to my duties.

Later that month, I saw Yuri pacing back and forth in the waiting room on the surgical floor, looking very worried. "Erica's in surgery," he told me. "They found a tumor on her ovary. They think it might be cancerous. They're doing a biopsy right now."

"Oh God, I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed. "I sure hope she'll be all right!"

"She's had a really hard time of it, you know," he told me. "Her younger sister Toni was murdered when they were just teenagers, and then three years ago, we lost one of our twin boys. He was stillborn."

"I didn't know Mason was a twin!"

Yuri nodded. "His brother's name was Matthew. It was a horrible time for all of us."

"I'll bet!"

In February, I missed my period. I'd been late before so didn't think that much of it at first, but then I began to experience familiar symptoms. One day on the way home from work, I stopped by the drugstore and picked up a home pregnancy test. I showed it to Mischa after dinner, and he gave a surprised laugh. "Wow! Really?"

I nodded. "I've been having all the symptoms. I wanted to wait until we could find out the results together."

I performed the test according to the directions on the package, and then the two of us stared anxiously at the strip to see what color it turned.

Chapter 21

“W

e're going to be parents!" Mischa and I sang as we laughed and hugged one another and danced around in a circle. I felt as if I was on top of the world. The man I loved and I were going to have a baby together!

"You'll never know how relieved I am!" I saw that there were tears in Mischa's eyes. "Remember that hockey injury I told you about? I was so afraid that had left me permanently sterile!"

"Well, I'm awfully glad it didn't!" I replied. "I can't wait to tell the kids!"

"They're going to be thrilled!" Mischa agreed. We went into the living room, where Sage and Meadow sat on the sofa watching television together. "Guess what, kids?" Mischa asked them.

They looked at him curiously. "You're gonna have a baby brother or sister!" I told them.

"Hurray!" Sage jumped up and down excitedly, and Meadow, who perhaps didn't quite understand what all the excitement was over, joined him. "So when are you goin' to the hospital to get it?" he wanted to know.

Mischa and I laughed. "It'll be growing in my tummy for about seven and a half months before it's ready to be born," I told my son.

"It's in your tummy right now?" He walked over to me and lifted my shirt. "Can I see it?"

"Oh, no, sweetie. It has to stay right where it is until it's big enough to live on the outside. Right now it's very tiny, but when I go to the doctor, he'll be able to see the baby on an ultrasound, and I'll bring you back some pictures from that."

The next time I went to work, I went in search of Dr. Brown and found him in the employees' lounge, drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. "Dr. Brown?" I asked.

He glanced up from his newspaper. "Oh, hi, Tracy! What can I do for you?"

"I need an exam as soon as possible," I told him. "I took one of those home pregnancy tests, and it came back positive."

"Congratulations!" He smiled. "I'll have my receptionist check my schedule and see when I can fit you in and give you a call."

As I was leaving that day, I heard someone calling my name and turned to see Dr. Brown's receptionist, Paige. "Dr. Brown can fit you in at two tomorrow afternoon, if that's a good time," she told me.

"That's fine," I replied. "Thank you."

The next afternoon at about two thirty, I lay on a hard table with my feet in stirrups while he poked around inside me. "You're pregnant, all right," he told me. "Congratulations."

He asked when my last period had started. I told him, and he gave me a due date of October 25. "Come back in two weeks, and I'll do an ultrasound," he told me.

The first people I called were my parents. "Congratulations, Mom!" I said when Mom answered the telephone. "You're gonna be grandparents again!"

"Oh, honey, that's wonderful!" she replied. "Mischa must be thrilled."

"We both are."

I talked to her for a few more minutes, then handed the telephone to Mischa so that he could call his parents in Russia. He talked to them at length, and then I called Lisa and told her.

"She sure didn't sound very happy about it," I remarked to Mischa after hanging up.

"She's probably just surprised," he replied. "Give her some time to get used to the idea, and I'm sure she'll be just as thrilled as everyone else is."

I was in the supermarket doing my weekly shopping that Saturday when I met up with Erica. "Guess what!" I exclaimed. "Mischa and I are having a baby!"

"Wow, that's great!" she exclaimed. "Congratulations! When are you due?"

"October 25. So, how did your biopsy turn out?"

"Everything's fine. I don't have cancer, thank goodness. The cyst was benign. All they had to do was take it out."

"I'm glad to hear that," I told her.

Mischa went with me for my ultrasound appointment. I lay back on the hard table with my belly exposed while the technician smeared cold jelly all over it and then began to move her wand around. After awhile, I heard her give a surprised gasp.

"What's wrong?" I asked, instantly alarmed.

"Nothing's wrong!" She laughed and patted my arm. "It's just that you're carrying two babies instead of one!"

"Twins?" I was so surprised that I almost fell off the table.

"That's right!" she replied. "Do twins run in your family?"

"Not that I know of." I looked at my husband. "Do they in yours, Mischa?"

He shook his head. "I don't know of any twins in my family, either."

The technician smiled. "So yours will be the first."

"Are they both healthy?" I asked.

"Everything looks fine so far."

"Will I still be able to have a natural birth?"

"As long as the pregnancy progresses normally, I don't see why not."

"Well, I certainly wasn't expecting that!" I remarked to Mischa as we walked back to the car together.

He laughed. "Now I'll have to make another long distance call to Russia."

"I hope they're one of each," I said.

"We'll love them just the same, no matter what they are," Mischa replied.

"Of course we will," I said. "But don't you think it would be neat to have two of each?"

"Perhaps. But it's more important to me that they're healthy." He placed a gentle hand on my abdomen and gazed tenderly into my eyes. "And that you're all right."

Mom sounded concerned when I told her. 'You'll have four children under the age of seven," she pointed out. "Are you sure you'll be able to handle that?"

I laughed. "Well, I don't exactly have any choice about it, do I?"

"Well, I sure hope everything goes well for you."

"Thanks. I hope so, too."

It occurred to me that I hadn't even talked to Lisa since the evening I'd told her I was pregnant. Eagerly I dialed her number. "Guess what, girl?" I said when she answered. "It's twins!"

I heard perfect silence on the line for a period of about five seconds, followed by the unmistakable sound of the receiver being placed back into its cradle on the other end of the line.

"I can't believe it!" I gasped. "She hung up on me!"

"I'm getting to the bottom of this," I told my husband as I grabbed my purse and headed out the door.

"Please, Trace, you have to calm down." He was obviously deeply concerned. "You're going to hurt the babies."

"I'll be more upset sitting here wondering what's up with her than I will be if I go on over there and find out for myself," I replied.

"All right," he conceded. "But please be careful!"

"You know I will be," I told him. At Chris and Lisa's, I rang the doorbell and Chris let me in. When Lisa came into the living room, I saw that her eyes were red and puffy from crying.

"So what's the deal with hanging up on me?" I asked her.

"Oh, Tracy, I'm sorry!" she cried. "I just couldn't deal with it anymore. We're the same age, and now you're gonna have four kids and I don't have any at all!"

"You've got Logan," I pointed out.

"Temporarily," she replied. "But if Tina ever comes out of her coma and recovers, she'll get him back."

"Well, you and Chris will probably have one of your own in a year or two."

"Yeah, I know." She sighed. "I guess I'm being silly, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you are," I agreed. "But I guess I can kind of understand. I'd probably feel the same way if the situation was reversed."

We hugged and made up, and then I asked her how things were between her parents. "Really good so far," she told me. "They've been going out together regularly for a couple of months now. I think they're trying to take it slow just to be on the safe side."

"And how's Jill taking it?"

"All right, actually. She never really knew our Dad, so to her, her stepfather's her Dad. She's still very close to him, and she's planning on going back to visit him soon."

I stayed and visited for a couple of hours and then went home. By that time it was pretty late, and Mischa was in the middle of giving Meadow a bath. "I'm sorry," I told him. "I didn't mean to stay that long. We got to talking, and time just got away from me."

"Oh, that's all right." He grinned. "We're having lots of fun, aren't we, Meadow?" She laughed and splashed him. He ducked but still got a little bit wet.

"So is everything OK with Lisa?" he asked.

"Everything's fine now," I told him. "She was just feeling kind of depressed, but I talked to her and got her feeling better."

"She's lucky to have a friend like you," he said.

"And I'm lucky to have a husband like you," I replied.

All my co-workers were very nice and congratulated me on my pregnancy. Only Debbie ignored me and pretended I didn't exist, but that didn't bother me a bit.

✽✽✽

One day I was at work and came upon Mitzi talking to a guy I'd never seen before. "Who was that?" I asked after he'd left.

"Just a guy I dated briefly a couple of years ago," she replied. "His Mom's in the hospital right now. He wanted to go out with me again, but I told him I'm getting married in a couple of weeks."

"How'd he take it?"

She shrugged. "All right, I guess. He's a nice guy, and I could tell he was really into me, but I guess I just wasn't ready to settle down yet when we met."

"So you broke his heart." I couldn't help but feel just a little bit sorry for the guy.

"Not really. I told him at the time that I wasn't ready for a relationship, and he said that was OK." Her eyes got a faraway look in them. "The sex was really great, though."

"Better than it is with Ivan?" I asked.

"Believe it or not, we haven't taken things to that level," she told me. "Ivan wants to wait until after we're married. You know how super religious he is. He told me I'm his first serious girlfriend, that he never even expected to get married at all until he met me."

"You mean he's never even..."

She shook her head. "No, he hasn't."

"No fucking way!" I couldn't believe that even an aspiring priest of Ivan's age would still be a virgin.

"I had a hard time believing it at first, too," she replied. "But I think it's really special. Don't you?"

"I suppose so." To my surprise, I felt a little bit jealous. "I've never been with a virgin before. I don't know how many women Jeff had before me. I was always afraid to ask. And Mischa..." Suddenly I wondered how many women my husband had been with before me, besides Tina. Not that I'd ever ask him, but it was something I knew I'd always wonder about.

I was cuddling on the sofa with Mischa that night when I mentioned the conversation I'd had with Mitzi. "Did you know Ivan's still a virgin?" I asked him.

"That's not the kind of thing guys talk about together," he replied. "But it doesn't surprise me one bit. When we were very young, he told me he wanted to dedicate his life to God."

"I think Mitzi's really lucky," I remarked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He sounded hurt.

"I didn't mean luckier than me," I said quickly. "Only that she doesn't have to worry about any diseases, or some kid showing up on her doorstep out of the blue years from now, claiming to be his long-lost child."

"You don't have to wonder about those things either, Trace," he said gently. "I know I'm not pure as the driven snow like Ivan. All I have to offer you is my heart, and my vow to love only you for the rest of our lives."

"Oh, stop it, Mischa," I sniffled. "You're making me cry!"

"With happiness, I hope."

"Of course with happiness!"

He laughed and pulled me closer to himself, planting a big, sloppy kiss onto my lips. "Well, I'm awfully glad I have that effect on you!"

I kissed him back, a deep, passionate, open-mouth kiss, and he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom.

"Mischa, the babies..." I began.

"I promise, I'll be very gentle," he told me. He was. More gentle than he'd ever been before, in fact. As we slowly drifted off to sleep together afterwards, I wondered how in the world I ever could have compared him negatively to Ivan, or to any other man.

✽✽✽

Ivan and Mitzi did get married later that month. Her sisters and best friend were the brides' maids, but Mischa and I were invited, so we went. It was at an Orthodox church, of course, and was beautifully decorated with red roses. I looked around and saw that a lot of the people I worked with were there, including, unfortunately, Debbie. I decided not to let her presence bother me and enjoy the occasion anyway.

Mitzi was beautiful as she walked down the aisle in her white gown, but I had to stifle a giggle as I thought about what a joke it was that she was dressed in white, considering that it was supposed to represent virginity.

As Ivan and Mitzi recited their vows to one another, my mind went back in time to my own wedding only a little over a year previously. Mischa must have felt the same way, as I felt his arm slip around my shoulders and hug me tight. I rested my head on his shoulder, and he kissed my hair.

Everything went fine until the reception. I was chatting with a fellow nurse and enjoying myself when I saw Debbie, who appeared to be struggling beneath the weight of a large box. The next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor and hugging my abdomen in agony.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" Debbie cried. I saw that a couple of people were helping her up. "Silly me! How could I have not seen that?"

"Are you all right, Tracy?" Instantly Mischa's arms were around me, helping me to my feet. The sharp pain was already subsiding to a dull ache.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Debbie tripped and hit you in the belly with that box she was carrying," Mischa told me. "Are you all right? Can you stand?"

"I think so," I said shakily. "But my belly hurts!"

"Oh God." Mischa turned pale. "I'm taking you to the hospital right away!"

"She did it on purpose," I said as we were on our way. "If anything happens to the babies, it will be her fault!"

"We can't just assume that," Mischa replied. "Accidents do happen, after all."

"Yeah, and denial is a river in Egypt," I muttered. "You know as well as I do that what happened to me was no accident!"

Mischa sighed. "I know. But there's no way in the world we'd ever prove it."

At the hospital they did an ultrasound, and to our immense relief, we saw that both tiny hearts were still beating.

"We'll keep you overnight for observation, just to be safe," the doctor told me.

Later that evening, Mitzi came by to visit. "What are you doing here, girl?" I asked her. "You're supposed to be on your honeymoon!"

"I just had to come by to make sure you're OK before we left," she told me. "I feel just terrible that you got hurt at my wedding! Debbie feels awful about what happened, too. She asked me to tell you once again that she's very sorry and that she hopes you're going to be OK." I knew that wasn't true, but I didn't want to spoil her honeymoon, so I didn't say anything.

Although thankful that the babies and me were all right, I dreaded returning to work, as I knew that I'd have to work with Debbie on some shifts and was terrified that she might try to hurt me again, and next time, I might not be so lucky.

"I don't know what to do about it," I complained to Mischa. "I can't quit work right now because we need the money."

He sighed deeply and patted my hand. The next time I ran into Debbie at work, she didn't say a word to me, but from the look on her face, I could tell that she was disappointed that I was still pregnant.

For Easter, we hid eggs for Sage and Meadow like we had the previous year. At not quite three, Meadow was much more proficient at hunting eggs this year, but of course her brother was a lot faster and found more eggs.

"Look, Mommy!" she said excitedly, showing me her basket full of eggs.

"Aw, that's nothing!" said Sage. "Look how many I found!"

"Sage!" I scolded my son, but his attention was focused elsewhere. I turned to see what he was looking at and gasped in wonder. Mischa held a beautiful piece of jewelry that was in the shape of an Easter egg. It was pink and covered in green leaves and tiny rose buds, and rested on a three-legged golden stand.

"It's a Faberge egg," Mischa told me. "Not a real one, of course," he amended quickly. "I could never have afforded one of those. Tsar Nicholas II gave his wife Alexandra an egg like this for Easter every year. This one's called the Lilies of the Valley egg. Look." He removed the top of the egg, and inside was a perfect red rose. It's edges were trimmed in gold, and it's leaves were made up of tiny rhinestones.

"It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!" I gasped. I took it into my hands and cradled it, admiring the exquisite design. "Tsar Nicholas II had incredibly good taste!"

Mischa laughed. "He was also incredibly wealthy," he said ruefully. "But never mind. I'm glad you like the egg. We'll have to find a good place to display it."

"In the living room, so everyone who comes to visit us can see it!" I exclaimed.

Mischa frowned. "It's very fragile. You know how Sage and Meadow like to run around bumping into things in the living room."

"Oh, yeah. On the dresser, then." I felt just a little bit disappointed, but I knew that what he'd said was true.

Later we went to my parents' for dinner, where we found Adam alone, looking desolate. "Where's Jill?" I asked him.

"We broke up," he told me. "She's gone back to stay with her stepfather. Excuse me, her ex-stepfather. She said she wants to cut all ties with everyone here."

"Even Lisa?"

"I guess so. She didn't say anything about that."

"I'm sorry," I said, secretly wondering whether Jill's decision had had anything to do with the fact that her father was back together with Lisa's mother now.

"That's all right," Adam replied. "There's this really cute cashier at the supermarket I've been wanting to ask out for awhile, and now I finally can."

So much for true love, I said to myself.

I was at work the following day when I heard another nurse's voice raised in alarm. "Tracy, look out!"

I glanced up just in time to see a surgical cart piled high with heavy medical equipment barreling straight for me.

I dashed out of the way just in time, the surgical cart whizzing so close by me that I could feel its breeze. "You did that on purpose! I saw you!" I heard the voice of the nurse, whose name was Ellen, and saw that the person to whom she was speaking was Debbie.

"You'll never be able to prove it," Debbie said snidely.

"Yes, she will, because I saw it too." I heard the voice of another nurse, Danielle. "I'm calling the police right now!"

Debbie tried to run away, but Ellen grabbed one of her arms and I grabbed the other, and between the two of us, we were able to keep her from escaping. A few minutes later, Mischa and his partner, Adrian, arrived. In almost no time, they'd handcuffed Debbie and led her away.

"You can't prove anything!" she yelled. "I'm calling my lawyer!"

"Lawyer, schmawyer," sneered Ellen. "She's not getting away with it this time. There were too many witnesses. Are you OK, Tracy?"

"I'm fine," I assured her. "Just scared me to death for a minute there."

"I'll bet!" said Danielle. She and Ellen helped me to the employees' lounge, where they led me to a seat and asked if I wanted something to drink.

"No thanks," I replied.

"Are you sure you don't want to go home for the day?" asked Danielle.

"Oh no, I'm staying for the rest of my shift." Determined not to allow Debbie to be the cause of my losing time from work, I returned to my duties a few minutes later.

Despite my fortitude, I still had a bad case of the willies for the rest of that day. I couldn't believe that Debbie hated me so much that she actually wanted me to lose my babies. What had I ever done to her? Nothing! Was it because of what had happened to Tina? I'd had nothing to do with that! Was it because of Mischa? Did she want him for herself? If that was the case, then she must be even sicker than I'd thought she was.

I felt even more tired than usual when I finally got off work. The stress of what had almost happened to me combined with the usual fatigue, I supposed.

When I got home, I saw that Mischa had already put the kids to bed and was sitting up reading. He stood and walked to the door as I entered. "Tracy! Are you really OK?" he asked as he embraced me.

"Yeah," I said weakly as I rested my head on his shoulder. "Just really tired, that's all."

"I was hardly able to finish my shift, I was so worried about you," he told me. "You can't begin to imagine how upset I was when your co-worker called and told me what had happened, and when I saw Debbie standing there looking so smug, it took all the self control I had not to slug her right then and there."

"Where is she now?" I asked.

"In jail, being held on five hundred dollars' bail," he told me. "Personally, I wish they'd just lock her up and throw away the key. I can't stand the thought of someone who tried to harm my wife and children out walking the streets."

"Five hundred dollars isn't very much," I remarked.

"I know, but since she didn't actually hit you, she can only be charged with a misdemeanor."

"But she's already tried to hurt me twice!"

He sighed. "Yeah, but that's how the system works. You can get a restraining order against her, though."

"That would make her even madder!"

"It would be better than doing nothing, and it would sure make me feel better," he replied.

"I'll do it, then," I told him.

He held me more tightly than usual that night, but even so, I had a very difficult time falling asleep. My mind kept replaying the traumatic event over and over again, imaging what could have happened.

Everybody was talking about it at work the next day, of course. Luckily I learned that Debbie had been fired from the hospital, but that only made me feel a little bit better. She still lived in the same town as me, and I had no way of knowing when I'd run into her again.

One day I was at the mall with the kids when I met up with a teenaged boy and girl who looked slightly familiar and, to my surprise, realized that the girl was Carrie, the teenager who'd lost both legs in a tragic accident the previous fall. She looked perfectly healthy now and was walking without a limp.

"Your kids are cute!" she told me.

"Thanks," I replied. "How are you doing now?"

"Much better," she replied. "Tom and I are here to rent his tuxedo and to get a formal for me. Our school prom is coming up soon."

"That's great!" I exclaimed. "It looks to me like you're getting around just fine."

"After much physical therapy," she told me. "I was really depressed for a long time, so much so that I didn't even want to go to PT, but once I got used to getting around on my artificial legs, I started actually enjoying life again."

"I'm glad to hear it," I said. "I hope you have a great time at the prom."

"Thanks," she said. She and Tom moved on.

"Mommy, what are artificial legs?" Sage asked me as soon as they were out of earshot.

"Sometimes when somebody gets hurt really bad, they lose one of both of their legs and have to have new legs made for them," I explained. "It's kind of like Darth Vader. You know how a lot of him is made out of metal? Well, Carrie's still mostly a regular person just like you and me, but her legs are made out of metal, like Darth Vader's."

"Cool!" said Sage. "Can I see her metal legs sometime?"

"There are pictures of them in some books I have," I replied. "I'll show you when we get home."

I took them to the pizzeria for lunch and then shopping at the dollar store, where I found the cutest little cloth baby shoes as well as socks, bibs, blankets, pacifiers, and even onesies. I also bought a few toys and books for Sage and Meadow and some make-up and jewelry for myself. "Now I've got a gun just like Daddy's!" Sage chortled with glee. "I can't wait to show him!"

"He'll be home later this evening," I told my son. "You can show him then."

When we were inside the car, I turned the radio on and heard the news. "Two policemen are dead in an attempted supermarket robbery."

My heart sank as my hands gripped the steering wheel. Please, God, let Mischa be all right! I prayed.

To be Continued…

About the author

Desiree Hart has been writing stories off and on since she was nine years old. She began posting stories on fiction press in 2012 and she’s currently updating 4 stories a week. She lives in Pensacola with her daughter Megan and shih tzu Willy. Besides writing, her other hobbies include reading, working jigsaw puzzles, and cross stitch.